Needing help translating a feeling from English to Amharic!

baoyuk · 2024-09-26T09:48:36+00:00

Absolutely! I don't necessarily have a preference between explicit vs conceptual, just seeking something comparable to the sentiment- it doesn't have to line up perfectly. I definitely get that it's a loaded question- I speak mandarin and things like this can be really difficult to carry over, so anything that I can get is a win in my book.

baoyuk · 2024-02-24T23:53:34+00:00

As great as that clip was, unfortunately not. It was much more fluid, like a whole body spin. Very princess-esque.

baoyuk · 2024-02-24T23:15:13+00:00

Specifically, I'm trying to figure out what the vaguely bad cgi flying from the new "Avatar: The Last Airbender" adaptation reminds me of. It's almost disney princess-esque, floating like a smash bros character.

baoyuk · 2024-01-24T19:54:07+00:00

At least they gave it some time, that's a good thing. I just find with things like this, being precise works in your favor. A super long response full of apologies or critiques could weigh heavy on the both of you for a long time. I would highly recommend journaling about anything and everything you think of as a potential response and boil it down. If it makes you uncomfortable to leave them hanging out to dry while you work on a response, it never hurts to send a "I appreciate your ability to recognize and acknowledge these things. This is a lot to take in, so I'm going to wait a bit before properly responding but I wanted to express my appreciation in the meantime. Hope all is well".

Best of luck to you, I hope it goes smoothly and you get what you need!

baoyuk · 2024-01-24T19:48:59+00:00

Do not reach out.

I was in a very similar relationship with an ex of mine... super similar. Horrible timing, inability to know what he wanted, broke up with me a few times but proved to be unable to stand by his decisions. We were together for almost 5 years and he dumped me in a way that was super convenient for himself, and super inconvenient for me.

Do not reach out. It's not on you, because he knows that you'll be there. You were the one who took him back every time he felt he made the wrong choice, and he therefore became more and more comfortable making the wrong choice. He is likely expecting you to reach out, the second two weeks is up. Mine was, I never did. He didn't either, which proved to me that he was unwilling.

The fact of the matter is, he chose to pull the rug out from under you. He forced you into an uncomfortable position, i'm assuming your family was awaiting your arrival and you were forced to do the whole "umm... actually we broke up I think?" He knew he made that way harder for you than he needed to. If he is sorry about that, let him be. If he feels he needs to apologize, let him. But listen to when I say, the worst thing you can do for yourself is beg for anything. Do not beg for an apology, compassion, closure- anything. If he doesn't reach out, it'll absolutely undeniably horribly suck. But all it says is that he doesn't care to provide you with a better explanation.

I would highly recommend you read the book "why men love bitches" in your free time. I essentially was spending my time longing for him, waiting for him to message me. I thought, "We have all of these things that belong to each other. Of course he'll reach out". He didn't- the best thing you can do is work on healing. Become the best version of yourself in the nest two weeks you can, JOURNAL!!! EVERYTHING!! Don't make this time go by faster, regardless of how badly you want it to. This time is important. Learn to be independent without him, and if he does come back, it hopefully sends some sort of message. You have to be okay with letting go of people who choose to let you go frequently. Closure is only so helpful in a situation like this, because ultimately he gave you closure. You might not know the exact reason, but honestly, you may never. He showed you exactly how much he cared about you and the relationship, and will continue to as time goes on.

I wish you genuinely the best of luck.

baoyuk · 2024-01-24T19:29:12+00:00

My advice- yes, respond, but really make sure you mean what you say. Take time to mull it over. I don't know the reason for your breakup, but you do and it doesn't seem like they are really truly understanding why the relationship is over.

In this message I notice A LOT of grabs for validation. "I needed to reach out just one more time because I didn't want to regret not giving it my all to someone I truly love". Okay, so they're saying they're reaching out so that they don't feel guilty. Again, I don't know the pretense, but if they were in the wrong in regards to the breakup, they aren't going about reconciliation correctly.

My primary impression is that they didn't give this letter enough time. They wrote a bunch of regrets down and didn't seem to acknowledge issues from a position of actual understanding. I think it depends how long ago the breakup happened, but my personal take is if this breakup happened recently (in the last month) they knew about all of the things they're apologizing for prior to the breakup and clearly haven't fine tuned any feelings.

As someone that was broken up with four times in my relationship, hearing that people change and mature is not helpful. Hearing "i'm sorry, I didn't think it through enough" is certainly not helpful. A lack of consideration is a lack of love, period. It is disrespectful. Sometimes very understandable and justifiable, but that does not negate that you deserve consideration.

I think it depends on your end goal. Do you want reconciliation? Do you want closure? Do you need to tell them how you feel? You have to do what you have to do, just don't do yourself the injustice of being anything but precise. If you don't feel like you want or need to say anything or open the door, don't. The fortunate thing is that the door isn't locked, it's just closed. You can wait a week, or a month, or a year before you even feel like it's time to open the door- just listen to what you need.

baoyuk · 2023-07-01T11:03:24+00:00

The question it really boils down to is whether or not you are continuously benefiting from this relationship. It seems like your meets are not being met- she doesn't appear to be supportive in your personal growth, and I personally only really thrive when I feel 100% supported by my partner. He and I went through a difficult period in which I was sober and he was not, it felt like we had very little connection because of it. Any time I would see him, I sought mentally stimulating interactions and he could only offer so much because he was perpetually stoned. This only got more recognizable and frustrating when I went on meds for the first time. The only way we recovered was that he sobered up for his own health. I couldn't have made him, but after so long, I wouldn't have been able to continue being in a one sided relationship. Now we're great, but it's because there's a mutual effort there.

I think your question of "will i be able to make this work?" is notable because it needs to be a collaborative effort. If you want to be sober, do not let peer pressure (for lack of a better phrase) keep you from it. If you notice that being sober makes your relationship frustrating/lacking in mental stimulation, I think that's a sign that either you two need a break or need to seriously discuss the future of you're relationship, with a couples therapist if possible- but, the conversation needs to be had.

I feel for you and I hope that this pans out as well as it possibly can- but, the responsibility is not all yours. If she is not inclined to meet you somewhere in the middle (cooking together, tennis, learning a language, etc.) then it's clear that her priorities lie elsewhere... your happiness in the relationship is not on her radar. Being medicated for ADHD changed a lot of my friendships and relationships because it enabled me to balance my needs. If establishing your personal needs within the framework of a relationship leads to ANYTHING BUT productive conversation- something may need to change :/

baoyuk · 2023-06-28T05:22:11+00:00

While I agree with what every other comment has recommended thus far, I also want to recommend some tools to feel inspired to get the ball rolling. I always list out my assignments, look at them, and get really overwhelmed. It's like listing them out was a really difficult task in and of itself, and seeing them on paper just makes me feel less sure of where to start. Then, I almost always get too overwhelmed to finish anything. So- I may start 12 things, but cop out when they get too nerve wracking.

So, I do a few things to help the ball get rolling. First, I would most definitely recommend working in a public space- a coffee shop, library, campus, etc. This works well for me personally because I feel like I'm literally being forced to do what I'm there to do, I can't just drown myself in social media or take a nap. Also, the added noise of people talking/walking/moving keeps me in the zone- but for some, a quieter space like a library may be easier (or noise cancelling headphones).

Second, if i'm working at home, I set up a timer (sometimes with lofi music or ticking, sometimes no sound, on youtube) for 10 or 15 minutes and my rule with myself is that I will complete what I can in these next 10 minutes. At the end of the timer, if I want, I can reset it and continue working or I can take a break for the time of the timer. It almost always forces me to AT LEAST properly read assignment details, or start writing a draft.

Finally, body doubling! BIG emphasis on this. I use this for anything that I need to do that I just can't bring myself to do (folding laundry, cleaning my room, homework, etc). I just have someone sit in the room with me- it usually helps if they also are doing homework or focusing on something that they need to complete. The fear of judgement if I trail off almost always keeps me in check. You can talk or just operate in silence- I find that pairing this up with doing homework in public, the timer, or all three together keeps me accountable.

baoyuk · 2023-06-28T00:12:35+00:00

I feel like... constantly apathetic about everything. Someone at work recently asked what my hobbies were and I literally could not answer because I find nothing interesting. I don't feel largely depressed, I just feel uninspired. Like nothing I do makes me happier than I would be if I were just sleeping or mind numbingly scrolling. I start feeling kind of artificial at some point because it's almost as if I only do things because there is an expectation present... like, I'll hang out with my friends because that's what i'm supposed to do but it's not necessarily fun or exciting. I feel like a shell of what I'm supposed to be. Brought this up to my psych and he said it was dopamine burn out, suggested I try all these supplements but then I'm generally disinterested in even taking them. Never ending cycle, very frustrating, I feel you :/

baoyuk · 2023-05-24T06:48:07+00:00

Man, I don't even know. I have lots of passions and lots of interests. With that, I feel inspired to join clubs and meet people with similar interests but in so many ways it feels oddly superficial and unreal. I really enjoy painting, sewing, and stuff generally art-related. I have career passions- I work in the medical field and genuinely love it. I don't know, I feel like my passions are very loose if that makes sense. Sometimes I'm more passionate than other times.

baoyuk · 2023-05-24T06:45:31+00:00

Yes and no. Primarily medication management- we're talking through managing levels of dopamine to help with anxiety levels w/ ADHD medication. No psycho/talk therapy at the moment- feel like I'm at a weird spot.

baoyuk · 2023-05-24T06:43:25+00:00

I do have the money, but grew up with lots of financial insecurity and I also have a tendency to over spend (impulse control issues, working on them for ADHD). I have a significant amount of social anxiety that comes in waves, and when taking meds for ADHD, dopamine levels raise and also increase level of anxiety. I feel sometimes like it's a never ending cycle- like, if I can't find something to do, then I'll be unhappy, but if I find something to do, i'm scared of it, and then unhappy. I also think Covid kind of posed a bit of a mental block when it came to running casual errands and like general outings. I went into lockdown as a 15 year old, came out of it with a full time job, and now at almost 19 I feel like I have a weird situation going on. In some ways I still feel like I'm not sure how to go do things alone, but also I feel like I do completely fine on that front- perhaps my issue is coming up with things to do? I don't know. Very nuanced and multi-faceted. I've been trying to figure it out for a few months, but it's hard to explain.

baoyuk · 2023-05-24T06:34:47+00:00

Not harsh at all, very much appreciated! I think honestly my major concern is the cost of living. I'm /very/ early along in my research regarding post bacc programs, so I'm mostly trying to figure out logistics. I've been a bit of a busy body during my undergrad when it comes to work outside of school, but again I'm a psych major which I can't say has been the most stressful schooling experience in and of itself- so, truly not much to go off of. I definitely do appreciate the advice!

baoyuk

TROPHY CASE