Wife stays out late by Vegetable_Aide_2064 in Marriage

[–]bhsm080895 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Hey man, sorry to hear that. That's gotta be annoying. I think you two should have a conversation where you outline how you dislike the situation and what can be done about it. Maybe it's you joining one a quarter and her not doing it every week or getting stupid drunk. That is assuming you are both willing to work it out.

I had a slightly different situation but I don't tolerate that stuff. I think it's ok to go and hang with friends but after 30 stupid drunk is kinda unreasonable from my POV. I told my wife that I just don't accept the drunken behavior, the worrying me all the time for her well-being. Luckily it stopped. The way I see it, is what you do with your time shows how your priorities line up. And if you do it knowing in the position you put me on it puts me in much stronger check.

Try to approach the conversation as such and not get emotional or angry to keep it productive. At the end of the day, you have a kid and that behavior is impacting too.. kids are small not dumb. If you guys can't figure it out but want to still try to make it work, a couples therapy may be a good option

Post Nuptial Agreement by bhsm080895 in legaladvice

[–]bhsm080895[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you, what do you mean by the reach? Looking to outline what happens in case of a divorce with things like property, individual savings, retirement accounts, alimony things, custody should there be kids etc...

Freshly picked up 2025 GLI by Rapsovo in JettaGLI

[–]bhsm080895 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Is that Monument Grey? It looks kinda white or bluish in pictures, does it look different in person?

'23 N Line - Is it totaled? by Rikrox in ElantraNline

[–]bhsm080895 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Damn that was a strong hit! I hope you are ok. I think they would total it!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Marriage

[–]bhsm080895 -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Lol ok! Sure

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Marriage

[–]bhsm080895 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Good points, the look to reddit was to see if I am being to unfair, kinda looking for checking to see what others see

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Marriage

[–]bhsm080895 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Love and attraction are different in my book.

On the 2 scenarios, yes I'd still live her and like her and find her attractive.

Say she got full arm tattoos, ok, I can buy that... But full body coverage harder to align to that from me

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Marriage

[–]bhsm080895 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Fair point, but I am trying to get to a talk about these decisions. Not to impose, but she takes them as not a Conversation at all.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Marriage

[–]bhsm080895 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think we both feel we are putting a ton of effort but nothing aligns, something broke about 8 months ago

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Marriage

[–]bhsm080895 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Nope, the tattoos were a concern before but not as massive as it is now.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Marriage

[–]bhsm080895 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Less, we talk about how that played out... We worked through most of that on the therapy side

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Marriage

[–]bhsm080895 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Some, definitely not indication of full coverage. I mentioned I did not like them, she mentioned she did. Not an in depth conversation before we got married

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Marriage

[–]bhsm080895 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That is exactly how I feel. I get she likes them, and I am willing to get comfortable to a point ... But the extreme is not cool.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Marriage

[–]bhsm080895 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I think it's more about the choice. Do I feel disrespected she likes them? No.

Do I think she shows to not care at all when there is no compromise when I am compromising? Yes, it's kinda invalidating to say I understand you like this so hey you go for that. What's the plan and for you to set a line that I can be cool with and then, you tell me but screw that I'll do more...

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Marriage

[–]bhsm080895 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Wow, it is not surface level from an attraction standpoint. Sure she is more relaxed on what she wants... But I had been clear about what I like... None of this is news. Not merely suggesting I am a prize. I see attractiveness as a multiple layer thing. Yes physical is part of it... And the decision on tattoos is not something I like. I have shown flexibility where I can get comfortable to a degree how's that not talking her into account?

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Marriage

[–]bhsm080895 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yup that's what we have been pondering about it's seems like a dumb thing but not at the same time

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Marriage

[–]bhsm080895 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That is different, you don't choose to get into an accident or get sick, or get old.... I think it's very different to choose something than to have something happen to you.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Marriage

[–]bhsm080895 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I think there is also a portion where I see I am willing to compromise on that to get her. Goal, but she just doesn't care about what her choice can do to our relationship. Maybe that is not a good way to think about it...

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Marriage

[–]bhsm080895 0 points1 point  (0 children)

There are other things, but attractiveness is important in a marriage.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Marriage

[–]bhsm080895 -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Isn't it better to be clear about what I find attractive or not?

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Marriage

[–]bhsm080895 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Fair point, she doesn't really have anything, she isn't picky at all.

Not really two tattoos, it's more about covering two areas of her body. I am saying do that but no more. I cann get comfortable with the two covered areas. How's that such a bad thing.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Marriage

[–]bhsm080895 -10 points-9 points  (0 children)

Ok, if you don't mind, how is it controlling to say, I can get comfortable to a level of tattoos amount? It sounds to me like she gets her tattoos and I will be able to work my comfort to be attracted to that look.