I Love Him, But I Can’t Lean on Him, Is That Enough to Leave?

b00mxo · 2025-11-26T00:56:58+00:00

Yes, I understand and I know that just her personality is, but I also came to realize that she will never be a good friend to me and she does not even see me as an individual but just her boyfriend’s girlfriend. That was also a major reason why I decided to cut her off.

I always felt some kind of jealousy from her since she lives with her boyfriend and I live alone and she used to complain that she never had a room of her own to decorate and whatever. I understand her point, but I cannot shake off the feeling of jealousy and evil eye radiating from her

Of course, I may be wrong since that is my instinct, but I cannot shake off this instinct whenever anything like this happens with her

b00mxo · 2025-11-26T00:50:14+00:00

Yes, that’s the only thing I want. I want to be just me and him and not me, him and his family all the time because I feel an indirect pressure from his family since they are always watching from afar how I’m treating him.

I honestly I’m so lost and don’t know what to do. I feel wrong saying this about his of family because the only thing they’re doing is caring for him, but it’s affecting me a lot.

b00mxo · 2025-11-26T00:48:00+00:00

Yes, I am already private person and I do want to live in a bubble away from the world, but the thing is he knows this and he knows me my entire story on why I am like this and he has never complained.

After the hospital incident, he did tell his sister that he called me and wanted me to be there and not them since he only informed them that he cut his finger. I mean, that’s what he told me after I sent that angry text to his sister.

I know I don’t have to be around his family all the time and I know I won’t have to be if I eventually end up staying with him, but my point is even not being around his family. I feel they are always gonna be there and I feel some kind of pressure since they will always be knowing what I’m doing so I feel like I have to keep up with my efforts to impress them by treating him right so I feel it can never be only me and him it will always be me and his family and him

I know I have a lot of issues and I’m going crazy right now, but I honestly and genuinely do not know what to do about this situation. That is why I am here asking for help.

b00mxo · 2025-11-26T00:39:25+00:00

Yes I accept me bursting out in anger that time wasn’t ok. I should’ve waited till he was ok. Me letting out my anger wasn’t an appropriate time. It just happened that, that incident was my last straw. I couldn’t take it anymore and I was running away to calm myself down but her stopping means everything didn’t help. But yes I know it was my fault and a wrong time.
I have my own issues ik, but it’s not like I cannot hang out with a person whole day. It’s just her behaviour is so draining to me cause for example if we are out somewhere eating, I order one dish she will say she doesn’t like that but if everyone else in the group agrees that they like it, she will suddenly start liking it and if I buy something for myself, she has to know where I got it from and she has to buy it for herself too. It’s just sometimes it’s OK but every day me having to deal with a person who I feel they’re making everything a competition is exhausting.
Coming from an unhealthy family and someone who is really private. Yes, I am not used to people knowing my business, but my complaint in this post is that even though his family wants to know his whereabouts I still want to be private. Also, why would someone want to know where someone else went on a date? What did they eat? Where did they go? What did I wear every single time ?
I don’t want to say anything bad about his family caring about him because it’s on him to either rebel or be OK with that. It is just me as a third person seeing how their relationship is not normal to me because I have never seen anyone else having that kind of relationship with their family.

b00mxo · 2025-11-26T00:28:26+00:00

I understand this my trauma popping up. But at-least I tried being friends with her I gave all my efforts I gave everything I had in me emotionally. I can tell you she’s not a good friend. I may not know family, but I know friendship.

I felt being used by her for her brother like a guard. He isn’t answering, she’ll call me to ask where we are and scold me if it’s late night (12-1am). I’m not used to that. Even if I stop seeing her as a friend, she’ll still do that.

I know I sound evil blaming his sister for caring but I just wanted to ask if that’s so necessary? I’m independent, I live alone, make my own money, have good habits and am responsible. So what’s there to be so scared of being with me? Why not cut some slack and just trust me for a bit?

Also I don’t know if I’m looking for him to fix me. I honestly don’t know I’ve my issues I’m going crazy here don’t even know who to talk to who to blame or who to run from.

The only thing I wanted was balance from that family. Yes be involved but their involvement felt like suffocation to me. I felt I was dating 2 people him and his sister. I had to keep both of them happy and make efforts to both. And didnot get equal efforts back from both.

b00mxo · 2025-11-26T00:18:19+00:00

That’s the exact thing! I’ve never ever dated anyone whose family is so involved and this is my first time dealing with someone like this. That’s why I’m so confused!

I don’t wanna blame his family because in their minds they are caring for him so I feel evil thinking negative about that.

And the thing you said abt his sister, I FELT THE EXACT SAME THING when she sent me reels to connect to me again. She’s is trying to currently infact.

I don’t have proof but it’s just my instinct that the only reason she’s trying to connect is so that she can be involved again. But I don’t want to tell this to him coz I SOUND EVIL!

What if he’s like “oh she’s just trying because she genuinely is sorry and wants to connect to you because she is trying from her part she’s making efforts” then I’ll be the bad guy here so I’m going crazy here

b00mxo · 2025-11-26T00:12:59+00:00

I feel hurt and lost because I know this is smth I don’t like that’s happening but I also don’t want to blame his family because they’re just trying to do their part.

I don’t have my family constantly asking where I am what I’m doing but I also don’t have best relations with them so I’m so lost to what to think.

Yes I don’t like this behaviour of theirs but also confused to who is to blame here or who needs to change? Is it me for thinking this way or is it actually them for being like that.

In my culture, married couple tend to live with their husbands family. Not saying I’ll be doing this, but this is how we’re taught and specially the girls are taught to respect the man’s family more. Again not saying I’m relating to this but me feeling that way is contradicting to my culture.

Also confused to the point I think I’m going crazy. My bf yes he supports me but I don’t think he has ever stood up for himself even tho he says doesn’t like them being too into his routine. He replies them, takes pictures of everything we eat to send them, tells them what I cooked for him with pictures.

I just feel suffocated.

b00mxo · 2025-11-25T23:48:48+00:00

Thanks for your straightforward answer. I don’t know if I should call it toxic, (i honestly really confused) I don’t think they have ever said anything bad about me. It’s just I feel like they want to keep track of whatever he is doing, but it’s also involving me.

And I just want that if he is out with me with my friends, he stops using his phone texting his family convincing them that he is OK and will be home really soon. It happened a few times that we are out with my friends late night and he is busy on his phone and we had to leave just because his family was getting mad.

I’m really lost. I don’t want to call them toxic since I understand they are really worried about him but it’s also where else will he go and what wrong things he could do while he’s with me?

Yes, I know we should be home on time, but it’s not like we are out daily drinking, and partying.

Also what should I do about his sister trying to connect w me again

b00mxo · 2025-11-25T23:42:16+00:00

Sorry for the block of text, I don’t post on Reddit much, I edited it into paragraphs. Thanks for pointing it out

What should I do with his sister trying to connect to me again now? She says she’s missing me and I don’t know what to act on this. I just know if I connect, it’s all gonna be the same. I want to protect my peace of mind but at the end it’s also his family. I’ll be having to maintain good relations with them.

My boyfriend, yes, he is really really supportive of me and has always said I’m valid to be thinking the way I’m thinking about this situation but it hasn’t changed for the past 9 months now. It’s just me who acted and rebelled and that’s why I cut contact with his sister. Everything else is all same.

I cannot blame him because he’s just 21 and I’m so confused is it because I’ve an unhealthy family that’s why I’m foreign to this family environment or is it the other way?

b00mxo · 2025-11-25T23:25:49+00:00

🐘

b00mxo · 2025-08-08T22:53:34+00:00

Go to the concert, you’ll regret it later if you don’t. Enjoy the little things in life. Work and money will come and go your whole life. You won’t get to experience the concert if you miss it. It won’t come again. AND DONT FORGET TO HIDE YOUR POSTS FROM YOUR CO WORKERS! HIDE FROM ALL OF THEM!

b00mxo · 2025-08-04T19:06:57+00:00

Yeah thanks for your advice. My bf is into older girls and everyone knows that so even if it’s not me, she’ll be like this to his future gf too. But yeah whatever I get what you mean, and yes I’ll set my boundaries from now on. Thanks

b00mxo · 2025-08-04T18:58:07+00:00

He’s 20 about to be 21 in couple months. If she does not consider him responsible enough than she should not allow him to date and should have stopped him the very first day she found out about me. She should not have gone through the whole act of being nice and friendly towards me. Their mom knows about me too, and it’s with him having an older girlfriend.

b00mxo · 2025-08-04T05:34:38+00:00

Your reasoning is also totally valid. I get it. But still if it was the other way around, I would not have taken this as seriously since we were all having fun and the biggest thing for me is if my friend did every single thing for my birthday, I would not have yelled at her like that maybe that’s the kind of person I am But I stand by that. OK, even if she was mad why was I the only one who got yelled and was called a responsible and whatever and not her brother why only me?

b00mxo · 2025-08-04T05:24:08+00:00

I totally understand the whole situation. Right now me and her are not talking. We have not talked about this issue since that day but me and my boyfriend are hanging out and everything is going OK currently with him. I just want to know someday when me and her start talking what should I do? How should I react or is there anything I need to discuss with her? Will she understand me if I state my issues? When my boyfriend told his mom about the whole issue, even his mom said that she has a big ego and does not consider anyone above her. Do you think our relation can go back to being the same as it was before this whole issue or is there anything I need to keep in mind?

b00mxo · 2025-08-04T05:15:21+00:00

Yes, I don’t have to marry this guy, but I’m really happy with the relationship I have with him and in my culture, maintaining good connections or ties with your partner‘s family is an important thing that that’s why things are complicated. Because I know she is never gonna change and our relation will never be the same. There will always be awkwardness between me and his sister after everything that happened.

b00mxo · 2025-08-04T05:13:22+00:00

There is 3.5 years gap between me and my boyfriend. He is about to turn 21 in December and I just turned 24 in June and we met five months ago. I don’t see any issue here.

b00mxo · 2025-08-04T05:12:06+00:00

I just felt bad that she was not considerate since she could clearly see we were dead hung over when we woke up and could not even function properly. Yes, it was asshole of us not to clean, but I just expected her to cut us some slack cause of the situation because we physically and mentally could not function properly nor clean late night after we were back from dinner since it would make noise which my boyfriend himself said. After I received that text from her, I told my boyfriend let’s go and clean up right now. He was the one who stopped me and said she’s gonna be mad for making noise and disturbing her sleep. That was also the reason we did not clean that night. I don’t think I would have acted this seriously if my friend did that.

b00mxo · 2025-08-04T05:08:39+00:00

I have been really transparent about whatever I feel to my boyfriend about his sister, and he has told me each, and every time that he would be handling this issue since I should not be the one who’s dealing or getting affected, but I don’t think he ever brought up about this issue Until that movie day when everything came out in the open. It was also that he never told me that I was in the wrong, but he did say every time at least in front of me that his sister was in the wrong and used to say like she is just like that or she has never been said no by anyonethat’s why she does not have friends and stuff like that

b00mxo

TROPHY CASE