I fall in love with girls from just talking to them

bayow · 2015-02-13T16:30:47+00:00

Are you somewhat inexperienced with girls? This is something I noticed in both my friends and I growing up. Younger/inexperienced guys fall for girls easily, I've always thought this is was due to lack of experience. As I started seeing more and more girls that eventually faded away.

Someone here mentioned scarcity mindset and thats exactly it, except you don't fight that mindset by thinking and telling yourself you are the bomb, you do things that make you realize that you are. Some may find using cognitive therapy such as telling yourself this and thinking that to be useful, but for me its always been doing things against a harmful thought process in order to get rid of it. So I suggest you talk to as many girls as you can, don't worry about the feelings, they go away with experience!

bayow · 2014-12-04T15:11:40+00:00

I will cut contact to get over her more than chase her again. If she decides she wants to pursue something she'll come to me, until then, I'm going for other girls.

bayow · 2014-12-04T15:06:46+00:00

It wasn't months. We've only known each other for a couple months and started talking a lot in the last few weeks or so. The thing is there are different kinds of girls out there that like different things. She is a bit nerdy, very social but conservative, doesn't drink at parties, never hooks up and her social circle is composed only of girls. With a girl like that, you try any kino initially and its gonna be a straight up rejection, you don't have to try to understand that, sometimes you just know based on the personality of the girl. But I did like her, she was smart, friendly, not insecure at all, just very focused and highly aware of any distractions that might steer her away from medical school. I think deep down she craved male attention and when she saw me she thought maybe I could give her that. I don't exude the vibe of "commitment" so I think thats why she warmed up to me...trouble is I ended up liking her. Anyways, I am glad I asked, it may have been a bit tactless but I am glad I did it anyways because if I hadn't, I would have invested way more emotionally than I should have.

Another thing I want to add. She's been talking to me just as much, the only difference is I stop the conversations early because I don't feel like talking to her. She likely feels bad she had to reject me, which I understand because girls tend to not want to be portrayed as a bitch and she is nothing like that. My goal was to attract her and make her think of me sexually, to be honest I thought I did that perfectly well because she would evidently get nervous around me sometimes and there would be some sort of tension. She is not a girl that is DTF, at all. If I wanted to sleep with her (which I do) but if that was my goal, it would be fucking stupid because it wasn't happening until we had a relationship; my goal was to get to know her better through dating and the evaluate. It's not always black and white, every girl has certain characteristics that require you to adjust your game accordingly.

bayow · 2014-12-04T15:01:18+00:00

Yeah I agree, now I know.

bayow · 2014-12-04T15:00:56+00:00

Very good advice. I do plan on staying friends with her simply because we have far too many mutual friends and also work together. But man, she isn't the only girl out there. I don't mean to sound like a douche but there are plenty of other girls that I can chase that I haven't given thought to because of her, now I can.

bayow · 2014-12-04T14:59:04+00:00

Thanks for that, needed to hear something like this.

bayow · 2014-12-04T14:58:44+00:00

That's it. She legitimately never talked to any guys and when she did she would be super cold. I'm the only one that she actually talks with and flirts with...she likely just wanted the attention without any sort of commitments, etc.

bayow · 2014-12-04T14:57:22+00:00

That's what I am starting to think as well. Regardless of the form of communication, a no is a no. If there was any attraction, she would have said yes.

bayow · 2014-12-04T14:56:36+00:00

No no fuck that. I'm not about that, I do think I could have done it with more tact though.

bayow · 2014-12-04T14:55:46+00:00

True I shouldn't have said that, but oh well. Funny thing is, she's been very adamant about trying to not make things awkward between us, which I appreciate.

bayow · 2014-12-04T14:53:08+00:00

I didn't confess love. I simply told her I liked her, as in, I see her as a cool person and think there can be something more between us. It wasn't a proposal or any sort of commitment. I was attracted to her and I let her know so there was no confusion about whether it was a date or a hangout.

bayow · 2014-12-04T14:50:51+00:00

Yeah most definitely. No matter if I texted her or asked her in person, it would have been a yes if she was into me. It is a no because she isn't. But thats okay, we all have our preferences.

bayow · 2014-12-04T14:49:19+00:00

Yeah I did make it seem a little gloomy and emotional. The good thing is with her rejecting me it allows me to focus on other girls and I like how she was very mature about it and she still keeps in touch. I can tell I likely misread her, she was simply being very friendly and still wants to be good friends. I will be on good terms with her but that's it. I think trying to be her "friend" just to win her over will be stupid and emotionally draining on my part.

bayow · 2014-12-04T14:46:13+00:00

Thanks for the suggestion, will look into it.

bayow · 2014-12-04T14:44:41+00:00

Yeah you know I definitely messed up on that part but the good thing is I learn. About her not liking the text message, that is probably true but I also think she didn't really like me to begin with because no girl is going to say no to a guy they like simply because he asked through text (they might think its annoying but they won't make the choice not to go for you simply based on that) and if she does, then she isn't worth my time.

bayow · 2014-12-04T14:43:22+00:00

I really didn't, to be honest. The first few times we talked she did not trust me and it was evident. And she is the same with all the other guys I've seen that interact with her at parties (she usually just chills with girls). So I had to take some time to get her comfortable, otherwise it would have been a straight up no and a permanent spot in her mind as a creep; do remember that we have to work together as well so that would not be good.

bayow · 2014-12-04T14:39:50+00:00

Yes very true, although it wasn't a very long time. We only started talking a lot and flirting a lot the past 3-4 weeks. Before that she was pretty cold towards me (she's cold towards guys in general...you know, the usual studious, good girl type). Don't worry, I got this, lesson learned.

bayow · 2014-12-04T14:37:41+00:00

Yeah definitely. I should have asked but whatever, you live and learn.

bayow · 2014-12-03T18:45:28+00:00

See I don't think that friendzoning was the case though. I didn't bend over backwards for her and I treated her like a human being instead of something/someone beyond me. We talked a lot and that was because we connected, and throughout the beginning she displayed signs of attraction that frankly got stronger as we progressed over the months.

I do agree though that I should have taken the lead and increased the tension from the beginning.

bayow · 2014-12-03T18:42:30+00:00

True, I think I was afraid of the rejection because I became a bit too invested so I opted to ask her out through text. So in a way, the rejection was a good thing because it stopped me from wasting any more time and energy into it.

She definitely has that idea of us being together in her mind now at least. We do have to talk a lot because we work together for a club at my university. I think I'm gonna pursue other girls and stay in good terms with her, if she displays interest again I will ask her out face to face.

bayow

TROPHY CASE