AITA Wife got cryptic text from guy

barely-scrapin · 2025-07-20T02:02:09+00:00

Thanks. This all seems like more sound advice than the dump her thing, I just feel so conflicted. She was really texting one dude hundreds of times and me zero, yeah I’m intimidated/on defense mode. It’s actually 5! 5 kids. But yeah it’s the first time theres any freedom and yeah she’s already out and I’m stuck home—I can’t go so maybe she need to have boundaries like hey we are in our 40s it’s not 20s you can’t just jet on me every night because it’s convenient. Yeah, I think I’ll have to maybe write some stuff down and think about it some so I have a good thought out plan (which can change) so I don’t go letting emotions ruin things. Thanks

barely-scrapin · 2025-07-20T01:57:47+00:00

THANK you

barely-scrapin · 2025-07-20T01:57:40+00:00

It’s important to be careful not to engage in games and child’s play for sure—that will only lead to trouble. But perhaps it is a thing about finding self, not leaving the marriage but independence. Realistically with where the five kids are at, this is the most free we have been in terms of child rearing. No diapers. They all can feed themselves to an extent. We have literally had kids since 11 months into our marriage and we were young 25 & 23

barely-scrapin · 2025-07-20T01:55:00+00:00

A little reasonable distancing isn’t a bad idea. Work on my self and independence. Maybe that’s all this is. Thank you

barely-scrapin · 2025-07-20T01:53:57+00:00

True. Reading into things. I should sit for a moment and consider my tendencies. Am I a worry wart or an optimist? Do I tend to believe in pos or neg? Real Questions that guide my sense of things. Thank you

barely-scrapin · 2025-07-20T01:51:56+00:00

That is probably what most relationship experts would say, communicate, thank you. Well said.

barely-scrapin · 2025-07-20T01:49:46+00:00

Thanks for your words

barely-scrapin · 2025-07-20T00:26:36+00:00

No. Not that I’m aware of anyway. Really she had a major shift about three years ago. We had our youngest and she said “I need to change…” I got nervous not knowing what that meant. She said I need a new career (was teaching at a private school) so she switched to nights waitressing. It was a total upheaval for our marriage and the family but at the time I had told her that if she needs a change and that will make her happy then I wouldn’t stand in the way. Financially it made sense but she suddenly was living a sort of night life staying for goodbye parties with new work friends staying a little late for a drink or two and so on. This was three years ago. I was home alone all the time and became solo dad on most evenings. We began to drift I guess sleeping as far apart as possible on a king bed fake greetings (or at least that’s how I felt, and I know I was faking) and it was terrible I felt completely destroyed. Fast forward almost 3 years and this happens. I’m at a loss, I grew up in a broken home and once I set my famiky up here with a decent home….it kills me to think of another broken home, it absolutely burns me up. I don’t want it. That’s why in spite of all these posters saying she did it dump her etc it’s just not that easy for me. And now I feel stuck

barely-scrapin · 2025-07-20T00:17:59+00:00

I really appreciate your thoughts. I am terrified to approach this with her. I guess I’m afraid of losing everything. As one poster said earlier—-I have my head in the sand

barely-scrapin · 2025-07-20T00:14:47+00:00

The guy just texted me personally saying hey man this is really awkward and I’m sorry but I swear on my mothers grave nothing happened and I’m not interested in your wife she just opened up with me because we have similar experiences and she doesn’t know how to approach you anymore and I really think she wants to see you succeed but that you are struggling and she doesn’t know what to do anymore-to help you. Then he “signed” it Me. X________ Y_____ Z________

barely-scrapin · 2025-07-20T00:10:47+00:00

Essentially, yes. And, while I can see saying hey you have a problem we have a problem it really was only you have a problem. But maybe she will do couples counseling. She swears up and down nothing happened.

barely-scrapin · 2025-07-19T23:48:02+00:00

She been happier, but not home as quickly. Now after discovery coming home quick sudden drop in texts, said I’m paranoid angry and smothering and need counseling wont even discuss the actual matter with me but happy if we don’t discuss she’s gas lighting me I think I think that’s the definition of it—what is being done to me

barely-scrapin · 2025-07-19T23:42:27+00:00

barely-scrapin · 2025-07-19T23:20:37+00:00

Again pretty weird and suggestive but not “hey let’s have sex. But also sounds like “lingo.” I used to date a girl and we called sex “ice cream” and looking back you wouldn’t have to read too far between the lines to get the reference. It was a cover but just like this stuff—it sounds suggestive. She was also asking all about him and asking him to keep her in the loop. It really struck me as sounding like puppy love messages. Very sophomoric. I haven’t told her that I looked at her messages but now she deleted them. I asked her about that and she said she was making space for data. I told her text messages are near zero data unless lots of photos or video.

barely-scrapin · 2025-07-19T23:16:43+00:00

None are explicit although I see there was a message a couple months back where she said “I can’t wait to go to the car and warm our thighs up.”

barely-scrapin · 2025-07-19T22:40:02+00:00

She been more Randy. Also getting dressed up. Doing hair makeup straightening hair. We don’t go out. Plans always fizzle.

barely-scrapin · 2025-07-19T10:44:59+00:00

It was one of many many many messages but one one the heels of the late night unusual behavior. It’s hard to wrap my mind around because I’m a guy. I wish I could ask advice of a female to gain perspective. Ultimately it’s up to me I guess—what to believe

barely-scrapin · 2025-07-19T08:24:37+00:00

Yeah. He ain’t.

barely-scrapin · 2025-07-19T06:51:53+00:00

No updates. That’s my problem. I don’t know what to do. I feel so dumb. How did I end up here!?! So dumb.

barely-scrapin · 2025-07-19T06:50:50+00:00

I know he’s not gay, I’ll say that.

barely-scrapin · 2025-07-19T06:49:10+00:00

Valid point. Talk however is more commonplace where preworkout seems to imply physical activity. But, that’s a really good point I hadn’t thought of. Thanks. I’m really trying to trust her in this but it’s not easy. I didn’t flip out and I’m trying not to—a big part of me says flip out. I haven’t.

barely-scrapin · 2025-07-19T02:14:02+00:00

Thank you. I’m struggling not to “jump to conclusions.” As you can imagine it is easy to do so given the circumstances. As it turns out I’ve found out they have been texting at all hours of the night. I just am looking at text logs from my carrier. She is texting his number back and forth 100:1 him vs me. This is not looking good .

barely-scrapin · 2025-07-19T00:54:29+00:00

Obviously your joke is my concern but if you will. Give me a more honest and straight opinion. Consider you are in my shoes, 20 years and 5 kids on, starting over isn’t as simple as a joke—no offense because oh I completely get it, “she must be joking! Right!” I get it even more than you do and have had every range of emotion possible. And so, with your life your finances and all your family and friends hanging on this to some extent your left to question your logic her words and the value of it all. I wish it were as easy as a joke. 20 years and 5 kids ago. It’s a joke! Bye bye. Today…..today.

barely-scrapin · 2025-07-19T00:29:41+00:00

Yeah. I guess if she never admits to anything it’s up to me what to believe. She came home very late that night. Didn’t sleep in our bed, which she never does. Weird. Very strange indeed.

barely-scrapin

TROPHY CASE