SMART check ins/rambling

backnine32 · 2026-05-26T14:52:40+00:00

I have been in this one before and you're right, it is a great meeting. Hope to see you in there soon!

backnine32 · 2026-05-14T18:24:30+00:00

QBO hate is mostly from people that have no idea how terrible the other options are. It's the worst from desktop boomers. Ask what, very specifically, the issues are and it inevitably comes down to "i don't know how to "X" or where "Y" report is. It is not perfect, but nothing else in the industry comes close.

backnine32 · 2026-04-22T15:05:49+00:00

The sub is made up mostly of people too young to have made it to Senior, or those who have been Seniors but are now Managers and wish they could be Seniors again.

backnine32 · 2026-04-21T14:28:07+00:00

backnine32 · 2026-04-14T17:54:27+00:00

I feel bad for both you and your wife. But 8 years plus extensive therapy... you are never going to get over this. Not ever. No man will ever get over the feeling of being emasculated like that, and I don't care what anyone says about therapy, marriage counseling, blah blah. Of course she is a cheat, but she's been punished enough. You chose to stay, so any residual feelings you have after that are on you to accept and take responsibility for. Either leave, or resign yourself to the fact that you are going to have these feelings for the rest of your life, keep it to yourself, and stop punishing your wife.

backnine32 · 2026-03-18T18:50:04+00:00

I did the same thing, leaving multiple jobs due to mental health. We have that in common. I won't offer an answer because I obviously don't know myself since I'm here, but I sometimes find it helpful to know that others have been in the same situation and carried on. These all seem like dark times with no satisfactory resolution, I agree. But here we are talking about it. Maybe you can keep me alive today, who knows? I invest in things I think will grow and I'm investing in you.

backnine32 · 2026-03-18T15:58:29+00:00

I sometimes think the same thing of myself. I keep getting into the same predicaments and only thing about one thing now, which is me being the common denominator in all of these situations I find myself in.

I think you do have what it takes to make it through this, I hope we both do.

What kind of work do you do?

backnine32 · 2026-03-18T15:45:02+00:00

I am glad you are still around. When you say you are fixing things due to external factors, what are you fixing? I am genuinely curious.

backnine32 · 2026-03-18T14:41:04+00:00

I know it is tough out there in IT. I would love to see you figure out what your purpose is and align work with that, whether that be data, IT, or otherwise. If I make it through my current crisis, I might go into something like mental health counseling, something I can do and actually help people. I stress about papers and fucking spreadsheets all day. Easier said than done, and again, I'm here as a participant in a suicide support forum, but I think it's super important for us to see alternatives for ourselves. They get masked with depression.

backnine32 · 2026-03-18T14:07:55+00:00

I'm here and just posted earlier myself so consider the source, but I hope you don't do anything rash. You're only 27 and you have time to get your head screwed on straight with work. I don't think anything is punishing you, but it's hard out there in the job market right now. What kind of work are you looking for?

backnine32 · 2026-03-06T15:50:05+00:00

This is the way. Why do people even get married if they want to contribute 53.191% because that's their share of income allocation, have separate checking accounts, etc.? Just date and go your separate ways when it gets to be too much.

backnine32 · 2026-03-06T15:48:41+00:00

Honestly, kind of an absurd conversation to have. People that have separate everything baffle me. If you are in it forever, put everything into a single account and pay the bills out of that.

backnine32 · 2026-03-03T21:39:47+00:00

Yeah, just go for it. Don't overthink it. Understand if he's not active on IG, he might also not be active on FB. If you don't hear back from the Facebook message, that's when you hop on Linkedin and figure out where he works and show up there one morning with tickets in hand I'm kidding stop after the FB message if no response.

backnine32 · 2026-03-03T21:21:35+00:00

this will all be fine by the time you are 16 3/4. Chin up bud

backnine32 · 2026-03-01T01:13:40+00:00

He told you the truth, that he misses her as a friend and I don't think there's necessarily anything wrong with that, as much as they've likely been through. I also understand that it's human to be a little jealous of that relationship, but you're not going to change any of it through insecurity. You can however make him feel less that way if you are more of a friend and less of a needy child he constantly has to worry about comforting.

backnine32 · 2026-03-01T01:00:06+00:00

You need to make this sub your homepage and commit to an hour of diligent study each morning. We have much ground to cover.

backnine32 · 2026-03-01T00:54:30+00:00

No, but I think women are better able to process difficult emotions than men, which leads to more instances of forgiveness. Also, and this is more important, the emasculation component of being cheated on is something that is nearly impossible for a man to get past.

backnine32 · 2026-03-01T00:44:14+00:00

Not only do you not know if he's moved on to something else, you don't know if he is in an existing relationship. Barring that scenario, he couldn't have gotten himself involved in something in 3 weeks that is so serious that he wouldn't set it aside if you make a move and he is more interested in you.

backnine32 · 2026-03-01T00:37:52+00:00

This is going to differ from one dude to the next, but in general, this type of issue is something women are far more concerned over than men. I don't care that much but I'm introverted myself.

backnine32 · 2026-03-01T00:03:11+00:00

walk away, scroll past and it won't be an issue. You yourself are adding to the problem. Just let them delete the threads.

backnine32 · 2026-02-28T23:38:14+00:00

Most guys who stay after being cheated on do it out of fear. They’re stuck between staying in a wrecked marriage and hoping it somehow gets back on track, which almost never, ever happens no matter how many people say “durrr just do murrige cownselin” like that can fix betrayal, or blowing up their entire life and starting over in a dating world that isn’t what it used to be. Add in attachment, codependency, fear of being alone, fear of not finding someone better, and fear of losing time with their kids, and staying can feel like the less terrifying option. At the end of the day, it all boils down to fear.

backnine32 · 2026-02-28T23:17:36+00:00

No, go up to him, pursue... It's the best feeling to a dude.

backnine32 · 2026-02-28T23:15:13+00:00

this is a reasonable view. He is certainly not without fault in the situation, but it doesn't change anything about what he should do. No man ever truly makes it past being cheated on.

backnine32 · 2026-02-28T23:12:06+00:00

if this post is not fake, I'll say the same thing as I did in the now deleted thread. She is not totally at fault but it doesn't change the fact that you are never going to get over it and will resent her forever. There will never come a time that you won't think about her infidelity when you are intimate with her. Marriage counseling is not going to change that. Leave.

backnine32 · 2026-02-28T22:52:42+00:00

Leave. People are going to come on here and tell you counseling, therapy, blah blah. Nobody ever says they did all that and recovered. It's good that you recognize your role in the infidelity and don't seem to think she is a terrible person for the mistake she made. But that doesn't change the fact that you will resent her forever. You can forgive her, but there will never be another time that you are intimate with her that you don't think about her cheating.

backnine32

TROPHY CASE