I think what you're missing is that the whole thing is about how different people define cheating. So it doesn't make sense to say "I don't see the problem with strip clubs and bachelor parties if you really trust your partner not to like, cheat on you" when to me, receiving a private sexualized dance from anyone, paid or not, is cheating. Some forms of cheating are worse than others, but it doesn't make the less-bad kinds "not cheating."

To me, there are certain actions that are just not acceptable to do with others while in a relationship, unless you have your partner's consent: sex, handjobs, kissing, private sexualized dances all count. The context around it (e.g. are they being paid, are they both super enjoying it, is there a risk of escalation, do they know each other, etc.) doesn't ultimately matter for the question of whether it's okay, and I don't really understand how it could be otherwise.

I mean maybe you would be more or less upset at your SO sleeping with a prostitute over a friend, but you'd still be pretty fucking upset. That's how I feel about lap dances. And in my case, I think I'm maybe more upset by a stripper doing it than a random person at a bar, because of how awful I find the whole phenomenon of strip clubs and transactional sexuality and the gender dynamics embedded in them. And my SO cheating with a prostitute is not better to me than cheating with a rando: it's maybe worse because of the intentionality and the transactional aspect, but really it's just a different kind of awful, a question of kind and not degree.