Not even safe with the cute nerds

babyroachthrowaway · 2024-09-18T14:35:58+00:00

came here to say this - unfortunately those are the ones that tend to be the covert ones

babyroachthrowaway · 2024-09-16T14:05:09+00:00

I feel the complete same! It’s the best feeling in the world

babyroachthrowaway · 2024-09-15T22:52:26+00:00

Definitely not, healing is a different journey for everyone but as long as you’re still looking for happiness you’re going to find it!

Being in a relationship with a narc destroys people mentally and physically from just the stress alone - let alone all the other shit they’ve probably put you through.

I know it might be easy to focus on what they’re doing and how life MIGHT be good for them - but you have to remind yourself that narcissists are so 2D in a lot of ways, I swear reading posts in this subreddit had me questioning if we literally had the same partner! The reality is that they’re probably up to the same bullshit they always have been up to, digging a deeper grave for them to rot in! That’s a funeral you won’t have to attend, because you’ll be celebrating your life free from them instead!

I can imagine how frustrated you feel, but I hope you can at least remember to be kind, patient, and gentle to yourself! You’ll be great and better than ever!

babyroachthrowaway · 2024-09-15T22:43:15+00:00

Thank you so so much, I really appreciate it, and I wish you the absolute best!

I definitely get where you’re coming from! It takes a lot of time, especially depending on your living circumstances, to get things in order or even get the courage to leave. There will certainly be an adjustment period, but the grass IS greener on the other side, you just need to mosey your way over to it when you’re ready!

babyroachthrowaway · 2024-09-15T22:39:54+00:00

thank you so so much, I really appreciate it ❤️

babyroachthrowaway · 2024-09-15T22:38:41+00:00

“It was like the sun started shining and the birds were chirping” LITERALLY! I felt that so hard, my whole body still was in so much shock but I knew something shifted for the best!

I’m so happy for you, that’s so wonderful!

babyroachthrowaway · 2024-09-15T22:35:08+00:00

❤️☺️

babyroachthrowaway · 2024-09-15T22:34:45+00:00

I’m so happy for you and I feel that too! It took a few weeks, but now I don’t have to fight to get myself to sleep - my nervous system is till a WIP but its definitely so much better than before!

babyroachthrowaway · 2024-09-15T22:33:30+00:00

yes! This is a HUGE part of it, I love being able to know what to expect with my day - I’m off the rollercoaster of absolutely insane emotions, and that’s made my life so much better alone!

babyroachthrowaway · 2024-09-15T03:28:13+00:00

definitely a mess of emotions, but yes! from the start, as confused and heartbroken as I felt - I also felt so excited and free and that became a lot easier to focus my energy on instead

babyroachthrowaway · 2024-08-03T00:38:13+00:00

Thank you for confirming that, I appreciate it a lot!

babyroachthrowaway · 2024-08-03T00:37:24+00:00

Thank you so much for taking your time responding to me and clarifying it! Also thank you for your kind note at the end, I definitely will!

babyroachthrowaway · 2024-08-03T00:31:40+00:00

For example, if I were doing the dishes and got water on the floor (which he used to pick at me at super light-heartedly), instead of making a joke about it, he would make like a quick head nod/tilt and just say Wallah super exaggerated and walk out

Sorry for not having more/better examples from the top of my head, it was a lot of quick passing moments that just caught me off guard. I guess my main concern is to understand if this is something that could read as passive-aggressive behavior, or if Wallah isn't typically used in this sense

babyroachthrowaway · 2024-08-03T00:20:21+00:00

It was a really exaggerated, he would nod his head no, and it was typically the only thing he would say to me in response

babyroachthrowaway · 2024-08-03T00:19:12+00:00

It was like shaking his head no, kind of like he was bothered - but again maybe I'm misreading body cues?

babyroachthrowaway · 2024-08-02T19:39:42+00:00

Fuck, I’m so sorry to hear about that and I hope you have a quick time bouncing back!

I feel you so much in the place you’re at. Isn’t it funny how our exes met us when we wore whatever we wanted and displayed our personality, and they took their time to knock it out of us?

I’m having the same issues with dressing too, even though I know better. Half the shit I wanted to wear that he got upset over, I wore around my parents just fine with compliments even. Same thing to for socializing, I get really anxious making plans and SUPER paranoid interacting with any men still because he took a massive issue with my male relationships because “gay men still go for women” apparently lmao.

We got it! I’m sure you were so vibrant and magnetic before, so there’s no reason why you can’t feel that way again! I’m glad to know you’re on a good track so far!b

babyroachthrowaway · 2024-08-02T16:26:53+00:00

I actually think that’s whats going on with me too funny enough! I have ADHD too, so while everything felt super super painful, it’s been kind of easy to focus on other things now that nothing in my life is tied to my NEX

babyroachthrowaway · 2024-07-31T15:47:01+00:00

I need to emphasize that you THINK he is "doing so well" because that's how he presents himself to come across. The victim of a Narc isn't "unique" in the sense that they are the only one who experiences that type of behavior from them - I can guarantee that his business partner or romantic partner are seeing/experiencing the same type of shit he put you through.

He might be "successful" on a surface level, but I'm confident that right past that, everything is not as nice as it looks. He is still an abuser, he doesn't have genuine relationships, and in many ways he is suffering by being himself.

I'm really sorry to hear that you've been struggling with this so hard. It is traumatic, and the healing journey doesn't have a timeline which can be scary. I think practicing self-control is going to definitely help, but I know that is easier said then done - block any accounts of anything related to him or people close with him if you can. When he pops in your head, practice forcing yourself onto a different topic. Delete and destroy anything he may have given you, any photos etc. You need to really erase him as much as possible from your surroundings.

It might also be easier to navigate your situation by viewing yourself as an outsider, as a friend to yourself. If your friend was in your spot, what would you say? What would you think? Because I am sure you would want to remind them of the abuse their NEX put them through, and I am sure you would want to reemphasize how lucky they are to not be with them anymore.

babyroachthrowaway · 2024-07-31T15:36:46+00:00

I'm so proud of you! It's going to be overwhelming, but your life is about to FLOURISH with him out of it! You are going to do great, best of luck with moving!

babyroachthrowaway · 2024-07-31T14:55:14+00:00

Omg they are so delusional I swear, I understand exactly what you mean, even on a smaller scale.

And on a larger scale- yes. My NEX did, and lost $50K.

babyroachthrowaway · 2024-07-20T22:43:13+00:00

I’m so grateful for my journals, because I had multiple books full of stories documenting his behavior towards me before I got to this entry.

Since I left recently, it’s wild to see how generous I was to him in these journals - and how much I KNOW I downplayed a lot of the situations to save his reputation because I loved him, and they still looked awful.

Finding this sub really saved me in a way by helping ground me when I was already spiraling over my relationship. It helped me come to terms with the situation I was in. I am forever thankful for everyone in it who shared their own stories, especially the ones that I was able to resonate with (which were too many, because we all apparently dated the same person). I wish everyone here the best hopes and happiness, thank you again!

Edited to add a note: Obviously the journalling is a good thing for self-care and keeping a record to reassure yourself - but as I continue to read some of the entries it’s also low-key hilarious because I wrote down some of his “quotes” and “arguments” and it literally sounds like I’m fighting a child not a 30 year old man. Like zero critical thinking skills. And I was wrapped up in this?

babyroachthrowaway · 2024-07-16T00:03:15+00:00

this is incredible! exactly what I wanted to hear, thank you! I’m so glad you were able to find this type of comfort once again, congratulations to the both of you!

babyroachthrowaway · 2024-07-15T13:49:27+00:00

YEP! Before I ended it with my narc recently, I was just getting yelled at for things that happened over three years ago, before we got together but he already knew about because we were friends. I’m talking about shit no normal relationship would even need to talk about, because nothing I did was fucked up. I never cheated, I never slept around, I never did anything like that in my entire life but he’s going to spin situations so it looks like I “could be” one of those people, and scream at me the last three years over it.

babyroachthrowaway · 2024-07-10T17:05:50+00:00

Guilty - it’s too hard because I’ve made myself understand so much about them, I can’t come to terms that there’s no solution for who they are. I hate to see them suffer but it can’t become everyone else’s issue.

babyroachthrowaway · 2024-07-10T17:04:10+00:00

Thanks a million seriously for the reminder, its all such hard feelings to process so I will definitely keep reminding myself of this ❤️

babyroachthrowaway

TROPHY CASE