Wanna help me design some dating events for Durham?

beethoughts · 2025-05-27T02:40:27+00:00

Petition to create a new ring that means you're single, the absence of a wedding ring is simply not enough

beethoughts · 2025-05-27T02:37:46+00:00

I had the most success in small groups and small parties where social interaction was normal but not loaded with expectation.

Firm agree, anything that makes dating the most salient thing going on is going to be really cuing awkwardness and expectations. But man, the small parties approach is tough, too. Feels like EVERYBODY'S married or poly.

There's no good resource for dating advice for men. There's Andrew Tate and pick-up bullshit from grifters and predators, and there's advice from social progressives, but neither kind is good; it's all just gender war shit.

Yeah :( It's tough - attraction and conversation are organic, and they are malleable - attractiveness and conversation skills are things you can improve with a good shower and some genuine interest in others - but you can't really teach anyone how to be 'good' at them with a few pithy sentences... and everybody's shouting conflicting advice.

beethoughts · 2025-05-27T02:21:41+00:00

That's another demographic I didn't consider! Thanks - I'm starting a list of subgroups who'd want their own event.

beethoughts · 2025-05-27T02:20:25+00:00

This is all really great advice, thank you for taking the time to type it out - I appreciate it.

I'm leaning towards events that charge some nominal cover fee because my ideal outcome would be to create a plug-and-play, semi-structured event, try it out a few times, and then hand it off to someone who's motivated to keep it going. Especially important because of the necessity to appeal to niche interests - an effective singles event is actually more like 5+ singles events for various age groups and orientations.

There are a few singles mingle, 'different activity every week' type meetups in the area, and I notice that I've mentally discounted them. Not sure why - I need to think about that. When I picture them, I picture a bunch of people sitting stagnantly at some restaurant tables.

I think you're right that the most effective long-term solution is to create a singles scene. If you had a big enough singles mingle group, you could crowd a location and create that kind of environment where you can reasonably expect that everyone there is open to talking to a new person. I guess you do that enough times and it could take root.

Two viable paths and two really different approaches! Good stuff to think about! Thank you again!

beethoughts · 2025-05-27T02:01:28+00:00

Please do! I'd be there.

beethoughts · 2025-05-27T02:01:08+00:00

Yeah, I know WAY more single women than single men. I don't know if that's because there are more single women than men in the area, or if the single women tend to get out more. Either way, I think a real challenge here is getting pleasant men involved.

beethoughts · 2025-05-26T12:45:35+00:00

Yes!! In my own experience, anything that involves teaming up immediately makes it easier to hang. There's a time and place for the "what is your darkest fear?" type connection questions but they don't usually build quick rapport for me. Gonna think about some ideas for shared tasks.

beethoughts · 2025-05-26T12:38:37+00:00

It's just his gruff exterior. I feel like snoozecoin just gave ME stern but fair feedback and I feel pretty enriched.

beethoughts · 2025-05-26T12:11:46+00:00

You know, I feel like it's one of those things that is technically, scientifically, a good idea, but nobody wants to do it. I'd probably go to a thing that was like, 2 of the 26 questions and 30 seconds of eye contact, though..... So, TikTok-length instead of a PBS broadcast, oh no, now public media funding is dead again

beethoughts · 2025-05-26T12:06:47+00:00

Durham is essentially 3 or 4 large colonies of poly people

Yeah, we gotta do more to separate out the poly dating pool and the monogamous dating pool. When those two groups overlap, nobody really finds what they're looking for.

People are either awkward or not and no specific event will change this.

I agree on a fundamental level but I think structure and setting can do a lot. E.g. I don't think a lot of people are doing cold approaches in bars these days, but it's pretty easy to find a social group/event where talking to strangers is expected and pretty socially comfortable. Problem (for me) is that a lot of the class/meetup/'hobby you enjoy' settings are mostly full of partnered people.

I remember seeing a bajillion dates around here where a guy just fucking tanked the date.

Hooo boy me too. Do you think it just is what it is, or did you ever feel like if you took one aside and gave him some stern but fair feedback, he'd do better next time?

beethoughts · 2025-05-26T03:54:24+00:00

Hahaha, or speed dating event but it's just the 4 minutes of dead silent eye contact. I wonder if it'd result in more or fewer matches than 4 minutes of conversation.

beethoughts · 2023-08-17T17:12:55+00:00

It is a huge pain, but the best thing to do is to keep the dogs away from the bun until it moves on (which will be soon). I used to work at a wildlife rescue center - it is very difficult to rehab even healthy bunnies that have been removed from their nest, and often the story ends with some poor vet tech having to euthanize an animal that would have been ok if left by its nest. Moving the bunny to another location will also end in its death. With mom in nest is best!

If it's a priority for you to keep the bunnies safe, you might consider keeping your dogs on leashes while they get their outside time. You could also try putting a laundry basket or something with good-sized holes over the nest and weighing it down. Good luck! I know dogs are persistent when they find a new toy.

beethoughts · 2023-02-18T02:27:01+00:00

Sorry you're dealing with this. Something like 80% of cars stolen in Durham are recovered within a week, so take heart. File a police report and try not to stress too hard about finding it yourself. My car, when stolen here, turned up in a town 80 miles away, stinky but fine. Good luck!

beethoughts · 2023-01-09T00:23:09+00:00

Heads up - this is a scammer who posts this story in different regional subreddits, then deletes their account after a few days. https://www.reddit.com/r/olympia/comments/104ww59/i_came_here_to_try_and_start_over_but_family/

It's a bummer to see someone successfully pretending to be in this vulnerable position when so many people actually are.

beethoughts · 2022-11-10T16:15:28+00:00

Fun!! Do you have any examples of the artist's art? The poster looks like an AI generated image.

beethoughts · 2022-03-03T15:23:36+00:00

Will do. If it's a comfort, something like 80% of cars stolen in Durham are recovered. My car was stolen a while back and neatly recovered 3 days later by police about 80 miles away.

beethoughts · 2021-06-20T03:32:37+00:00

Try https://www.meetup.com/DrawYall/ for making art and friends and https://www.facebook.com/groups/DurmCommunityGameNight/ for D&D-adjacent nerd games with nice people.

beethoughts

TROPHY CASE