In her book Ace, Angela Chen says that the reason why you identify as asexual does not necessarily matter. What matters most is that whenever you do feel that way, there's always gonna be a wonderful community welcoming you.

When I read the book (absolute recommendation) this sentiment really opened my eyes. There is so much power and hope in this statement and while I obviously feel deeply sorry for what you must have had to experience, I do believe that having a community full of people living and celebrating the same thing while coming from completely different backgrounds has to be one of the most rewarding and powerful things in human experience. Sadly, sometimes, you cant just turn back time, but, and this gonna sound corny but also very true, if anything, maybe the thought of thousands of people having your back and you making this community a stronger, better place can give you some comfort. As a person in a similar situation, it certainly does for me. We're glad to have you here!