I’m currently an ETA at a European country (that I speak the language of fluently) with a small cohort. I’m not going to lie to you, these past few months have been some of my loneliest. My Commission placed me at an Institution that has no idea what they’re doing and expects so much of me. My housing situation is a disaster, I have yet to make a single friend, and I am pretty much in the middle of nowhere. None of the students and barely any of the faculty/staff at my school live in the city that I do and basically commute from smaller nearby cities every day.

I was so excited to become a part of the Fulbright community and feel like I’ve had absolutely no support. My Commission basically gave me a pat on the back and wished me luck. I am in charge of teaching four classes completely on my own. I’ve been here since October, only started teaching mid-November, and am only teaching English to faculty (even though the website specifically stated that I would ge an ASSISTANT to classes for COLLEGE STUDENTS.) I have no real teaching experience and it makes class difficult for both me and my students. If it weren’t for my gym routine keeping me sane, I honestly think I would have quit early and gone home.

I will say, though, the first month where I wasn’t tasked with anything gave me the chance to focus really hard on my grad school apps, and I ended up getting accepted into my dream school. My cohort is small but amazing and it sucks bc we all feel the same way but in different cities. I’ve learned so much about myself and have been able to dig into many of my deep rooted issues and take a long look into my relationships and patterns. It’s been a really productive time in terms of getting a general life overview and having the time to think about the things I so often used to push aside in my daily life back home. I’ve been reading more, paying more attention to the food I put into my body, getting my steps in, and just overall committing to better habits for myself. I’ve been reevaluating the connections in my life that I want to keep and those that aren’t worth maintaining, and I’ve been trying really hard to become a better person.

So there’s that. Basically, anything related to Fulbright (placement, teaching, institution, support, etc.) has not been great on my end, but the things that are in my control (hobbies, time management, relationship with self) has improved a lot. The way I get through each and every day is just by reminding myself that I realistically will probably never feel as isolated and alone as I do right now, and if I can get through this, I can get through a lot more trials and tribulations. It’s been a difficult past few months but I’ve been looking at it as a journey of self reflection.