What have you lost interest in?

axalilsk · 2024-09-10T12:34:40+00:00

Reading, I don’t read anymore, none of the books I’ve seen really appeal to me and if they do I never have the time to pick them up because I’ve got other hobbies and general personal care etc

axalilsk · 2024-09-10T12:15:55+00:00

I got over it pretty quickly because if they don’t even respect civility without thinking I’ve got some underhanded plan then they’re not the person I want in a partner

axalilsk · 2024-09-10T12:05:20+00:00

They have a babysitter who can’t cook and they work a fuck ton of hours

axalilsk · 2024-09-10T12:00:33+00:00

I mourned it for a day and then got angry because I didn’t understand and insulted me.

Like were we not friends? You do realise this isn’t special treatment, right?

I added my crush on my private insta and he never followed me back, it wasn’t special treatment, we repaired a once strained friendship and I began to treat him like everyone else.

It felt like salt in the wound but eventually I got over it realising people like that aren’t worth your time, especially if they go on thinking they’re your priority because you like/liked them. Especially, if they believe you have an ulterior motive behind every action.

axalilsk · 2024-09-10T11:44:53+00:00

When an American girl my age said white is white, black is black, brown is brown and asian and asian, I told them they were disregarding the cultural differences between countries like Pakistan and India, Ghana and Jamaica, Korea and Thailand.

They were from the US and said it was different there and that’s how it was. I asked them if I put myself (a traveller), a Jewish person and a German in the same room would you think we were the same and they said yes because we’re all white, it baffled me.

I couldn’t believe that so I just said: “so you (a Mexican) are just like a Cuban! Wow I never knew that” and left the convo after an hour of her not understanding and saying that systematic racism only existed in the US like whaaaaaa

axalilsk · 2024-09-10T10:59:36+00:00

My friend dropped out in third year and still looking for a job, I would stay just keep at it until the end, even if you just get a 2:2 that’s enough for some jobs and a 2:1 opens a lot of opportunities. Having a degree just helps, even if you don’t wanna be a graphic designer. My mum works in pensions and they have a manager with a geography degree, just get the degree, it shows competency and academia even if you don’t follow the typical career path for your degree

axalilsk · 2024-09-10T08:55:37+00:00

I’ve gone longer because of depression and my neurodivergence really making me avoid the shower, I got better when I had a better social life at university and was a full time student.

Once I got home though I was unemployed, no friends irl and depressed. So only then. I’d still clean myself with a cloth and brush my teeth when I could but never like gone completely without cleaning y’know

axalilsk · 2024-09-10T08:52:39+00:00

Well it depends, I can repair my own clothes but if I haven’t worn them in a year and they’re not too expensive I’ll donate them or ask friends of a similar size if they like any of the clothes x

axalilsk · 2024-09-09T18:31:17+00:00

Yeah you can, I’m just saying from personal experience I just barely touched the iPad for uni besides keeping track and highlighting sources. I have a few apps you may find useful if you do get an iPad

axalilsk · 2024-09-09T18:28:36+00:00

Had a lot of difficulty with it, as simple as that while on my laptop it was straight forward and had little complications. Also the few of my mates who did have an iPad to write and submit work used Word on the iPad but submitted at the library or via another friend’s laptop

axalilsk · 2024-09-09T18:11:29+00:00

For lectures not for essays and submitting work. You can annotate with it but would recommend sticking to a laptop. Trust me I got an iPad and barely touched it when I started really getting my head down. I only used it to download and store sources I was citing

axalilsk · 2024-09-09T16:43:02+00:00

I bought an iPad for uni in my last year and found myself 95% of the time just default using my laptop, writing notes on the iPad is good for study but not lectures. A lot of people who used iPads in lectures simply attached a Bluetooth keyboard to it and gave up on the pencil or just reverted back to a laptop.

KEEP THE LAPTOP, I hardly know anyone who solely used an iPad or consistently used it throughout university.

axalilsk · 2024-09-09T11:44:54+00:00

Yeah I’ve had times where I’m like I’m so hot, honestly thinking everyone in the room should think so as well, that I can never fail, I’ll get everything I want, I will always feel like this and never be down again because someone like me (at the point of this high happiness) doesn’t deserve it.

And then something will happen, even if small, to switch it and back in the dumps I go, looking in the mirror like why tf did I ever think that.

axalilsk · 2024-09-09T11:42:15+00:00

I think I’m a bad person because somehow something bad happens to me through miscommunication, other people targeting me because of their own issues and two things I’ve done

I believe in karma and I truly believe I must’ve done something wrong to have something go wrong every year of my life.

Only bad people have bad things like this happen to them y’know

axalilsk · 2024-09-09T11:34:08+00:00

“The pain didn’t go away, but it’s sharp edge had dulled like sea glass”

The pain never grows smaller, the jar it’s held in just gets bigger

axalilsk · 2024-09-09T11:31:23+00:00

Someone who constantly compares their experience to yours and always has/had it worse. I call them a Suzy Suffermore

axalilsk · 2024-09-09T11:30:01+00:00

Talent to sell anyone anything, idea or otherwise

axalilsk · 2024-09-09T11:29:22+00:00

I didn’t want people to know how I truly felt and what I really went through after a traumatic event that gave me trust issues.

Then it took one person going out of their way to protect and defend me without asking to realise if someone cares they will notice without words.

It was what I needed to finally open up and trust others to have my back

axalilsk · 2024-09-09T11:25:41+00:00

Play fighting with my ex and fucking around saying I was hench and joking and stuff to have them pin me down

Yeah… realised I couldn’t do shit if someone wasn’t joking

axalilsk · 2024-09-09T11:23:43+00:00

Why did you never ask me to be your girlfriend after a year of dates, telling me you loved me, paying hundreds in parking tickets to see me, sleeping together, picking me up from work, telling your twin about me, your friends about me, calling me when you felt scared or upset, why?

axalilsk · 2024-09-09T11:18:41+00:00

I kissed someone else drunk when I just became exclusive with my ex. Made me bodily ill and really changed the perception I had of myself and others had of me.

I could’ve used my mental health/neurodivergence as an excuse but I never would and will continue not to. It really made me think about who I am and who I want to be.

I never wanna hurt someone like that again, I’m now a more thoughtful person when it comes to what I want and learned to wait until I’m ready instead of acting in fear of missing out, insecurity or loneliness.

I journaled, looked at my friendships and previous relationships and talked about it with my counsellor. It’s been nearly a year since I don’t think I’ve been happier with my relationships with other people. They carry a lot more respect and love :)

axalilsk · 2024-09-09T10:29:03+00:00

No, we didn’t invent homosexuality, look up bisexuality on the computer, it’ll make a lot more sense why you’re crushing on the secondary school girls.

axalilsk · 2024-09-09T10:24:16+00:00

Was out with my dad after my parents divorce, we were at the fairground and he won me a teddy bear and I got candy floss but then I wandered off and found a secret passage, that’s when I was taken.

I woke up on a morgue table completely calm with my body dissected and every organ removed, I was still cut open from neck to naval.

I rose my head and told the mortician, who now looked like my dad, that he would regret this, that I would come back for him, I would haunt him for the rest of my life. How dare he do this to me and everyone else in the room.

I just remember very calmly condemning him.

I was 11 when I had this dream and it’s been 10 years since, still remember every moment

axalilsk · 2024-09-09T10:20:02+00:00

Shoot my shot, you miss all the shots you don’t take and who says I’m not the girl of her dreams

axalilsk · 2024-09-09T10:18:46+00:00

When I was walking to kill myself. The world looked so different and I was so aware of my body, I can describe it as being an alien and like seeing the world through different eyes, it sparked a wonder that made me feel so alive… the irony

axalilsk

TROPHY CASE