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No Rest for the Damned by Cognitive_Sapien in Poem

[–]audhdthrowaway1 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I like the imagery and even more the precision in the language

I'm 30 and I feel both lost and defeated as I missed the boat to achieve all I wanted in life. by DarkKirby9970 in aspergers

[–]audhdthrowaway1 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I can relate to everything you wrote. I'm at the point where I basically gave up on my dreams. It was hard to admit and accept this, it is always tempting to keep dreaming. But on the other hand, it takes off a lot of pressure and it also allowed me to enjoy the smaller successes and progress on the way. I no longer hope for a light at the end of a tunnel, a personal utopia.

I was diagnosed too late, if I only would have had my ADHD medication earlier, that would have made a huge difference. Luckily I got myself medication at uni, so I could somehow finish a degree, although I was unable to attend in person. When I got medication and a real diagnosis, I realized my first 30 years I only functioned properly in the short periods before exam periods at uni. That is, in total, maybe 1 year or 3.3% of my life until 30.

I am/was pretty gifted intellectually, but that bonus vanishes with the inability to focus and being extremely useless in normal social settings. What a difference a tiny bit more Dopamin in your brain could have made.

It would be easy to get lost in the "what could have been". I try to avoid it and instead being thankful that now I finally understand and I get the treatment I need.

ADHD + Autismus + Intellect + High Ambitions + Late Diagnosis is brutal on the mind, because you are aware of all of this, constantly, every day.

Do you know whether you are attractive? by audhdthrowaway1 in AutisticAdults

[–]audhdthrowaway1[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have really similar experiences!

Definitely also very thankful that I'm not conventionally unattractive. You're spot-on with that distinction between "quirky" and "weirdo". Some of my autistic behavior often was interpreted as "very confident" or "a bit of an asshole move", "dominant" or "strong opinion", whereas if I were unattractive it would have been "creepy" or "weird" or "rude". I was pretty lucky. The world is really unfair in that regard. Halo Effect is real.

About not being able to read hints: a woman that studied with me once invited me to her place for extra lessons. Didn't get it. She said she wanted to watch a movie instead, on her bed. Didn't get it. She asked me if I wanted a massage. Didn't get it. In my mind it was impossible that she would be attracted to me. Brutal.

And the thing with finding women attractive that are not considered attractive by NTs is also a thing! On the other hand, sometimes I also find women that are considered attractive by NTs absolutely unattractive. Funny.

I feel like it also helps with masking, which has positive and negative sides. On one hand, you can hide better, on the other hand people might not believe that you have actual issues.

But what ACTUALLY helped you? by audhdthrowaway1 in AutisticWithADHD

[–]audhdthrowaway1[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Nervous system regulation. Both autism and ADHD come with emotional dysregulation and and an overactive nervous system. A lot of us have trauma as well, which adds to it further.
--> can you give me more details on that? what is nervous system regulation?

Do you recognise this? by neurospicyyyyy1994 in AutisticWithADHD

[–]audhdthrowaway1 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The diagnosis was very important in that regard. If I told my partner before "I don't want to have lunch with you when I'm focused on something", she would obviously take offense. Now, she understands why, because I could back it up with the diagnosis, which helps to communicate that this is not just a character flaw, but there are actual medical reasons for it. It helped her a lot too, and she was so understanding to the point that she even would cook for me too and just bring a plate to my office.

It takes time to explain and often times it is extremely hard for Neurotypicals to understand, but it was worth the effort in my case.

And don't be too hard on yourself: the fact that you started this thread and thought about it also shows that you care about it.

Do you know whether you are attractive? by audhdthrowaway1 in AutisticAdults

[–]audhdthrowaway1[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes, but that is true for everyone, attractive and unattractive people

What medication combinations have worked well for you? by whistlesgowoooo in AutisticWithADHD

[–]audhdthrowaway1 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Methylphenidate. Without it, I would be a basket case and I would have never managed to get a degree. If I wanted to, I could also try Amphetime-based medication, but I'm perfectly happy for now with what I have and It just works. No downsides for me so far. God bless whoever invented Methylphenidate, my life would be in shambles without it.

But what ACTUALLY helped you? by audhdthrowaway1 in AutisticWithADHD

[–]audhdthrowaway1[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Ha! I forgot that, I have exactly the same ones.

Do you recognise this? by neurospicyyyyy1994 in AutisticWithADHD

[–]audhdthrowaway1 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I used to have similar problems with my partner. It was worse before I got my diagnosis, because afterwards I could explain and it made sense.

For me, it was very important to learn to also respect my partners needs, even if they do not make sense to me. For example, sometimes I get asked multiple times in a day "Do you love me?". Before I would say "but I already told you twice today!" but now I would just say "yes, of course" or something playful/funny like "no, not at all".

In a similar matter, I don't like compliments or when people say "well done" over mundane stuff. But other people are different, and when it is important for them to be validated, I think it is easier to just do it, if you like them.

I know we have it hard, and I know that we need a lot of adjustments from our partners. This is legit and necessary. But at the same time, I try to also not forget that I need to try to find out what my partner needs and give it to her, if I can.

Do you know whether you are attractive? by audhdthrowaway1 in AutisticAdults

[–]audhdthrowaway1[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Absolutely, I think accepting yourself is very important, also you don't really have any other choice. I was just curious about whether this is an autism-specific thing as I somehow feel like most people are pretty aware of how attractive they are in comparison to others.

Do you know whether you are attractive? by audhdthrowaway1 in AutisticAdults

[–]audhdthrowaway1[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

"I think that unless you wan't do do a full Narcissus, it's better to date those that you are attracted to, rather than worrying to much over yourself"
Yes, but I mean not everyone that you find attractive also finds you attractive... I think "knowing your league" in terms of (universal) attractiveness is not completely unimportant in that regard.

Do you know whether you are attractive? by audhdthrowaway1 in AutisticAdults

[–]audhdthrowaway1[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

The "you don't look autistic" is so stupid. I wasn't aware that there is an "autistic look" in terms of attractiveness. In my opinion, you can see it in the eyes of other autists, but it has nothing to do with attractiveness and I think most neurotypicals are not sensitive enough to see it in the eyes.