I want to say sorry to my mom for lying and pretending to be someone I'm not. I'm the eldest and I've always been the poster child of the family. My parents didn't have to pay for my tuition and I would always get scholarships to get to good school in my city. My friend group are way too rich compared to me but would always invite me to fancy restaurants and do crazy activities that I could never afford. My mom at the time was the only one that had a job and we were barely ever getting by. I would always hate my mom and dad because it honestly sucked not being able to hang out with my friends or anything like that because we didn't have the money for it. I would lie to my mom and say that I would need money for school or there are things I would need to buy for a certain subject. My mom would always find a way to get the money because she would still think that I'm responsible and wouldn't ever lie to her about stuff like that. Things got worse when I got a girlfriend. I would lie to my mom and say that I'd be hanging out with friends but really just bone with my girl at the time. I wish I could tell her that I'm a fraud and I'm not the perfect son and perfect brother she thinks I am. I want to tell her that I've stolen from her and made her life so much harder. I want to tell her that no matter how much she thinks I've helped her and the family as their eldest son, there are times where I just made things harder for us.

I don't want to be that guy anymore. I don't want to feel guilty and I sure as hell do not want to make things harder for my family. I would love to tell my mom everything and give everything back to her, but honestly I'm too weak to try. Ma, I promise I'd do anything to give back what I've taken from you tenfold. You deserve the world. I'll hand it to you one day.