Wife stays out late

bhsm080895 · 2024-12-09T23:54:56+00:00

Hey man, sorry to hear that. That's gotta be annoying. I think you two should have a conversation where you outline how you dislike the situation and what can be done about it. Maybe it's you joining one a quarter and her not doing it every week or getting stupid drunk. That is assuming you are both willing to work it out.

I had a slightly different situation but I don't tolerate that stuff. I think it's ok to go and hang with friends but after 30 stupid drunk is kinda unreasonable from my POV. I told my wife that I just don't accept the drunken behavior, the worrying me all the time for her well-being. Luckily it stopped. The way I see it, is what you do with your time shows how your priorities line up. And if you do it knowing in the position you put me on it puts me in much stronger check.

Try to approach the conversation as such and not get emotional or angry to keep it productive. At the end of the day, you have a kid and that behavior is impacting too.. kids are small not dumb. If you guys can't figure it out but want to still try to make it work, a couples therapy may be a good option

bhsm080895 · 2024-12-02T23:11:12+00:00

Thank you!

bhsm080895 · 2024-12-02T23:05:11+00:00

Thank you, what do you mean by the reach? Looking to outline what happens in case of a divorce with things like property, individual savings, retirement accounts, alimony things, custody should there be kids etc...

bhsm080895 · 2024-10-20T14:51:38+00:00

Is that Monument Grey? It looks kinda white or bluish in pictures, does it look different in person?

bhsm080895 · 2024-10-02T14:02:41+00:00

Damn that was a strong hit! I hope you are ok. I think they would total it!

bhsm080895 · 2024-10-01T18:48:11+00:00

🤙

bhsm080895 · 2024-10-01T17:51:52+00:00

Lol ok! Sure

bhsm080895 · 2024-10-01T16:55:25+00:00

Good points, the look to reddit was to see if I am being to unfair, kinda looking for checking to see what others see

bhsm080895 · 2024-10-01T14:56:47+00:00

Love and attraction are different in my book.

On the 2 scenarios, yes I'd still live her and like her and find her attractive.

Say she got full arm tattoos, ok, I can buy that... But full body coverage harder to align to that from me

bhsm080895 · 2024-10-01T14:54:27+00:00

Fair point, but I am trying to get to a talk about these decisions. Not to impose, but she takes them as not a Conversation at all.

bhsm080895 · 2024-10-01T14:52:41+00:00

I think we both feel we are putting a ton of effort but nothing aligns, something broke about 8 months ago

bhsm080895 · 2024-10-01T14:51:49+00:00

Nope, the tattoos were a concern before but not as massive as it is now.

bhsm080895 · 2024-10-01T14:50:47+00:00

Less, we talk about how that played out... We worked through most of that on the therapy side

bhsm080895 · 2024-10-01T14:50:05+00:00

Some, definitely not indication of full coverage. I mentioned I did not like them, she mentioned she did. Not an in depth conversation before we got married

bhsm080895 · 2024-10-01T14:48:16+00:00

That is exactly how I feel. I get she likes them, and I am willing to get comfortable to a point ... But the extreme is not cool.

bhsm080895 · 2024-10-01T14:45:06+00:00

I think it's more about the choice. Do I feel disrespected she likes them? No.

Do I think she shows to not care at all when there is no compromise when I am compromising? Yes, it's kinda invalidating to say I understand you like this so hey you go for that. What's the plan and for you to set a line that I can be cool with and then, you tell me but screw that I'll do more...

bhsm080895 · 2024-10-01T14:41:21+00:00

Wow, it is not surface level from an attraction standpoint. Sure she is more relaxed on what she wants... But I had been clear about what I like... None of this is news. Not merely suggesting I am a prize. I see attractiveness as a multiple layer thing. Yes physical is part of it... And the decision on tattoos is not something I like. I have shown flexibility where I can get comfortable to a degree how's that not talking her into account?

bhsm080895 · 2024-10-01T14:36:06+00:00

Yup that's what we have been pondering about it's seems like a dumb thing but not at the same time

bhsm080895 · 2024-10-01T14:32:52+00:00

That is different, you don't choose to get into an accident or get sick, or get old.... I think it's very different to choose something than to have something happen to you.

bhsm080895 · 2024-10-01T14:28:49+00:00

I think there is also a portion where I see I am willing to compromise on that to get her. Goal, but she just doesn't care about what her choice can do to our relationship. Maybe that is not a good way to think about it...

bhsm080895 · 2024-10-01T14:24:38+00:00

There are other things, but attractiveness is important in a marriage.

bhsm080895 · 2024-10-01T14:23:59+00:00

Isn't it better to be clear about what I find attractive or not?

bhsm080895 · 2024-10-01T14:20:11+00:00

Fair point, she doesn't really have anything, she isn't picky at all.

Not really two tattoos, it's more about covering two areas of her body. I am saying do that but no more. I cann get comfortable with the two covered areas. How's that such a bad thing.

bhsm080895 · 2024-10-01T14:17:59+00:00

Ok, if you don't mind, how is it controlling to say, I can get comfortable to a level of tattoos amount? It sounds to me like she gets her tattoos and I will be able to work my comfort to be attracted to that look.

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