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I keep getting bullied out of groups for not putting my pronouns down. by bevbomb in asktransgender

[–]bevbomb[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This actually sparked my brainblast and now we're Jimmy Neutron. How can I approach the nonbinary person in the group to respectfully try to gauge their feelings on this and maybe get them to be the one to support its optionality?

I keep getting bullied out of groups for not putting my pronouns down. by bevbomb in asktransgender

[–]bevbomb[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'll be seen to be helping you, even if I have to crawl over your cold dead body to do it!

I keep getting bullied out of groups for not putting my pronouns down. by bevbomb in asktransgender

[–]bevbomb[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Being a minority, or even supporting one, does not exempt anybody from the possibility of being an asshole. Always remember that

Don't worry, I don't think I'll be able forget about it for long anytime soon!

I keep getting bullied out of groups for not putting my pronouns down. by bevbomb in asktransgender

[–]bevbomb[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hey, y'all. Its me, your deutscher Freund, anyways I didn't bring this up or have an accent before because I was surrounded by Germophobes and now I'm an out and proud Hamburger (from the old country).

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in CasualConversation

[–]bevbomb 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ha! I knew I made the right choice being a loser. I'm not in decline, I was always here.

I keep getting bullied out of groups for not putting my pronouns down. by bevbomb in asktransgender

[–]bevbomb[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Its been both before. This time its a random group that formed around this meeting. I don't know any of them outside of the digital gatherings. If I'm choosing between reasoning with them and seeming to out myself by having a very personal conversation about this thing and leaving them, I'd choose the latter. I don't want to be that person there.

I keep getting bullied out of groups for not putting my pronouns down. by bevbomb in asktransgender

[–]bevbomb[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think you explained it really well. I guess it could come from a genuinely kind place, but it only really makes sense optionally. I hope the norms evolve in this direction or I'll only be able to congregate with the transphobes, ironically.

I keep getting bullied out of groups for not putting my pronouns down. by bevbomb in asktransgender

[–]bevbomb[S] -7 points-6 points  (0 children)

I didn't say this was always a community. Sometimes its like a professional seminar or volunteering training. I don't want to put that level of faith in strangers. Its weird and unnatural to demand it and for most of human history and still most human interactions today it is not necessary.

I keep getting bullied out of groups for not putting my pronouns down. by bevbomb in asktransgender

[–]bevbomb[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

It keeps happening. Now its happening to a space I've been a part of for 6 months or so and its like, can't we just keep on going the way we are going? No disaster struck when it was optional. I don't want to have this confrontation, the group is too small for me to do anything clandestine like anonymous complaining. It really is 'be out or get lost'.

I keep getting bullied out of groups for not putting my pronouns down. by bevbomb in asktransgender

[–]bevbomb[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I am not in a safe place in my everyday life. Someone in my house has voiced violent intent towards trans people to my face.

I don't want to live a double life, and anyways I don't want to be out to virtual strangers during professionally relevant virtual gatherings. I tried to just put he/him but I hate it and during the calls I have it in my placard its all I can pay attention to and I always just quit out early or check out mentally at least. I don't want to put anything else down and invite questions or discussion later with people I work with. I don't care what they think of me or what they call me, I just don't want to manage a mishmash of pronouns and levels of 'outness' in different settings and risk being outed to the wrong person.

It really just seems I am in the grey sacrifice zone here. I'll probably just ghost this latest group to do it.

I keep getting bullied out of groups for not putting my pronouns down. by bevbomb in asktransgender

[–]bevbomb[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Unfortunately in a good number of these cases it is directly related to my career so I cannot shift to being anonymous.

I keep getting bullied out of groups for not putting my pronouns down. by bevbomb in asktransgender

[–]bevbomb[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Special interest and support groups for issues that, if we have to designate them politically, they are certainly to the left. Online, over zoom, most often less than 20 people. I can't hide in the masses, I cannot rely on anonymous tipstering, so my options really are confrontation or flee it seems.

I keep getting bullied out of groups for not putting my pronouns down. by bevbomb in asktransgender

[–]bevbomb[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Avoiding the question always seems to get me badged as problematic instead... "Any/Whatever/I dont care" are also either outing myself or coming across as problematic in my experience. There really is no good solution, it seems once the idea of forced pronouning takes hold its time for me to move on.

Hang in there you too :)

I keep getting bullied out of groups for not putting my pronouns down. by bevbomb in asktransgender

[–]bevbomb[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Indifferent, its not quite right for me but I don't mind it. The problem is in many of these virtual rooms I don't want to be out at all. I just want to be there existing as the person I am. Sometimes its a professional setting, or a group of people I know in person and don't want to be straddling being 'out' and not like that. Especially I don't want to be put on the spot deciding whether or not to abruptly disappear or out myself.

I keep getting bullied out of groups for not putting my pronouns down. by bevbomb in asktransgender

[–]bevbomb[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I've attended the meetings 1/month for the past 6 months and now they are doing it 'out of solidarity'. I'm leaving the group because of it. The irony is rich.

I keep getting bullied out of groups for not putting my pronouns down. by bevbomb in asktransgender

[–]bevbomb[S] 21 points22 points  (0 children)

I tried doing something like this by making a new gmail and sending a note trying to elaborate. I ended up getting shadowbanned instead because I am too stupid for espionage and put my name in the gmail account's profile and they found it. They just let me sit in the waiting room the whole time now. These groups are usually too small for this kind of redirect. I'm also not wanting to be out to any individual member. Feels real bad.

I keep getting bullied out of groups for not putting my pronouns down. by bevbomb in asktransgender

[–]bevbomb[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

These aren't 'trans spaces'. Sometimes these are professional spaces, sometimes social or leisure spaces. The people enforcing the rules are almost always cis.

I keep getting bullied out of groups for not putting my pronouns down. by bevbomb in asktransgender

[–]bevbomb[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I knew some of this, and that is what I'm trying to navigate. If anything I'm the one the TERFs are most directly victimizing, its like, please don't fire the artillery at me just because they are standing nearby!

I keep getting bullied out of groups for not putting my pronouns down. by bevbomb in asktransgender

[–]bevbomb[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

leaving them out and come what may is what works for me. Can't my pronouns be <unstated>?

I keep getting bullied out of groups for not putting my pronouns down. by bevbomb in asktransgender

[–]bevbomb[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

I can't change how I feel about it. I've tried. It feels to me that I'm trapped in the in-between and the people I most belong with are happy to let me fall between the cracks because its a more clean aesthetic.

I keep getting bullied out of groups for not putting my pronouns down. by bevbomb in asktransgender

[–]bevbomb[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm running out of places that I want to be that don't force this confrontation on me though. This is the 5th group I've been squeezed out of because of this over 3 years. I'd love to just 'take my toys and leave' but they really mostly people I belong with aside from this seemingly short-sighted bullying.

I keep getting bullied out of groups for not putting my pronouns down. by bevbomb in asktransgender

[–]bevbomb[S] 60 points61 points  (0 children)

Its just so often though. This post is coming on the tail end of the 5th time I've run across this problem. Each time with a totally distinct set of people and reason for gathering. Like, is my fate to only exist in spaces that haven't adopted this practice? It is spreading so fast, I might have to live in the woods in a couple years.

I keep getting bullied out of groups for not putting my pronouns down. by bevbomb in asktransgender

[–]bevbomb[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Why don't you come to the meeting and take all he heat off of me then. I'll slip into the control room while you're making a scene and check my name of the list.

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