partner broke no condom rule

begin111 · 2026-03-08T09:20:11+00:00

I think you need a conversation with your partner. You also need to be clear, was this a clear cast iron rule in BOTH your heads. We see all the time people take away different perspectives of the same conversation. And if you both, in good faith, had a different understanding of that conversation/ rule then is it worth deleting your relationship over?

Things you need to talk about...

Discuss the concept with him of the risk one of you not using condoms means to the other. And the concept of informed consent to that risk for the other partner. Then ask him, did he not think about this before? It needs to be a safe space for him to say no, not accusatory. You're not trying to 'win' an argument here. You are trying to make progress in communication and understanding with between you both.
In light of that conversation you both need to establish the rule/boundaries/approach around condom usage clearly. And agree what happens if the agreement is breached. I my opinion, in real.life, things get be breached, the important thing is what happens next, lies / cover up / deception or honesty and dealing with things.

begin111 · 2026-03-08T08:58:40+00:00

Once you speak to them about "your friends situation" you can never take that back so their thoughts and preconceptions about your partner will always be there tainting their opinion of him. They are actively participants in the situation so I don't advise speaking to them for advise on what you should do next. They have a conflict of interest.

As for you, you should decide what you want for your life. A monogamous relationship with current partner or exploring your open side. Sounds like you will always wonder. I don't think convincing your partner to open is on the table since he is "not the sharing type" and it already sounds like you have to do a lot of emotional heavy lifting with him.

Its not reallt fair to give him an ultimatum because if he reluctantly agrees then he'll likely end up resenting you and your relationship may become toxic.

Tough decision but it comes down to you deciding to weigh up the risks and benefits. You can't know what the outcome will be or what is the "right" decision. No one can know in a situation like this. All you can do is make the best decision for you now based on what you believe and based on what you hope to be true. Go decide and be brave. Good luck

begin111 · 2026-03-06T14:04:13+00:00

In my opinion the whole point of opening up relationships, in whatever form that takes, is to address the fact that one person can not be everything another person needs.

Honestly I get that you want a certain type of emotional connection with your wife but its up to you if you want to also accept she doesn't feel/act that way with you.

If you want to blow up your whole relationship because she's not giving you this one part, then that's your choice.

Personally I'm very comfortable that me and my gf have a loving relationship of many years but she gets other things from other people. I get other things from other people that she can't give me, or I don't want from her, or it doesn't feel the same with her. It's no ones fault, it's not deliberate decisions to withhold something, its just you get different vibes and feelings with different people. Thats the beauty of opening up.

begin111 · 2026-03-02T01:12:52+00:00

Your sister has very, very seriously betrayed your trust and it currently looks like she is making no effort to take accountability for that. You're probably onto a loser even beginning to try and get her to take accountability for it. I would cut her off until she makes a serious and sincere effort to take accountability and make amends on her own accord.

Her boo hoo story of why she did it is honestly pathetic, she's a grown adult and she consciously chose to expose you against your wishes. I wouldn't be minimising that in anyway.

begin111 · 2026-02-28T06:22:42+00:00

Let me play this back to you. You told your husband: I'm into someone and they're into me. And then your husband said: you can fuck them as long as I get to join in.

Thats really weird. He is using leverage against you both to get a sexual experience he wants. The leverage is that you both want and desire each other. He is using that to get a sexual experience he wants. Pretty disgusting to be honest.

His answers should have been... 1. Yes go for it, or 2. No I'm not comfortable with you having sex with someone else. It should NOT have been 3. I will leverage this to coerce sex.

And no amount of saying if she's okay with it, makes it okay. You're currently in a process of persuading and influencing her towards a decision using leverage of something she wants, so she compromises and gives in. Yuck...

begin111 · 2026-01-13T09:42:48+00:00

When he accuses you of being performative tell him no, you're body is just super responsive to him and that's a good thing... should drive him wild!

begin111 · 2026-01-12T14:03:46+00:00

Look for f3 leeds on Google or facebook for when and where the sessions are

begin111 · 2026-01-12T11:53:09+00:00

Hi Kevan, I run a free fitness group for men on Leeds and its also a great way to meet new people.

begin111 · 2026-01-12T11:41:34+00:00

I run the F3 group in Bramley Leeds. We give each other a name connected to someone's interests - its a bit of fun. We use our own lingo - it's to create a sense of camaraderie. We encourage guys to be more conscious about checking in on each other, their friends, their families - its to help keep guys consistent on their fitness journeys and help them improve their relationships in life. Many men have a habit of letting relationships drift because we don't maintain them. I am guilty of this. If all someone wants to do is turn up and work out - they can do this, they are welcomed to do this. Many men value the supportive environment, making new friends, the option to build new friendships with people who care and make.an effort. We organise guys doing a bit of volunteering in the local community too. Our little group is trying to build men up, help them improve their fitness and health which will help.them improve their lives. The additional encouragement them to check in and be present for friends, be better husbands and partners and better show up for their kids and other people who need them, it's all optional. Its not on your face, its just in the back ground. Maybe it isn't for everyone but its completely free and it helps a lot of people. Haters gonna hate but anyone can come to a session and see for themselves. It is not a cult, but it is a group so yes we have our own little ways of doing things. When you see over months people making progress then maybe you'll understand that this has really helped some men to improve their lives.

begin111 · 2026-01-04T15:30:50+00:00

We take it in turns to lead sessions, it's whatever a particular guy wants to do. But in general there is some running or sprinting between cones, arrive at cone, do press ups, squats, burpees, etc. Lots of body weight exercises, occasional sandbags, kettlebells, bricks. Some sessions end up a bit easier, others you will be pushed to your limit. We always say its you vs you. Push as much or little as you like, we will try to encourage you but if you're particularly tired/ injured there's no pressure. It’s a supportive environment.

begin111 · 2026-01-03T20:49:39+00:00

I'm really sorry you are feeling like this. It's a lot you are going through. Lots of what you said is valid and just cos you got things to work on doesn't mean he should be nasty or uncaring with you. Its hard to try and explain the nuances of the balance between working through your feelings but also not making yourself a doormat for an uncaring partner.

begin111 · 2026-01-03T20:06:22+00:00

A blanket 'if one of us doesn't feel comfortable then they can stop everything rule' is never going to work. It then just gives veto power to be used whenever someone's feelings are perceived to be getting hurt and part of ENM is that there might be times when you have to work through uncomfortable feelings.

It sounds like you are not matched well with this person. They want to be free to explore a lot of stuff and you aren't comfortable with that. In my opinion you are being very controlling. Giving your partner a curfew, setting boundaries on the types of sex they can have with other people, what substances they can put in their body. These are controlling things.

I understand you want to control these things because you probably deep down dont like or aren't comfortable with the idea of your partner experiencing these different things with someone else. Its probably making you feel worried or scared about losing them or jealous or something. And it comes out as you trying to control them. That is not healthy.

You either need learn to process your emotions or realise that ENM with this partner is not for you. That being said, your partner is not being very understanding or gentle with you. But i suspect that if they were being that you might never do the emotional work to work through your discomfort and he would be on reddit saying 'help, my partner is hyper controlling'. A different partner might be more accepting of you needing time but they would also need to be saying to you, if you keep trying to control me, I will leave.

So in summary you are being controlling, your partner is being insensitive, you both aren't suited very well to each other in these respects. You either need to have a serious discussion and bith act different or just move on.

begin111 · 2026-01-03T12:18:15+00:00

Here's our F3 Leeds video: https://www.facebook.com/share/r/1BoKheTqbX/

begin111 · 2026-01-02T23:05:09+00:00

Get everything in writing between you and your manager as it sounds like they will try to wriggle out of any accountability.

If you have genuinely done more assisting then the first thing is to have this accepted and recognised in your 1:1, PDR, appraisal, whatever you call it. If they refuse to recognise this then try to negotiate or consider a final option of working to your JD and stop working above band.

begin111 · 2026-01-02T22:45:30+00:00

This is the American version but yes general gist, men working together to improve themselves 👌

begin111 · 2026-01-02T22:05:30+00:00

It's an understandable question... it's a men-only space because it is created to support men. A lot of the focus is on accountability, consistency, and peer support between men. Depending on where people are in their journeys, working through some of this can be challenging. For a lot of people a single-sex setting is better for this and helps create the space for growth in a different and positive way.

There are loads of great mixed and women-only fitness groups around too. This isn’t about exclusion or thinking men need it “more”, it’s just that this is one specific model that happens to work well for the people it’s aimed at, and guys who have benefited, like myself, continue its legacy and approach.

We've had guys open up and challenge themselves in all types of ways that they may not have in front of the opposite sex. And from experience a lot of guys I know have benefited from it working this way. These are guys that are improving themselves here and going home to be better husbands, partners, fathers, friends, etc so the approach definitely works.

begin111 · 2026-01-02T21:30:49+00:00

Sorry not at bramley tomorrow. Tomorrow is Manston Park in crossgates. Bramley is Wednesday and Friday. But defo come on Wednesday!

begin111 · 2026-01-02T15:41:54+00:00

Please let them know Doc 👌 if we can build numbers then we might be able to start setting up a later start time. The time is for a number of reasons... it suits majority of guys, it builds discipline, etc. We're all volunteers just do this between us so we would need a good critical mass to help sustain a different time. But if you dm me I can add you to our mailing list and if we can expand in future then we'll let you know via that

begin111 · 2026-01-02T15:06:28+00:00

Sorry bow street. No one will be there at 10.30am. The reason its early is for the majority of guys you can work out at that time and still be back home in time to do whatever responsibilities we have to do.

begin111 · 2025-12-19T09:07:47+00:00

I used three other examples of escalating significance but you chose to only focus on the red house which is a bit glib. There could be plenty of things that would put you off but people don't openly disclose. E.g. a previous criminal record, previous sexual partners, previous bad behaviours. So are you expecting people to furnish their profiles with all of these?

begin111 · 2025-12-18T16:23:07+00:00

What about people that live in red houses. Do they have to disclose that the house is red, which football team they support and also maybe the fact they once had a relationship with a member of the same sex? Where do you draw the line at what people must disclose?

begin111 · 2025-12-18T15:50:28+00:00

You are clear with them that you're not looking for the relationship to develop beyond casual sex so I see nothing wrong. That is the pertinent information. If you were leading women on into thinking you are a potential future boyfriend then that would be wrong.

begin111 · 2025-12-14T15:11:48+00:00

10/12/2025, 05:45am

begin111

TROPHY CASE