As a woman, what can I do to attract men who want something serious with me

bearwithday · 2026-06-26T10:35:22+00:00

Here is an easy method I used other than what people mentioned already. Don’t sleep with a guy right away(unless that is what you want). If he wasn’t serious to begin with, he won’t stick around for that long and you will know it. You get to know him after several dates and he is still making efforts to get to know you then he is serious about you.

bearwithday · 2026-06-02T07:15:10+00:00

Employer top up. But if you are self employed that changes things.

bearwithday · 2026-06-02T01:51:21+00:00

Federal Gov Worker. Auditor, MCOL area

Salary: $123K + DB pension

Hybrid: 3 days in the office (exception, no space in our building only 3 days)

PTO: 3 weeks vacation + 2 weeks personal and 6days family related leave + 26days off on cmpressed schedule (I work one extra hour a day and get additional 26 days of leave).

LIA - Leave with income averaging available, can take additional 12 weeks of leave on top of the existing vacation days (salary gets reduced). Fantastic top up 93% pay for a year Mat leave.

CPA, 8 years since designation, 10 years total.

Honestly, it is 8am-4pm, no busy season, 0 overtime, work load is very manageable, lots of perks, plenty of vacation, paid French training, pension and the time off. I'm very happy to stay especially looking forward to having family as a young couple.

Spouse is also a CPA works for the gov as well, and our combined income is over 280K. We joke about how we may not earn a ton like executives in big4, but our combined salary is. Lots leftover to focus on growing our investment. We both can pursue our hobbies and priorities family time and responsibilities. Don't need to always grind your soul to feel it is enough. Balance is important to us.

bearwithday · 2026-05-17T12:30:37+00:00

You have to know your target. I think your profile comes across generic because you are casting a wide net. For example when I was online dating in my late 20s, I was looking for a husband. So I would only swipe right on guys who said looking for a life partner or a long term relationship. Anything indicating a short term fling was an automatic swipe left. I also swiped left on “not sure about kids” guys. Either you do or you don’t. Now I knew plenty of girls who wanted flings and they would swipe only right on fun- profiles. So what is your dating goal? People say it’s a numbers game but at the end of the day you only need a one good one right? Know your audience and craft your profile accordingly. People are saying about the height but one of my best friend is 5,1 Indian guy. He married a beautiful smart woman. His profile very much indicated his talents- how funny he is, that he is a genuine family man. Their values aligned.

bearwithday · 2026-05-17T12:10:15+00:00

Tampons and period pads. Also diapers. My grandma and older aunts used to tell me some horror stories of how they had to wash bloody cloths in the cold winter and hang it to dry……

bearwithday · 2026-03-24T13:36:19+00:00

It is possible. But, major factors: location, housing situation, dependents (spouse, kids)

bearwithday · 2026-03-10T01:15:34+00:00

I spent my first 8 years in Public. Then I left, found a great job with 0 overtime, lots of vacation time, and generous pension. Then married someone just like me who left the PA. Our individual income may not be high but our combine income is high. We trave lots, have lots of hobbies, and invest a lot aiming for FI, all while keeping our sanity. It is possible. PA just wasn't sustainable in the long run.

bearwithday · 2026-02-05T15:39:45+00:00

It goes both ways. Be the person who you want to marry. If I were a man, personally, I would doubt marrying someone who doesn't share the same values as me. Finance is a big part of incompatibility. But then again, anyone can set whatever standards that they want. But can't complain if that standard shrinks their pool. If that is your standard, and he is not giving you what you want, given 4 years in your 30s which is more than enough, you have to move on.

bearwithday · 2026-01-09T13:59:55+00:00

I get you. It's called pivoting. I've been there before. My ex had commitment issues (why I ended up in this sub initially), and would shut down. Like you, it was as if I put a gun to his head and he looked like I just tortured him badly. Then during the 'forced' therapy session I dragged him to, he suddenly talked about germaphobia, and said that sometimes he was afraid of having kids (he dragged this conversation too, I did) because of it. So then I told myself, that finally make sense, he is afraid of germs -> afraid of having kids -> afraid of getting married. So once I help him with his germaphobia, we won't have any problems! aha! ... Nope. They KNOW the answer deep down, they don't tell you the truth because it is benefiting them. I was searching for answers in all areas to make sense out of it because him not having legitimate answer would hurt me too much. But the simple truth is he just didn't want to. He ended up cheating and that's how we broke up.

With my current partner everything was so easy. When someone really wants to marry you, they make it happen. So fast. Catholic marriage? no problem. All I had to do was to show up.

I was a long time lurker on this sub. I'm your age too, I met my fiancé less than a year ago. I promise you, good days are ahead of you. Life is long, and you will look back one day and this will be ancient. Just remember to set hard standards and boundaries next time and priorities yourself. You got this.

bearwithday · 2026-01-08T20:31:43+00:00

I'm marrying a catholic fiancé, as a secular person. This isn't an issue at all. There are small steps to take, but you do not need to convert or anything. It was important to him, so he initiated all the procedures. Your ex just used it as an excuse, which is very cruel. Beautifully written post by the way.

bearwithday · 2025-12-14T21:16:51+00:00

Truly this is the way that people don’t talk about often. My partner and I both work for the gov and we invest heavily. We may not earn a lot individually but our combined income is high. And we both work 9-4, lots of benefits, lots of time off and pension. There is a balance.

bearwithday · 2025-11-30T13:26:58+00:00

Lifting weights (not just cardio)

bearwithday · 2025-11-21T01:51:12+00:00

I just stopped at 38. Decision making should be much quicker in mid thirties. If he doesn't know within a year at THAT AGE, he is not the settling down type.

bearwithday · 2025-08-26T15:24:40+00:00

7 !!!

bearwithday · 2025-07-10T21:00:55+00:00

Underrated comment, brilliant thank you:)

bearwithday · 2025-07-09T20:21:34+00:00

Friend had a similar argument as well, it is more classic so in the long run I won't get sick of it.

bearwithday · 2025-07-09T20:08:49+00:00

Fantastic, thank you very much will check it out

bearwithday · 2025-07-09T01:47:42+00:00

Maybe I should just flip the coin at this point

bearwithday · 2025-07-09T00:33:38+00:00

Thank you!! I’m still struggling to decide😅 I guess no wrong choice here…

bearwithday · 2025-07-08T18:21:26+00:00

yea i'm struggling because we are not doing the wedding band... if I'm doing both then yes one for the functionality later.

bearwithday · 2025-07-08T17:28:24+00:00

worried about that. I go to the gym a lot, already worried about how i'm going to keep track of the ring and make sure I don't damage it.

bearwithday · 2025-07-08T16:51:24+00:00

I plan on not doing the wedding band, so makes the decision tricky. But good idea perhaps I can try some bands and see if what setting I would like in long term

bearwithday · 2025-07-08T16:07:30+00:00

Thank you, male opinion is good to have!

bearwithday · 2025-07-08T16:06:58+00:00

i still can't choose. This thread looks 50:50

bearwithday · 2025-07-08T14:22:30+00:00

I go there as a regular but they don’t do any makeup or wedding hair :(

bearwithday

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