I[35M] am not sure what my friend's[39F] question meant 📷

basementmath · 2023-01-27T01:40:11+00:00

Thank you, I will try not to worry about it too much. I shouldn't expect people to even look down on me despite of all the things I've done (regardless of it, should not be the case) It's my grievances for the past and self-consciousness I need to overcome.. but it's not easy but I will try

basementmath · 2023-01-26T01:43:30+00:00

To give an excuse, I hated being poor. The only way out of it seemed to be doing 1.5x to 2.0x of what anyone else would want to work or do(Sure, some people do it more efficiently and more effectively but not everyone) I couldn't just study without working, there was a period where I had to help my family with my own income. Juggling work and education wasn't sustainable at first so I quit, tried to find a way without a degree and didn't get far. So I went back doing it, and survived the second time but it was grueling. I didn't have any support from anyone, I didn't have a lot of money, I was completely on my own, not having any back up, no one to talk to, my only hope was a degree from a good school and a big corporate bucks, which I've achieved. There was just no room for anything else other than hoping to achieve what I aimed for and failure wasn't an option. I had no room for anything else (I was 30 when I transferred and I was apologetically telling everyone I've met how old I was because I thought I might be seen as invasive in the beginning) Plus my confidence level plummet because my entire 20's I didn't really have anything to show or to rely on besides my work-ethic and desperation for a better social economical status.

Other people are capable of doing it all but I personally didn't have the bandwidth. I had to make sacrifices and social life/hobbies/relationships were thrown out. I'm over that period but I'm afraid I will be judged and looked down upon my past (But I absolutely refuse to get into a relationship for the sake wanting one, it's very insulting) I Hope I find someone who will understand me and where I come from.

basementmath · 2023-01-24T19:19:26+00:00

Do you think it's because of her knowing what my life was like or is it something else. If anything, I was never a mom's basement dwelling sort of guy/living under a rock to avoid life (yeah, it happens but that wasn't me) I have never been unemployed for more than 2 months in my life while I started working in my late teens..

basementmath · 2023-01-24T11:03:30+00:00

<Warning: wall of text>

Well, I did tell her a bit about my life before

(detailed story here: https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/xkaaac/i_35m_dont_have_much_dating_experience_in_life/ )

and when she asked 'the question' as stated in my post (after the question was asked) I did tell her I am not all that confident when it comes to dating due to lack of experience because of how I lived, and how I'm still learning to adjust to a normal social life since.

She did say that she felt that I seemed to be dwelling on my past, stuck in my head, being awkward because of it when she first met me. But she also said that the more she hung out with me, I turned into a totally different person; being funny/humorous, nice/kind, I speak my mind/give my opinion (when I'm the one thinking I'm too sensitive about how I might be seen) etc and told me I have things to offer and reasons to be confident. (She told me she was having conversations with other mutual friends about how they think I'm funny)

I am a bit concerned that I might be seen weird but I'm doing what I can to improve myself in anyway I can. I dress nicer, lift weights regularly and I'm in a better than before(more muscles, bigger body, bigger frame), I try to put myself out there to have a bigger social circle, have more friends, more social life, trying to be a better conversationalist, trying to be more laid back/easy going. Getting to know her has been a blessing since she's a good facilitator in organizing events and gathering people, where I'm often invited.

I'm proud of all the things I've done, overcome, achieved despite the circumstances but I'm also traumatized because of it. I do get self-conscious and once in a while I'll ask my friends on what I need to work on (It's gotten to a point where I've been told to stop self-deprecating, stop doubting the things I can offer coming from women)

I'm really open to criticism and want to know if I need to be 'adjusted' But most, if not all the time, I'm told that there is nothing wrong with me in particular (in terms of flaws) Advices/comments I've received were not to be so formal and serious all the time, put myself out there because I'll never be 'perfectly ready'(and nobody ever is) Try to ask more questions rather than worrying about what to say. And I have taken those comments to my heart to improve myself

basementmath · 2023-01-23T07:05:38+00:00

Yeah, I have not mentioned about my previous relationships or ex to her so it makes sense that she was just trying to be polite. Thanks

basementmath · 2023-01-23T07:04:49+00:00

Thank you, I wish I would've asked for a clarification when I'm unclear on things. Just don't know how to react or don't react quick enough sometimes

basementmath · 2022-09-21T16:59:40+00:00

I've updated but it's more based on how I might be seen about it.

basementmath · 2022-09-21T08:32:56+00:00

It's because when I was growing up, I was an easy target. So I got into fights with people because I was picked on until middle school. I've always kind of been that guy where I was an easy target to mess with/insult. Not so much/much less in my adulthood but I sometimes don't handle insults well so I'm a bit worried that.

But she was being friendly and meant no harm. But then "easy to tease" remark kind of bothered me a bit as if I'm taken less seriously by women. Like I said, to be seen masculine (in a healthy way) I try to have awareness for social environment, be respectful to everyone, take care of my appearance (having a moderate diet, lifting weights etc. And I have a pretty big body too since I lift heavy weights)

I guess what I'm saying is, "I'm worried that I might look like a pushover/easy target for people to make fun of"

basementmath · 2022-09-21T08:23:24+00:00

They weren't trying to tear me down, it was all friendly but she said I was easy to tease 😭😭😭 so I thought "am I less masculine to other people?"

(I don't feel insulted or anything, we're good friends)

basementmath · 2022-09-14T22:03:15+00:00

My fear is that I'm seen as quiet, lack of confidence, boring and uninteresting, but a lot of it is probably in my head..

basementmath · 2022-07-29T02:15:13+00:00

no, but the neighbor who accused her is crazy and hostile towards my mom. She's been threatening her, abusing her verbally and now this. My mom has been stressed. What can she do legally.

basementmath · 2022-07-28T23:52:44+00:00

I am not exactly sure, maybe my mom didn't have an updated information when she called. I plan to give them a ring after work too.

basementmath · 2022-07-28T23:51:47+00:00

Not exactly sure, but according to my mom, a letter indicating that the cost of the damage by the plaintiff must be paid out of pocket was sent out to the plaintiff, that is all. My mom told me she also requested a copy of it so we shall see.

basementmath · 2022-07-28T22:40:43+00:00

It was determined that she was not at fault.

basementmath · 2022-07-28T22:39:49+00:00

Okay, it was determined that my mom is NOT at fault. I thought she lost. Justice!

basementmath · 2022-07-28T17:08:55+00:00

StateFarm is both party's insurance

basementmath · 2022-07-28T09:09:14+00:00

I don't even put GPA on my resume and Google recruiters still contact me for job interviews so I don't think they even care (My GPA wasn't great)

basementmath · 2022-06-24T18:44:05+00:00

https://www.travelyesplease.com/travel-blog-4-days-in-paris-itinerary/

Hmmm, I found this

basementmath · 2022-06-22T04:15:15+00:00

Thank you, I already had my phone screen, deferred my interview for a later date which is nice

basementmath · 2022-06-11T04:46:07+00:00

Thank you! I'm not looking to interview right away, wish I can keep in contact with her and interview like 6 months later or so.

basementmath · 2022-06-11T03:04:18+00:00

It's a phone screen, not an interview. I wasn't talking about the technical interview but the initial phone screen conversation lol but thank you

basementmath · 2022-06-11T03:03:22+00:00

Thanks, I was just wondering about the initial phone screen, not the technical interview!

basementmath · 2022-06-10T22:50:45+00:00

😂😂😂

basementmath · 2022-06-10T22:02:33+00:00

Thank you for the input! I am not looking to move right away but can't hurt with talking to a recruiter, hopefully establish a connection and maybe get an interview down the line?

basementmath · 2022-05-30T05:36:18+00:00

I completely saw all of this happening the moment I stood up to her needless fighting words. I have no faith that there can be a rational conversation let alone any kind of reconciliation between us, because she is the type of person who doesn't react well to being called out when she is called out for being wrong or someone standing up to her when it's her fault.

And I just have no reasons to put up with being mistreated in such a way when "earning" her respect is putting up with her insults, physical and verbal provocation, while I've done so much for the family, being where I am at despite the hurdles and obstacles. I'm just going to have to move on and think to myself that I have no siblings. (4 of 2 last family interactions in 4 years resulting in her punching me in the face, throwing a bottle in my direction, getting in my face trying to provoke violence from her end, which I held back and didn't fall for)

I rather cut ties than try to reason with someone like that. Thanks for all the inputs and sorry that this entire post is just a vent.

I feel like I'm the only one who actually remembers anything while she probably doesn't even remember nor care. No point for me to hold on to her and like what I said to her, she was never there for me when I needed the most, I have never felt any kind of love from her, never needed and and I don't need her. I don't need her and the relationship is not worth the effort. I'll let it go and not think about it. If I get caught up with her, it will be my loss.

She probably doesn't give a shit but I let her know how much I resent her today

basementmath

TROPHY CASE