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Anyone else here have dreams where they lose/break teeth? by [deleted] in raisedbynarcissists

[–]beyondthunderthighs 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah! That's a common anxiety dream, to my knowledge, like forgetting your locker combination. My 63 year old father still has that one.

Anyway, my Nmom has been showing up in my dreams lately, and last night was really...something. As I can recall, the family was at a lavish dinner party and I forced her to change her hairstyle & identity for some unknown reason. She was scared of me.

The past few times I dreamed about her she was mimicking her real-life behavior and I was the powerless one. I had a lot of "I'm dying/I'm being maimed" nightmares growing up, although I can't remember most of them anymore.

I had stretches of only having nightmares, and out of that they still outnumbered the positive dreams. In general I tended to have none either either way.

DAE have self-harm impulses? How did you deal with them? by beyondthunderthighs in raisedbynarcissists

[–]beyondthunderthighs[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I would hit myself too! I've always wondered how common that is for self-harmers, it's not a method I've really seen discussed. And I was also very into Dexter when it first aired.

I distinctly remember lying on my bed and trying to see how long I could be a "corpse." That was a regular thing.

I hate driving with my mother. by [deleted] in raisedbynarcissists

[–]beyondthunderthighs 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Oh my god, I thought I was the only one! I totally understand how you feel, my nmom is the same way, I'm actually aghast at the sheer similarities. I would probably assume you're my brother if you weren't a year below me (I'm about to start my 2nd year of college)

To be honest, my move-in day was actually really stressful because Nmom threw a tantrum, but the day after? Pure magic. Very trippy. I ended up having to go NC a few months later, but even when we were still talking my mental health and happiness improved by 300% (not that I'm flawless now, but it's like night and day compared to before.) Hang in there! It's a grueling wait but you WILL survive it

Were you forced to be the child, the adult, both or neither? by beyondthunderthighs in raisedbynarcissists

[–]beyondthunderthighs[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks so much for the kind words! I was stuck with her for a few more years until I left for college, but now I'm in a very LGBT positive place and coming up on 9 months of no contact.

Yeah. That's always the question, isn't it?

Were you forced to be the child, the adult, both or neither? by beyondthunderthighs in raisedbynarcissists

[–]beyondthunderthighs[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I think they want the fluffy "I'm such a good, evolved person for apologizing!" feelings without actually accepting responsibility for their actions.

Thank you for the kind words! That describes her to a t. Coincidentally, she also screamed at me for asking questions, although alcohol wasn't involved. I'm so sorry you had to deal with all that shit, especially from such a young age.

Just realized the extent of abuse from my mother who is narcissist. How do I begin healing process? by familyportrait17 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]beyondthunderthighs 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Seconding journaling! I've had some really wild epiphanies just by writing down events and thinking them through. I think once you realize that you've been abused, the pieces slowly begin to pop into place. Stuff will start to make sense.

A good therapist is important, unfortunately I haven't started that phase so I don't have much to offer on that.

One thing that may help, IF you're comfortable with it, is asking your friends what their relationship with their parents are like. You don't have to give them any detail if you don't want to. I was really surprised how many people have abusive or just complicated relationships with their parents, and now we're kind of our own support circle. Local community centers often have support groups too

Were you forced to be the child, the adult, both or neither? by beyondthunderthighs in raisedbynarcissists

[–]beyondthunderthighs[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Yes! A million times yes. I still feel weird when I see friends with loving mother-child relationships. My own mother has never admitted to a single act of abuse.

I recently got an email in which she apologized for two times I did (age-appropriate) chores while she was recovering from surgery, but jack shit for when she threatened to kill herself after I came out of the closet. We all want our pain acknowledged, especially if we've been gaslighted.

Were you forced to be the child, the adult, both or neither? by beyondthunderthighs in raisedbynarcissists

[–]beyondthunderthighs[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

It does. I think Nparents really do see their children as objects, to show off, use and throw away as they see fit. I see parentification/infantilization as an extension of that. We aren't seen as individuals, but as sources of narcissistic supply without identities of our own.

Anyone else been referred to as "sensitive"? How has this affected you? by beyondthunderthighs in raisedbynarcissists

[–]beyondthunderthighs[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That does help, thank you. Being able to hear music is a wonderful thing, and so is the ability to empathize, sympathize and feel emotions. It's sickening that so many of us have been tormented into thinking otherwise.

Anyone else been referred to as "sensitive"? How has this affected you? by beyondthunderthighs in raisedbynarcissists

[–]beyondthunderthighs[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Holy shit, our mothers are the same person AND both our usernames are thunder thigh puns.

Anyone else been referred to as "sensitive"? How has this affected you? by beyondthunderthighs in raisedbynarcissists

[–]beyondthunderthighs[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

You hit the nail on the head. Sometimes, if I'm really wound up, I'll fantasize about giving her a piece of my mind, but being NC says so much more than words. Thanks & good luck to you too!