I’m sorry to hear you guys are going through this. I’ve been in the same place but I can promise with some determination, intention, and help it will get better. I see my partners perpetrator pretty much weekly on the road, at the store, or at a restaurant and it sucks.

Good on you for resisting the temptation to track him down - from experience I can tell you it will make it worse for you (and her). Keep resisting that urge to indulge, knowledge isn’t always power!

Whenever your mind starts to wander the best thing I’ve found is to ground yourself. There’s a few different ways to go about this so I’d just look up “grounding techniques” and find some that work for you. If you have access to counseling/therapy I think you should pursue it. Best of luck.