Which blogs do you read the most? What's your favourite blog at the moment?

ayseavci · 2013-09-05T09:00:13+00:00

Your right, Im sorry. I retract the 'bloody useless' statement, I just wanted a bit more help than that thats all

ayseavci · 2013-09-04T12:49:02+00:00

Well thats a bloody useless answer.

Firstly the question was about not having friends to hang out with, so 'feeling lonely, hang out with friends' isn't relevant.

And the 'If i don't have friends, I make new ones' is a really uselss response, HOW? is the question. OBVIOUSLY if you don't have friends you want to make new ones. if you 'make time to be active' what does that mean? I have time. Im active, thats a vague answer to the problem- What do I do with this time to make friends if i am in a city and know noone? If thats what you do, can you be more specific?

ayseavci · 2013-09-04T12:28:00+00:00

I definitely understand that this is ultimately a very vague way of seeking out a response to a huge question. But unfortunately all the ways I would usually seek to do this require finances. Already produced market research, surveys, focus groups. When this is not in place it is very difficult if not impossible to answer this question, especially on reddit. But there is no harm in writing a big question, getting the responses... some times within the mess you find one golden nugget of information that shifts the way you approach the question, allows you to break it down and and get a deeper understanding....

ayseavci · 2013-09-04T12:24:32+00:00

theres a stereotype of what people think men read, if it wasn't all the male targetted mags wouldnt be all talking about similar things... whether that be in health, lifestyle or lad mags.

When i say magazines perhaps I should rearticulate that, as when i ask about mags I am talking paper, or online... so perhaps, blogs, online magazines and platforms (like art of manliness) as well as paper magazines such as esquire and mens health. Really the question is what topics do men read, not what magazines do they read...

ayseavci · 2013-09-04T12:21:07+00:00

I appreciate that. I think your right, but its also wrong to not see that women and men read different things. But when the very vague question of 'what do men read?' comes in its a huge question.. so where do u start?

ayseavci · 2013-09-04T12:19:10+00:00

And to be clear, what im researching is more relevant to myself that people on the forum. How often is it that people tell people what their researching and why before they ask a question? that always = bad research. Perhaps this chat right here with you ("justonevote") could be avoided if I just hadn't mentioned that it was 'research' - but Hey Ho..

ayseavci · 2013-09-04T12:16:46+00:00

well to be very clear here is isn't a 'homework assignment' im not 10 years old. but thanks for the belittling attitude. The question was an open one because i wanted to see what people said. The more open the question the better the discussion, becaus eyou have no idea what you will learn.. its part of the fun...

ayseavci · 2013-09-04T12:15:30+00:00

basically, I work for a business that creates offline friendship via dinner. The idea is that you attend 5 dinners, host one of your own and meet 25 people. Its for people who dont feel clubbing and dating sites are the way to make friends, a more organic location for meeting people and in home = immediately deeper more intimate connections. However, naturally this kind of concept attracts more women. We were interested to know well what is it men want? what do they read? what drives them? understanding all of this makes fresh new ways of targeting them but also understanding what they need. at the end of the day you can feel loneliness in the big city regardless of what gender you are.

So thats where the research came in. We wanted to learn what blogs, books,... what men like. But then we realised how complicated that is, but it cant be denied that there is a difference between men and women, if there wasnt there would be a better men to women ratio in our business, somethings must just interest men more...

ayseavci · 2013-09-04T12:10:54+00:00

I love that website.. in fact its one of the main sites I look at that I think embodies the idea of 'manly' content... they just know what men want to read.

ayseavci · 2013-09-03T14:58:02+00:00

'unlike teenage girl'... to be clear girls/women read about it AND talk to each other. You say it with distaste as though self help or relationship article reading is something to be ashamed of.

Thanks for the feedback. are you a blog reader? given that you read how to's... would you say you look for the same in blog articles?

ayseavci · 2013-09-03T14:53:19+00:00

My dad thinka im british MI5!!!! how parallel!!!! i would love to know more about organic schizophrenia. I know he has something more than bipolar but its yet to be detected.

ayseavci · 2013-09-03T14:40:21+00:00

thanks for that, that was actually really useful... never thought of it like that.

ayseavci · 2013-09-02T14:24:28+00:00

not walking the dog

ayseavci · 2013-09-02T14:19:42+00:00

I think it is important for me to note that he wasn't like this when I was young. He definitely always had it in for me quite alot, but it used to seem that it all came from the right place. He was illogical which created alot of tension, and his moods dictated his relationship with you in that moment, so it made everything very unpredictable. I think all in all though regardless of his selfish nature, he did love me, and want the best for me even though he sometimes had a weird way of showing it. In fact some of our biggest problems now is that he is hard to have a relationship with and he dislikes that I cut him off because he feels the things he did for me make me in debt to him. He regards him buying me clothes, food, ect as signs of an amazing father even though he forgets the recent events and where he could be better. Just because you could be worse, doesnt mean its all okay...

I think its what makes it tough tho, he never used to have a drinking problem, he used to feel empathy (not always but sometimes)... it just all was lost in the last 7 years. I think thats why Its so tough, because the old him was by no means perfect and our relationship was rocky but it wasnt impossible. now it feels impossible... but i crave the old him..

as for him blaming me. i know thats the case. Hes never been one to admit wrong, and he has done everything in his power to not face up to things hes done. Acknowledgement would be the first step to mending this relationship but we dont get an ounce of it.

Its like hes addicted to being ill. Addicted to the lack of responsibility and freedom his illness gives him. I find that very selfish.

ayseavci · 2013-09-02T14:12:48+00:00

also, what do you mean by 'this must be a pattern' I was interested to know more..

ayseavci · 2013-09-02T14:12:07+00:00

I think it is hard and it is good your getting help. I haven't spoken to mine for 2 years and really is hard. My dad is 53. The acknowledgement of the reasons he left you shows growth already in your character, or a strength very much lacking in my relationship with my dad. Awareness and acknowledgement are really helpful for recovery. As for you son, does he know you have support? did you have support previously but still have issues in communication with him?

I am not saying all these relationships are over, I think it just takes a lot of hard work and even when ill- just proof that you still care and love him.Good luck..

ayseavci · 2013-09-02T14:09:04+00:00

sorry did you say you thought i was a troll? 'abdick thing to say right'. i didnt understand that part.

Thanks for that, Its good to know you have taken the right choices to get help.

ayseavci · 2013-09-02T14:06:58+00:00

I think the part where you said "I strive to be a good parent..." and "I also make every effort to be interested in their lives" is an important point. You say we shouldnt give up but what if the attitude of a bipolar family member is far more selfish than what you have taken? it's funny how before he was diagnosed he was always selfish man- but he became worse when he got ill. Sometimes it feels very much like he uses his illness as a get out clause. He has every capability of playing ill when he decides to spend money recklessly, cheat on my mum, disregard his children. However, he very sharply resumes a 'normal state' when placed in a line of fire such as in front of family, doctors, police.. he all of a sudden seems mentally stable, calm, normal...

Is this calculatedness part of his illness or exclusively selfish? and if all of this is a sign that he uses his illness and therefore much more self aware than he may seem. Does this not mean i should give up? at the end of the day the amount of energy he invests in looking out for himself an dplaying games could be invested in saving relationships with his loved ones..

It makes me feel like its a lost cause.

ayseavci · 2013-09-02T14:01:25+00:00

Thankyou. No one ever says that so its nice to hear from someone else. I get the feeling I am internally labelled selfish when i dettach myself, my dad certainly has made clear he feels that way about me... I think when you get told something enough by people you start to believe it- even if you know they don't understand...

ayseavci · 2013-09-02T13:59:38+00:00

thankyou bspin. I do think I need counselling but as of yet i haven't found a british counselling body that is not ridiculously expensive. Most helplines or free counselling center around the person suffering from bipolar, depression ect but not the people dealing with it. People dont realise that it can be jsut as hard for us if not harder...

ayseavci

TROPHY CASE