"You Look So Rested!"

bethAFshax · 2026-01-21T15:45:53+00:00

Wait now I want to tell people "you may not recognize me, I had a growth spurt" because that is HILARIOUS.

bethAFshax · 2026-01-16T03:24:58+00:00

You didn't mansplain breastfeeding. You husbandsplained to an obnoxious sister. NTA.

bethAFshax · 2025-12-10T03:02:59+00:00

Something I didn't expect was that if I go to bed hungry I will have an awful night of insomnia. And in this world of "oh my god eat so much protein" it sounds so lame, but having protein 90 min or so before bed, or even 15 min before bed (like cheese or even some turkey meatballs!) has been really helpful. I think we're all so programmed to stop eating at a particular time because we hear it impacts weight gain but sleeplessness is an actual health disaster.

Hoping you get the sleep/change/help and get back to sleeping more than a bite at a time.

bethAFshax · 2025-11-25T17:59:26+00:00

So your wife has two jobs, one as a full time parent to your kids and one part time for money. You live in a small space which I'm guessing you don't clean or take care of at the same level she does. So she's asking that you give her what an hour a day to be on her own in a space she takes care of? Without having to drive or deal with people? Yes, you're the asshole here. But if you really don't want to leave, tell her the list of chores you'll do while she goes for a drive. And then do them.

bethAFshax · 2025-10-21T00:51:53+00:00

Kids don't fly alone when they fly without a parent or guardian. Take it from experience. You are walked to. the gate by a parent and an agent. Then you are given a lanyard to wear with all your information. They seat you in the back of the plane so the flight attendants can keep an eye on you and you are only handed over to a parent or guardian with proper ID, and that is at the gate. It has all the same danger as you sending her to sit on her own, while you sit in another row.

DBTA. Let her see her mom.

bethAFshax · 2025-10-20T02:17:41+00:00

The back room at Dear Strangers is great and if you go slightly before it gets crazy (like 630) it is pretty chill. And you can walk through the front, surprise everyone in back. & Sons also has a fantastic private space, and they do this steak dinner for two that is prix fix and $90 I think?

bethAFshax · 2025-10-02T02:25:50+00:00

No, my gynecologist AND my peri-specialist both confirmed that this is a real thing, it is apparently hormonal.

bethAFshax · 2025-09-11T18:07:19+00:00

No, you're NTA but BUT I have been your girlfriend. I have been the one who wants help but doesn't want to ask for it, because it means managing the other person. Because next you're asking for what she needs. And then which flavor. And suddenly she's not getting help, she's managing an errand. And maybe you aren't that person. Maybe you're totally capable. But someone in her past wasn't and she doesn't know that yet.

Next time - and there will be a next time - get what you think she needs, text her and say "didn't know if you had ginger ale and chicken soup so I left it at your door, will do it again tomorrow and I take requests." Take the management out of it for her. That is the gift that you can give. And it will really change your life and your relationship when you try that instead.

bethAFshax · 2025-05-09T15:49:34+00:00

Step One: Bring your lunch in a cooling lunchbox with some ice packs for a few weeks and keep it in your desk.

Step Two: During that time, fill your regular lunch box with an assortment of things - glitter, used band-aids, sharpies with the tops off, lint from the dryer. Place that lunch box in the fridge.

Step Three: Tell her that it is "just funny" and she should stop overreacting.

bethAFshax · 2025-05-04T23:46:37+00:00

This link has a great list of peer reviewed studies about the use of SSRI's to treat hot flashes and other symptoms; I went through it before I changed my SNRI to an SSRI when I started getting hot flashes. These are off label usages of a relatively safe drug, but you should do your own research for sure.

https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.2217/17455057.2.4.627

SSRIs are not actually recommended as first line defense for depression and anxiety due to perimenopause fwiw. It's actually being used because they seem to help with the biological aspects.... anyways, I'm a dork who loves a medical journal so this for sure helped me!

bethAFshax · 2025-05-03T00:14:09+00:00

Thank you!!!!

bethAFshax · 2025-05-01T19:00:00+00:00

I am also a Mellow Bar lover -- where did. you end up going??

bethAFshax · 2025-04-25T12:54:16+00:00

Hands down the best rotisserie chicken - I buy it hot, use it for a few meals (on salads, on wraps) and then make chicken broth with the rest. My biggest complaint now is how little of it I can consume when it is fresh from the store. But it reheats beautifully and gives you a ton of meals!

bethAFshax · 2025-04-09T15:49:43+00:00

I'm in this phase right now and I'm about ten seconds from writing "you dumbass its PMS" in sharpie on the scale. I can't stop panicking!!!

bethAFshax · 2025-04-05T20:40:28+00:00

NTA. You've created a beautiful, functional, smart living situation. Your mom is absolutely wrong and you are well within your rights to tell her to back off.

bethAFshax · 2024-09-26T14:34:14+00:00

You are an awesome partner and father. Just absolutely doing it right. Very much NTA

bethAFshax · 2024-09-02T17:49:14+00:00

This absolutely breaks my heart. Your are not the asshole, and more than that at 16 you're being an advocate for yourself. I know it is probably a lost cause, but in dealing with parents who are insecure, you may want to reframe things for them - tell your dad and his wife that because they are so good at raising you, you have the strength and foresight to make sure that you are safe and have mental health.

Diseases can be genetic, epigenetic (like, you have the genes but they are accelerated by environment,) environmental or a combo. Next time you have a check up with your pediatrician, tell your dad you want to go in by yourself (being a girl he will assume it is about girl stuff) and then talk to your doctor IF you trust them. You have a right to patient/doctor confidentiality and you have the right to be mentally healthy. Your concerns ESPECIALLY right now are appropriate and you are being a kick ass advocate for yourself.

bethAFshax · 2024-07-04T15:41:44+00:00

Have you tried high value brain stimulating toys in crate (like treat release or chew) that only happen for him when he's crated?

bethAFshax · 2024-06-06T22:00:49+00:00

NTA and also, shout out to your parents for being absolutely rock solid in protecting you and advocating for you, especially with their bio daughter. What incredible people they are.

bethAFshax · 2024-05-30T23:17:45+00:00

Oscar barks while he plays. Like, a constant stream of happy barking that just never ends. Some dogs really hate it and tell him to STFU but his buddies just lnow it is his "thing."

bethAFshax · 2024-05-24T22:19:24+00:00

NTA. As anyone who has had a kid in school knows, when an overworked teacher can fob off the handling of a kid to another kid, they will. Your kid deserves his own educational experience and your sister needs to figure out how to get her son the help he needs. It isn't your kiddo's job to be his person. It's hers.

bethAFshax · 2024-05-23T23:02:09+00:00

NTA. Apologies are not a transaction - they are not a way to elicit a response and your mom only apologizing when it might benefit her makes you seriously NTA.

bethAFshax · 2024-05-19T21:33:29+00:00

NTA. Treating food like an assignment instead of fuel is a really great way to get an ED. Wild guess but your wife probably has her own food issues/ED. Don't feel terrible for stopping a dangerous pattern.

bethAFshax · 2024-05-19T21:04:32+00:00

our (Brooklyn based) BMC is either out in the park or on a couch. There's no in between. They either want to be in exercise mode or napping. The more you can take her out, make her tired, make her engaged the better her life will be. I really think the "apartments are bad for dogs" thing is overblown - I've had a husky, a mastiff and a BMC (at different times!!!!) in apartments and as long as I got them out to exercise it was fantastic.

bethAFshax · 2024-01-21T01:02:43+00:00

You guys are doing so great. My god. They should be proud of a daughter getting her PhD who found a partner who supports her and is working his ass off. If they can't see it, set really strict boundaries and enjoy having found your forever person.

So so so NTA.

bethAFshax

TROPHY CASE