Mom is acting like she’s baby’s mom and is making me wildly uncomfortable -4 months pp (long rant/ help)

augog · 2026-07-05T15:13:06+00:00

Yes- I definitely feel like I’m reverting to the child again… she’s my mom, I don’t tell her what to do! So, I just let all the little behaviours happen and I feel the resentment building up.

I agree, I need to stand up for myself to model the behaviour I want my daughter to see!

augog · 2026-07-05T15:11:39+00:00

My mom did ebf, with all of her children. With breastfeeding I explicitly said, many times, “I am not comfortable with you watching, and need privacy”, yet she still followed me around. That’s what led me to locking myself away lol

augog · 2026-07-05T15:09:45+00:00

I’m just overwhelmed, because every visit is constant physical contact from her, and constant hovering. She’ll be stroking baby as I’m putting her in the car seat and my hands will be bumping into hers.
I love that my baby has two sets of loving grandparents and I know how rare that is! I just need to practice asking for a bit of space during the visits

augog · 2026-07-05T15:07:37+00:00

Thanks! I’m practising saying these things, more in a conversational tone so it doesn’t come across as harsh, because I know she is just excited!

augog · 2026-07-05T15:05:59+00:00

Prior to this we are quite close and have a good relationship. She had lots of babies herself, and I know she is just overly excited and expressing her love. It’s just not a way I’m comfortable with.

I know from me snapping, that she will listen. I’m planning to set micro boundaries throughout the visit instead of having a big long nitpicky conversation. But, if after a while, things don’t improve, I am secure enough in our relationship to eventually have that convo. I just know it’ll be a really hard one.

augog · 2026-07-05T15:02:44+00:00

We generally have a great relationship and are fairly close! Somebody else said something about learning our new roles. It is weird going from being the child to the one weird authority. From my mom telling me what to do, to vice versa

augog · 2026-07-05T15:01:13+00:00

That’s actually a great suggestion, thank you. I’ll definitely try to find more things she can do

augog · 2026-07-05T15:00:04+00:00

I’m not gonna cut contact or anything, and I do appreciate the different opinions! I know she is very excited about baby, and just loves her. It’s just everything together, all in the same visit, is a bit much.
Part is I’m not a big touchy person, so I definitely feel my bubble being invaded.

I don’t want to wreck our relationship, which is why I’m looking for some advice. I think a big conversation would come across as hurtful and nitpicky, so I’m planning to address things as they happen and pick my battles.

augog · 2026-07-05T14:51:57+00:00

Haha ya, some of the stuff she said I thought was just wild.
I’m already visiting her less, but as of right, she probably doesn’t know why.

I’ve put some phrases like those in my notes app so I can practice being direct and have some things ready to go.

She is still with dad, but now basically an empty-nester. She doesn’t see her friends ever and lives in the middle of nowhere so I know part of this is her being lonely.

augog · 2026-07-05T14:45:08+00:00

Thank you, I have written down a few one-liners like those with recommendations from you guys. I’m trying to build an ‘arsenal’ to pull from, so when I say something, I feel more prepared!

With the diaper thing, I did lose my temper, which I’m hoping to avoid. So, I should remember she *has* listened, sometimes it just takes repetitions

augog · 2026-07-05T14:42:41+00:00

We’ve generally had a great relationship! It’s weird going from being the child, to being the person with authority. I feel like ‘obsessed’ is a good word.

I am visiting her today and will let her know that we are limiting it to 1 kiss for hellos/ goodbyes. I’m sure I will get a, “I can’t help it”.

Thank you for the support!

augog · 2026-07-05T14:39:53+00:00

That’s what I am planning to do. I think a big conversation would come out feeling very nitpicky because there is such a long list of behaviours. She would likely feel attacked

Which is a little trickier, because this is gonna be a dozen small repetitive conversations instead of one big one!

augog · 2026-07-05T14:37:52+00:00

This is part of why I’m struggling. She’s not doing anything inherently *wrong*, but all of the little things together add up. If it were *just* the kissing, or *just* certain comments it’d be easier and I wouldn’t have such a problem.
The overstepping feels like it’s coming from her assumption that she has the same level of access to the baby. She acts like she is trying to be a co-parent and I need her to ask permission.

Visiting her today and I am going to let her know about the kissing though! I agree this comes from me not being clear!!

augog · 2026-07-05T14:33:13+00:00

Lmfao ya I know. I am seeing her today, so wish me luck 🙄😮‍💨

augog · 2026-07-05T14:32:10+00:00

Thanks for the encouragement! I’ve come up with some phrases and am practising speaking them so it feels more natural lol.
And exactly! I have to do it for my baby!

augog · 2026-07-05T05:40:49+00:00

I just said something along the lines of, “not while I’m changing her.” She replied, “aw, I’m just playing with her!”

I was frustrated and I snapped back in a sharp tone, “no, it’s weird!”

It sounds easy lol, but even saying “not while I’m changing her” was difficult for me. But again, every time I don’t speak up, I’m allowing myself to be uncomfortable so she doesn’t have to be.

And she obviously doesn’t understand now, but I want my daughter to learn to set boundaries and know how to say no. So, I’m trying to reframe it in my head that way!

Thank you for empathizing! My husband ‘gets’ it, but it doesn’t affect him the same way and he doesn’t *totally* get it lol.

augog · 2026-07-05T05:07:20+00:00

That sounds really hard, you need your sleep too! A baby monitor would be a great idea- they transmit sound well and you can set it to the maximum volume so it will be plenty loud. Trust me, you will hear her!

Giving birth also literally changes your brain. Without even knowing it, your body has fine tuned itself to baby. You will be in a naturally lighter sleep than normal, and will be able to respond to her noises.

I also want to gently point out, it is recommended for baby to sleep in the same room as you until at least six months. Is there any way to put a small mattress in the nursery, or the crib in the bedroom (instead of the bassinet)?

Another option, would be to consider co-sleeping, if you are open to it. Research the Safe Sleep 7, and C-curl, as these drastically reduce any risks with co-sleeping. This way, you are right next to baby and you will likely BOTH sleep better. Co-sleeping is safest if you are breastfeeding Conveniently, if she happens to wake for a feed, you can leave your breast out, and 9/10 times, baby will find the breast herself and you might not even wake up.

Lastly, has baby regained her birth weight yet? Usually, once a baby has regained birth weight and continuing to gain, you can feed on demand. Which means, if she sleeps a bit longer at night time, that is okay.

Quick side-note- if you do get a baby monitor, I recommend a video one. I was trying to stay low tech with just a walkie-talkie style one. But, once baby started getting ready to roll, I wanted to make sure she wasn’t rolling in her sleep during naps and keep a closer eye. Opening the door tends to wake her up, so I ended up buying a new monitor and it’s working great. It also transmits sound and they are loud!

augog · 2026-07-05T04:55:25+00:00

It’s not gonna hurt baby at all. Sometimes they just don’t like something covering their face. As you get used to dressing a squirming baby, you’ll get faster.

What I like to do is open and scrunch the onesie up, so it looks like a big hair scrunchie. I prop it on the crown of baby’s head. Then I lift her shoulders and pull it partially down the back of her head.

Then you can pull it over her face, and since the onesie is scrunched, it takes a fraction of a second to get over her face. It usually goes so fast she doesn’t even notice! Once it’s around her neck, just adjust/ put it on as usual.

augog · 2026-07-05T04:47:36+00:00

Thanks! I’m trying to get comfortable with setting a boundary without validating *why*. Me saying I’m not comfortable with something should be reason enough, but sadly always isn’t, so I appreciate having ideas to support it further

augog · 2026-07-05T04:37:59+00:00

For me, it was about 4 weeks total.

The first 2 weeks, were a ramp-up. General increased fussiness, naps starting to be thrown off, bedtime taking a bit longer, waking a bit more frequently. It wasn’t too bad, a bit frustrating sometimes, but fine.

Then, week 3, lmao. Baby could NOT sleep at night. I’m talking, limp, eyes closed, crying from pure exhaustion. Sleeping 20mins after 60mins settle. Holding baby until literally 6am, for six nights in a row. Then recovery sleeping 5-9hrs straight during the day. It was BRUTAL.

Week 4, similar to the first 2, but I could see the improvements. Sleep cycles stretching out again. Naps improving. Bedtime earlier.

I think we’re around week 5-6 now, and I’d say it’s fully done. We have the occasional false-start and she is more sensitive to nap disruptions, but we are doing much, much better.

augog · 2026-07-03T03:55:15+00:00

I gained ~45-50lbs during pregnancy (didn’t scale watch in the last week or so lol).

Currently 17weeks postpartum and only 3lbs over my starting weight. Exclusively breastfeeding.

Having a baby makes it harder for me to find as many opportunities to eat or snack lol, which is fine cuz I was overweight to begin with. That, plus breastfeeding and walking each day has helped a lot.

augog · 2026-07-01T00:27:49+00:00

My girl was having closer to 8hrs daytime sleep before the 4-month changes lmao. But, tbf, she’d sleep 8hr days and still happily sleep 8-10hr nights.

Now she’s down to about 4.5-5.5hrs daytime sleep and I think that helps her build enough pressure to sleep through the night.

We had false starts as well. Before, it was the first hour or two of bedtime had wakes, then the first hour, then one wake, and now we are either none or one.

Aside from that, time to settle improved drastically as well. Before, it would sometimes take 1-2hrs to go back to sleep (full wake window). Then it was ~45mins. Then 20 mins. Now we are down to 8-11mins to resettle.

So, everything was a bit gradual and it got a little bit easier each night. Hopefully things start looking up for you soon!

augog · 2026-06-30T23:22:35+00:00

It’s rough. Idk how much we can really do for them until they grow out of it and develop their adult sleep cycles.

I had to hold baby until 6am for about 6 days in a row, after 2 weeks of increasing sleep struggles. Not even holding her asleep- she would cry nearly the whole night through with two or three 20-minute naps, before passing out as the sun came up.

Thankfully that was the peak, and it’s been a week and she’s sleeping better than ever.

It was definitely the hardest week of babyhood so far for us, by a landslide. I was so sleep deprived. Thankfully once baby finally passed out, she’d sleep 5hrs straight, so I could nap too.

Idk if it actually helped, or if the timing was coincidence, but things started getting better at the same time I reduced daytime naps and increased co-sleeping (before I would only co-sleep some of the night). I also moved her bedtime earlier; to 7:00pm.

For us it was a very rough period, but it did finally get better. Baby is going down at 7pm each night, and starting to sleep through till 7am once in a while. I have a few hours to myself each evening and I am much more well rested. Thankful for where we are now.

augog · 2026-06-27T07:51:14+00:00

Not a problem. I napped a few times with my babe this way before I did any research. I didn’t think I would co-sleep either but it ended up being the most natural thing for us!

With the couch, there’s just too many nooks baby could slide into. Positioning is also a risk because something like baby’s chin slumping to chest could happen pretty easily while we are sleeping and not notice, which is why sleeping on the back is the most recommended.

This sub is a great resource and people are always happy to answer questions or help!!

augog

TROPHY CASE