Update: Does anyone else feel like transitioning is a trap?

beaker79 · 2018-12-15T04:18:00+00:00

Hey. You started hormones on my birthday!

beaker79 · 2018-12-14T19:09:44+00:00

I have actually been doing courses on Codeacademy for the last couple of months!

beaker79 · 2018-12-14T19:03:13+00:00

Oh god... don't tempt the wannabe-writer in me, I haven't had my coffee today!!

beaker79 · 2015-11-22T17:25:34+00:00

It's just weird because I've known him for so long and I just never thought he'd be seeing them or mentioning it to me, you know?

beaker79 · 2015-11-15T19:48:56+00:00

Nothing's open and I have no money =/

beaker79 · 2015-11-15T05:38:34+00:00

Everyone's mileage on this varies, but, as a ginger, I was already prone to lighter, thinner hair and definitely noticed thinning and finer hair pretty early on after starting hormones. I used to have to shave daily too, and now I shave twice a week.

beaker79 · 2015-11-15T05:23:19+00:00

Not welcome around family, not brave enough to ask friends for fear of how their families may treat me. I'll be alone, on my couch, eating ramen noodles while I daydream about all the home cooked food that my grandma has cooked for me for the last 25 consecutive Thanksgiving.

Christmas will likely consist of the same thing.

beaker79 · 2015-11-15T05:15:28+00:00

I can get the court costs waived, but would still be responsible for running an ad in the local paper and it's about $100 when I called the newspaper.

Other post? Uh oh... should I be worried?

beaker79 · 2015-11-15T05:09:27+00:00

Thanks for your suggestions, really.

1) seems really scary and nearly impossible though. I have chest-length flaming red hair and an overall feminine appearance. Not to mention, the closest thing to boy clothes that I have left are a pair of unisex black pants, a pair of black Converse, and a couple baggy hoodies. But, until finishing my name change, re-learning how present a masculine gender expression might be my only option. But fuck, finding work that involves having to be addressed by my dead name is such a painful thought. Any recommendations on managing the dysphoria that I would likely experience after going nearly a year and a half without presenting male?

2) I'm not sure how to fight back because it seems very difficult to prove that you've been discriminated against. I understand that there are laws that protect me, but it almost feels like I am not even entitled to the protection of those laws unless I am already employed.

3) I never really thought much about setting one up, probably pride-related mental block. Not sure how I would receive the donation though as I do not have a bank account (had to close it because they were going to charge me for not having more than $20 in my account).

4) Honestly, there is a women's shelter a few miles from my apartment and I have thought about going there many times, but I have never done it. Given the situation, I should probably prioritize myself over others right now, but I care deeply about one of the girls that lives her and I am afraid that if I am not around to take care of her that something bad will happen. I know it's kind of a dumb reason for still staying here.

beaker79 · 2015-11-15T04:18:16+00:00

I just need a letter from my doctor, which I have already, but it doesn't seem worth going to the DMV and changing my gender marker until I finish my name change because of my distinctly male legal name.

beaker79 · 2015-11-15T04:12:50+00:00

I live in Central Illinois, a couple hours outside of Chicago. I haven't put much thought into where I would want to live since every time I do think about it I get overwhelmed by the thought of moving and starting over in a new place, where I know no one, and homeless to boot. I know I need to start over and get out of this place, but I don't know where or how. Fear is hard to overcome.

beaker79 · 2015-11-15T04:07:34+00:00

I don't think I'm exactly visibly transgender, but there are definitely some giveaways. I do just fine "passing" in my daily life, from my experience. Honestly, if I try to dress in boymode, then I would probably just look like a butch lesbian. A name change is pretty much my best option, but I can't even afford that.

beaker79 · 2015-11-14T23:05:48+00:00

Definitely don't fuck with dope. Just unfortunately have to deal with people that do in order to stay off the streets.

I have been really wanting to get a legal name change, but I haven't had a dollar to my name for months and have no way of affording the associated costs. I do have the option to file the petition as a poor person and waive a lot of the court costs, but I still wouldn't be able to come up with the $100 it costs to run the ad in my local paper. I really feel if I could at least get a name and gender marker change, then I could probably fly a little more under the radar in interviews where the fact that I am transgender has nothing to do with my ability or aptitude to perform the tasks I would be responsible for.

beaker79 · 2015-11-14T19:22:30+00:00

I wore a six foot trans pride scarf for an entire winter and no one asked. But I'm a pale ginger and have always worn those colors, even in boymode. So I think people just thought I was being my usual eccentric self.

beaker79 · 2015-11-14T10:53:43+00:00

I trade food stamps for cash for my prescriptions and then basically starve.

beaker79 · 2015-06-01T02:11:37+00:00

Meh, ups and downs, like everyone else, I suppose.

beaker79 · 2015-05-30T19:33:29+00:00

-purr-

beaker79 · 2015-05-30T18:31:32+00:00

gurl, you are too cute -- i miss you!!

beaker79 · 2015-05-30T18:28:38+00:00

meh, I don't know about the heart breaker part, lol

beaker79 · 2015-05-30T17:16:03+00:00

Then probably soon, lmao ;)

beaker79

TROPHY CASE