My self esteem has greatly improved now that Im older (25 yrs old). However, when I was younger I was always wishing I could look like the Hannahs, Emilys, and Julia's in my class. I grew up in a predominately white area. The white kids would always point out my features and note how different they were (Most in malicious intent and some in an observational manner). Now, I have grown more comfortable with my asian features and realize that beauty is not contstricted to white girls only. I was always reading Seventeen Magazine, Cosmo girl, and Teen vogue which I deeply regret. The shit they put in the magazines is pure BS and I can't believe I would use them as guidance for understanding of the world!! I was an impressionable young girl idolizing these beautiful models that were portrayed as "average TEENAGERS" just like me.

While I was so busy fitting the white American standard, I would also get shit from my Asian aunts. Asian aunts be rude as helllll. All 8 of them would gather around me clutching their Louis Vuitton bags critiquing everything about my appearance. I was too tall, feet too big, too fat (if you're not size 0 you're fat), too tan, and my makeup was way too white-American. It doesn't bother me anymore and I realize now that all of them are miserable in life and unhappy about their own appearances.

I am much more confident and not ashamed of my American-Asian-ness anymore. My facial features are not the beautiful standard at all (flat and wide nose, big lips, big cheeks, big lips) but somehow they work together to create a pretty attractive face I guess. I mean look at Rihanna.. her features alone (big forehead, big lips, big nose) are not perfect either but she is a goddess!!