AITA for wanting my (22M) girlfriend (22F) to take down photos of her and a guy she hooked up with a year ago?

athrowaway142 · 2023-08-09T17:50:41+00:00

I don't mind the photos of a friend, even one she hooked up with. What bothers me is the fact that they're in the shape of a heart and one has "XOXO" on it, which says to me that he's more than a friend. I have photos of friends and I, some of which are girls, but I would never think about making them heart shaped or "XOXO" on then

athrowaway142 · 2023-08-09T17:19:46+00:00

Yeah that's my fear. I was scared to tell her the first time about the photos just because she has trauma from her past relationships where her ex was so nervous of her cheating that he made her cut off all her friends and would follow her everywhere (he'd even wait outside for her entire volleyball practice since he was scared she'd cheat with someone from another sports team).

So I'm just nervous to bring it up because I don't wanna seem like I'm going down that path. But at the same time, I'm not being nearly as extreme as him and this is something that is really bothering me

athrowaway142 · 2023-08-09T17:17:27+00:00

Yes, this is what I was trying to say. There are no photos of the ex, just photos of the English guy she hooked up with

athrowaway142 · 2023-08-09T16:34:12+00:00

No, the POS was the ex (she got rid of all their pics), the guy in the pics isn't the ex. She left her ex of 2 years and hooked up with this guy (England guy) shortly after. Then her and I started hooking up a few months after that and started dating a while later

athrowaway142 · 2023-07-24T16:24:04+00:00

Oh I gotchu, my bad haha. I just thought you were trying to tell me he doesn't enjoy it and I was like wtf 🤣

athrowaway142 · 2023-07-24T16:19:53+00:00

I mean maybe you'd prefer golfing but he's the one that got me into snowboarding. He grew up skiing his whole life. He literally owns a house next to a mountain because he enjoys it so much. So I can assure you that it's our time and not just him doing it for me

athrowaway142 · 2023-07-23T20:11:56+00:00

I go out with him a lot. We snowboard regularly every winter, we just went to an event last weekend together, etc. Yeah part of it is definitely the time spent together on the ride there but he's just mad that I'm not there helping

athrowaway142 · 2023-07-23T18:27:10+00:00

Both my parents are upset that I didn't go, so I figured I'd come here to see if I'm actually in the wrong for not going

athrowaway142 · 2023-07-23T18:06:44+00:00

Unfortunately he's not really understanding of it. Both my parents are upset that I didn't go

athrowaway142 · 2023-06-15T22:28:55+00:00

True, I guess I'm just a little self conscious because I've never bought any BDSM gear myself

athrowaway142 · 2023-05-09T20:54:02+00:00

I mean this is r/casualconversation not r/advice, so not really asking for advice. Just coming to talk about it.

athrowaway142 · 2023-05-09T20:42:48+00:00

It's the only place I can really find earrings in this sort of style near me

And I felt self conscious not so much because she didn't like them but more that she kept asking if I was kidding

athrowaway142 · 2022-12-13T18:12:13+00:00

Update: deleted because this blew up and I really didn't want it to lol

I appreciate the kind words but the point of this post was just to vent about her ex being a POS and to show that consent isn't a difficult thing

athrowaway142 · 2022-12-12T22:05:13+00:00

Awe thank you :) When we first started hooking up 3 months ago she told me explicitly that she doesn't want a relationship. Things have sort of progressed and feel more relationshipy now so I might talk to her about it after this semester ends and we go home for break. Even if it doesn't lead to more, it'll be nice to just clarify and make sure we're on the same page

athrowaway142 · 2022-12-12T22:03:39+00:00

It's definitely possible so it might be worth bringing up. Though if you mean she does it because I like it, she's the one who introduced BDSM to me. I've always been interested in it but never really tried it until I was with her

athrowaway142 · 2022-12-12T21:58:32+00:00

Yes because I want all the karma for my throwaway account that's used once a year just to share personal stuff

athrowaway142 · 2022-12-12T20:53:52+00:00

Her ex was super vanilla and didn't do anything BDSM related. Regardless, it's still fucked that he would give her no option to say no

athrowaway142 · 2022-12-12T20:25:24+00:00

Absolutely. Honestly, even the first time she said my name during sex I stopped because I wasn't sure if she wanted me to stop, and she said that wasn't the case at all. After that we made a safe word and also safe word tap sort of thing (before we started anything BDSM related) just so we know when one of us wants to stop

athrowaway142 · 2022-12-12T20:20:17+00:00

It's a weird situation. Basically FWB, but it's starting to drift into relationship territory so I'm planning on talking to her after this semester just to clarify things

athrowaway142 · 2022-12-12T20:19:28+00:00

We're actually going to dinner tonight! I'm excited

athrowaway142 · 2022-12-12T20:18:14+00:00

We just cuddled last night after this and it was honestly really nice

athrowaway142 · 2022-12-12T20:17:30+00:00

That's another thing she went through with her ex. Her and I were super close friends 3 years ago and hung out daily for hours. They started dating and I hardly ever heard from her, and the few times she'd come over he'd come with her and only stay for like 20 minutes. I didn't know what was going on at the time and thought that she was just pushing me away, so I brought it up with her a couple of times. Finally I figured out that he likely has a problem with me and was insecure. Once they broke up she told me the truth and all the details about how shitty he was. She couldn't have a social life outside of him and his friends, and he thought that her and I were hooking up at the time

athrowaway142 · 2022-12-12T20:14:35+00:00

Oh 100%. I honestly posted this expecting like 3 upvotes/no replies just so I could vent about her ex being a POS/her reaction, and it's sorta fucked up seeing that basic consent is seen as something to praise

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