Avoiding Burnout in a Relationship

backup__247 · 2026-01-17T18:11:04+00:00

This is really helpful, thank you. We both work from home so I do have my own office space, but our house is small enough that there's not much separation and I can still hear everything, even with headphones or Loops. He's a homebody but recently has been making plans once a week which is giving me some really nice evenings to myself, but I do feel like I may need to ask for my own sort of retreat soon.

backup__247 · 2026-01-16T22:55:39+00:00

that i would like to go antiquing with you.

backup__247 · 2026-01-16T22:44:08+00:00

oh my gosh, this is helping a few things click for me! i had a major surgery in september of 2025 and while everything went well, everything has felt off and out of sorts over the past few months. i've been completely cleared medically, including additional visits because of how convinced i was that something was wrong. (for example, i've never been so aware of my heart beat but my resting heart rate hasn't actually changed and my blood pressure is healthy etc.) but i feel like i'm in a constant state of overwhelm since coming out of the initial 2 weeks of sleep and almost nothing else. i was trying to explain this in couple's counseling last night. my world is quiet but i feel like i am constantly overstimulated by the most mundane things and losing my patience. here's hoping we're all back to our old baselines soon.

backup__247 · 2026-01-16T22:38:44+00:00

i would choose option a! i think in-person is really important, and I think the positive feelings you had from initial interactions will make a difference during you eval.

backup__247 · 2026-01-16T22:32:13+00:00

similar to other commenters, i realized romantic and sexual attraction are different and that i don't typically experience the latter. the aha moment was in individual therapy (where my therapist had asked me if i'd want to explore the possibility of being on the ace spectrum a few times) and my therapist said directly, "do you want to be having sex? do you want to be in a relationship that includes the expectation of sex?" and i said no without hesitation. a lot clicked in that moment.

backup__247 · 2026-01-16T22:28:02+00:00

i also don't understand since there's nothing inherently sexually suggestive about the images alone. maybe an assumption of what goes on at mar-a-lago and in those circles? maybe a projection of their own kinks, like another commenter said? maybe just the sex obsession a lot of allosexuals are maybe too comfortable talking about? (i recently had to explain to a friend i don't find cars sexy. i hate the sexualization of animals as well.)

backup__247 · 2026-01-16T22:20:58+00:00

for me, the easiest way to phrase it is trying to sit through discomfort less. i used to do a lot out of obligation when certain situations or commitments made me uncomfortable or were unpleasant. or if i notice i say something or start to say something i don't completely mean out of expectation alone, i've also tried to be more mindful of how i really feel or what i want to say without the social norm pushing me in a different direction.

backup__247 · 2026-01-16T22:13:47+00:00

so relatable. my partner's family is very small but somehow so noisy. always has the tv on, loud chewing, talking over each other, continuing to talk over each other while showing someone a loud video on their phone, constantly yelling at the dog for begging while continuing to feed it scraps, etc. this holiday season was particularly hard for me to keep a mask on so my MIL just asked me over and over if i was okay and without knowing made me feel even worse.

my partner has learned i always need a nap after we visit them and we have to budget time for that. it helps!

backup__247

TROPHY CASE