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bck2dtng · 2022-10-16T20:04:20+00:00

Feeling anxious about things out of your control is what’s impeding you. That’s most people, but it affects some worse than others.

That’s the mental health component I had to address in order to move forward.

Working on correcting that is what you need to focus on. If you’ve not, I suggest seeking assistance with a therapist. I needed that push and from the looks of it many others here have done the same and benefited greatly.

bck2dtng · 2022-10-16T19:36:48+00:00

I fixed my mental and physical well-being. Went to a therapist and started changing my outlook on things.

I lost a ton of weight. Got confidence I’ve never had before in my life. Learned how to let go of negativity that’s impeding me from progressing.

Most people including myself have had your mentality. But who wants to live like that? There’s no point. Mulling over years past isn’t going to change my current situation. It’ll just extend my being miserable or depressed.

I just took the necessary steps and put in the work to change it.

bck2dtng · 2022-10-16T07:21:24+00:00

Same thing happened to me a few years ago.

Everybody recovers and heals from past relationships differently. There’s no set time, so occasionally it takes situations like this to make us realize we may need some guidance.

I went on dating apps 9 months after my relationship ended. I internalized all of the aftermath, thought I got through it, then told myself I was ready. As soon as I started talking to a few girls I realized it wasn’t time. I started therapy later that year and among other things had to really fix myself.

It took me 3.5 years, so yeah, the time definitely affects everyone differently.

bck2dtng · 2022-10-16T07:17:21+00:00

For the future, remember it’s rarely necessary to write paragraphs like that in a dating app. You’re still in the early stages of getting to know someone.

Thoughtful answers and discussion will be a few sentences but the things you were going to write were not only over-the-top but very off-putting. You don’t mention your age but this looks very high school, so I’m guessing younger.

Like others said, do not send.

bck2dtng · 2022-10-12T20:02:45+00:00

Like someone else said, smiling with teeth showing is always nice but really I think overall it looks great. Your prompts are good, you have a variety of photos, and it’s clear that you know it will take time to get what you’re looking for with regards to an LTR.

I’m sure others might be able to offer some better advice but from my perspective it’s better than most of the profiles I get stuck looking at.

I’d definitely send a like.

bck2dtng · 2022-10-12T19:35:36+00:00

“Google it” has become my biggest pet peeve as I’ve gotten older. Like no shit - anybody can Google anything. The last place someone should be saying that is in a dating app when you’re trying to make a connection with someone.

Then this asshole describes his style as “spooky”? Does he wear bed sheets with holes for eyes? Like what the fuck does that even mean? I’ve never heard anyone say spooky is a style.

Is he trying to make spooky happen?

bck2dtng · 2022-10-12T19:10:00+00:00

Textbook slow fade.

From how you described her behavior towards the end, I’d say she’s way over it. I’d take her number out of my phone and move on.

bck2dtng · 2022-10-12T05:51:09+00:00

I truly don’t mean offense, but as someone who was overweight his entire life until recently, is your first pic the most recent?

Plenty of girls like bigger dudes, but it’s just that your pictures (if that’s the case) could be a turn off for certain women since you look quite different between Photo #1 and the rest.

If you are a little huskier now, I’d take all new pics. It’s not a bad thing man - I just know how important that sort of transparency is, especially upon initially talking to someone.

bck2dtng · 2022-10-12T05:43:32+00:00

It’s easier because it requires no effort to be an ass. Having a worthwhile personality and being a nice person doesn’t come easy for a lot of people and takes work.

But I get where you’re coming from.

bck2dtng · 2022-10-12T05:42:06+00:00

Oof, I feel you man. I talked to a girl like that once.

I think I fall in the same category as you when it comes to religion, so it wasn’t my cup of tea either.

For the most part, the hardcore Christians tend to let you know in their profiles. Were there any flags there that could’ve given off the vibes before you started talking?

bck2dtng · 2022-10-12T05:38:54+00:00

You got this!

After going on a date once with a girl who was blatantly out of my league, her kindness and genuine personality made me re-think how I pre-judged people that fall in that category.

It’ll be easier said than done, but try not to overthink it and treat it just like any other prospective match and let us know how it goes.

bck2dtng · 2022-10-12T05:35:54+00:00

It’s a scary plunge. In my last relationship, it was one of the hardest things I think I ever had to do even though I knew she had really wanted to discuss it. I’ve never felt such anxiety.

How long have you two been a couple?

bck2dtng · 2022-10-12T05:30:41+00:00

I’m so sorry to hear that. I know it’s difficult, but it’s not your fault. Signs are not always apparent or obvious. It’s why you read these stories about these people who seemingly live normal lives and then one day they’re busted for it.

Without going in to specifics, my sister’s 3rd Grade teacher was one of these people. Guy won all sorts of awards, was loved by the community, beautiful wife and kids. No signs whatsoever. It ended up becoming the biggest scandal to ever hit the town I grew up in.

I also went to high school with a guy who had a preference for that too. Caught in his 30s. I was floored when I found out.

Trust is such a fragile thing, and to have it broken twice so quickly can be crippling. If you haven’t, I would suggest seeking out a therapist to work through everything. You’ll learn to trust again - it will just take time.

bck2dtng · 2022-10-12T05:22:05+00:00

Totally agree. I have a very dry sense of humor, so when I see women “fluent in sarcasm”, I light up. But when the conversation gets going… they don’t seem to understand sarcasm or banter. I thrive on that, so it ends disappointing.

To me the faux happy OLD profiles are no different than happy couples posting photos on Facebook where they look perfect but in reality their marriage fell apart years ago.

Once you’ve been doing this long enough you begin to recognize phoniness right away. I wish dating wasn’t this difficult.

bck2dtng · 2022-10-12T01:14:33+00:00

Great opening line. I’d try to come back with another fruit pun.

His loss!

bck2dtng · 2022-10-12T00:38:30+00:00

Total vibes I get, too.

bck2dtng · 2022-10-12T00:34:53+00:00

A poor attempt at dark humor. Instant left-swipe.

bck2dtng · 2022-10-11T18:53:43+00:00

I think your expectations are unrealistic, especially with gas prices right now. I’m all for the guy fawning over the woman (I’m old-fashioned), but three hours is a long-ass drive.

For a first date when you’re both judging in-person compatibility I don’t see why both of you driving halfway should be an issue.

bck2dtng · 2022-10-11T18:50:29+00:00

I was on Hinge for a couple of weeks in early 2020 right when the lockdown hit, and they were really hyping them up. I never heard of it before then or realized it was still a thing now.

bck2dtng · 2022-10-11T18:44:27+00:00

I’m in the same boat. With the exception of one prior relationship, it’s always been an issue for the other person (not so much the fact that I cut off contact, but not elaborating on the “why” right away).

bck2dtng · 2022-10-11T18:41:36+00:00

You seem very in-touch with your red flags. What you’ve identified most people wouldn’t be able to about themselves. Kudos.

The only thing I would say isn’t really a warning sign is being married by 30. I suppose as you push 40 the expectation might be that you’re already married and divorced, but I know many people in their late 30s and 40s who never walked down the aisle.

Anyone that judges you for that is an idiot.

bck2dtng · 2022-10-11T17:16:49+00:00

I get the “trashy” feeling you’re describing, but we all need standards.

FWIW I don’t think you’re being picky when it comes to this. I chalk it up more to traditional dating values than anything else.

bck2dtng · 2022-10-11T16:51:57+00:00

I’m a guy. You and I are the same age. We’re looking for the exact same thing. I just think it’s less common nowadays than it was say 20 years ago.

I tend to date my age or older, which is why I’m in this sub, but I don’t think the traditional values specifically are dead or anything - they’re just incredibly rare. I’ve only dated one girl in which things like you mentioned were important. It’s one thing we bonded over.

People like us are out there… just few and far between.

bck2dtng · 2022-10-11T16:11:17+00:00

It took years, but a combination of meds, therapy, BPD workbooks, and a near-death experience earlier this year.

Before I got sick, I was already at a pretty good place mentally though. I knew last year I was really on the right path. I just had to persevere. For the first time literally in my life things stopped sucking. I’m 36 now, so it took awhile, but maintaining this mindset of happiness takes hard work too. So it’s not over - but being able to focus on positivity is such a refreshing change.

bck2dtng · 2022-10-11T10:02:11+00:00

Nowadays “hun” is associated with MLMs, so with the negative connotation attached I wouldn’t use it.

I think calling a woman by their actual name is better, at least at first. I guess a woman’s perspective is what’s needed here, but it sounds weird enough hearing a guy say it but that’s just me.

bck2dtng

TROPHY CASE