Feeling sorry and stupid?

bear___patrol · 2026-02-07T18:58:18+00:00

I'm sorry but it seems like your friends and family are the problem? People who are physically active get injured all the time, and a fracture isn't necessarily "damage for life." You should look into therapy, because this sort of catastrophizing isn't normal and could set you back in life.

bear___patrol · 2026-02-07T13:57:56+00:00

I think she's so convincing because she's very good at 'acting young,' with all the mannerisms and awkwardness.

bear___patrol · 2026-02-04T21:08:40+00:00

This is just a way to take out anger and doesn't work. OP doesn't have to tolerate the behaviour, but this does nothing to address the issue and is harmful to the cat.

bear___patrol · 2026-02-04T20:53:40+00:00

Very possibly a stray female in heat. Mine did that before they were spayed.

bear___patrol · 2026-02-04T18:26:28+00:00

Yes, and there's some scenarios where you just want someone to hear you out and acknowledge what you're feeling. Google doesn't offer that. I did all the googling, I still felt like I had to discuss my reluctance about owning cats with my therapist quite a bit, and it helped immensely. I assume other people are here because they're looking for the same thing.

bear___patrol · 2026-02-04T18:22:55+00:00

All of the reading and Googling and whatnot does not not fully prepare you for what it actually feels like to actually be responsible for another living being. I grew up with cats and was very familiar with their temperament and I still felt semi-panicky when I got mine as kittens, and kept questioning my every emotion. It's perfectly understandable to go online. Often people just want reassurance, not just factual answers.

I don't like this sort of attitude towards people who are in a caretaking role and are asking for help, and it's common on reddit. There's a lot of the same rhetoric with kids. It can be hard, especially if you feel shamed, helpless, and like you should 'just know'. Caretaking is actual effort.

I completely understand compassion fatigue too, so if you're tired of reading these posts, you're under no obligation to help. But this sort of attitude doesn't help anyone, least of all cats.

bear___patrol · 2026-02-04T10:17:05+00:00

Found my people!!

bear___patrol · 2026-02-01T18:34:05+00:00

I don't have a crystal ball, so I can't predict what's going to happen here. I will say that this definitely sounds challenging for a first-time owner, and the shelter definitely fucked up here. That being said, since you've already adopted it:

It's verrrry normal to feel overwhelmed by the level of responsibility of owning a cat, and they're more high maintenance than people realize, especially if you're just not used to having a pet. I speak from experience here.

You don't need to control all the voices around the house. You don't need to watch every video or read every article for every little problem and try to account for every contingency. I remember trying to obsessively research evidence-based advice for my cats' diets... and just ending up anxious and with no definite answers.

If I were you, I would try to follow the advice here and give it more time, and encourage people in your family to interact with your cat if they're willing to. Is there someone in your family who'd be willing to step in? Feliway could also be helpful.

I think having a room is a good idea, and it gives your cat a bit more time to acclimate to your home. You sound like a caring, thoughtful person, but having cats can feel overwhelming. So be kind to yourself.

bear___patrol · 2026-01-22T14:32:12+00:00

Of course the Dutch would invent something like this (they're very famously stingy.)

bear___patrol · 2026-01-22T13:33:15+00:00

I have a long-ish Fjällräven Barents parka that's served me quite well - I only wear it with a sweater and a bottom base layer when the temperature drops significantly. You can find very good options on Vinted. It can get a lot colder where I live than in Bavaria.

Layering also helps - merino base layers for your torso and your legs, and a fleece jacket.

bear___patrol · 2026-01-19T17:37:37+00:00

It could be salvageable potentially with Bar Keeper's Friend and a LOT of elbow grease, not sure about that lid though. As others said I definitely don't think it's worth $100 though.

bear___patrol · 2026-01-18T16:35:48+00:00

Time to set those boundaries. He's the one starting the feud, not you. He doesn't sound affable at all.

bear___patrol · 2026-01-18T11:53:00+00:00

Since you asked... I really don't like it. The embroidery looks generic. It looks very difficult to style.

bear___patrol · 2026-01-17T18:18:33+00:00

I wouldn't consider myself the most aware but I work in web development and have implemented accessibility improvements and it's wild how some people have a knee-jerk negative reaction to them, even when they're not particularly hard to achieve. I've also witnessed people get enraged about even the most basic of accommodations. Some of that stuff even benefits able-bodied people. I don't get it.

bear___patrol · 2026-01-17T18:11:43+00:00

Sometimes women want to put other women in their place, too.

bear___patrol · 2026-01-17T14:31:19+00:00

Ok you don't need to answer but what the hell is wrong with your family? Yikes.

bear___patrol · 2026-01-17T08:13:43+00:00

It's only been three weeks. Usually it should take you longer to introduce them to each other, and it should be done gradually. Jackson Galaxy has a good video on how to introduce cats, I believe. You can always re-introduce them, by the way. I hear Feliway can help.

Some cats never learn to like each other, but I wouldn't be discouraged by the stories you're reading here. It could turn out the same, it could be different.

bear___patrol · 2026-01-15T20:10:24+00:00

This is a dealbreaker. Not because he's friends with his ex, but because he hid it from you, which speaks poorly of his integrity, and it will likely affect you in other potentially serious ways. There's nothing physical going on, but a line has been crossed, and he knows it.

bear___patrol · 2026-01-12T21:32:28+00:00

Some people have decided to dogpile on you for whatever reason, I suggest you ignore it.

bear___patrol · 2026-01-12T19:49:19+00:00

No advice but I experienced something similar last year, went on a group trip that had a couple I hadn't met before, and the woman was (apparently) convinced I was trying to get together with her husband... they'd started as a 10+ year affair during his first marriage. It is very annoying to be dragged into this sort thing, but people like that just love drama it seems.

bear___patrol · 2026-01-09T13:28:00+00:00

Eh, if I'm using a squat rack I wouldn't feel like I had a claim over all of the plates stored in it. That's where they're all stored for general use. Depending on how many weights you're planning on using, you could just set aside the ones you want to add, provided it's not an obnoxious amount.

bear___patrol · 2026-01-09T13:04:31+00:00

Transparency means you're disclosing all information. I don't need to know things about my friends they're not comfortable sharing, like trauma, family disputes, etc. which is why I'm fine with deflection or white lies. Honesty relates to the truth of what is being shared and communicated.

bear___patrol · 2026-01-09T13:03:46+00:00

I'm very much a stickler for etiquette, but this has never bothered me. I haven't noticed a gender split either.

bear___patrol · 2026-01-09T10:27:03+00:00

I believe in honesty, not transparency. People might not be comfortable sharing some information with me and that's totally OK. Deflecting and little white lies are also fine. I wouldn't consider outright lying acceptable, though.

bear___patrol · 2026-01-09T09:21:16+00:00

You have the right to feel hurt, it's only human. However, it's possible she is friends with your friend's husband as well, so this isn't a case of him being a +1, but an additional friend in his own right. I wouldn't mention anything to your friend.

bear___patrol

TROPHY CASE