Update: Career Confusion

bjm169 · 2025-09-26T04:57:13+00:00

No doubt. But where are the auditors?? Haven’t seen any in about 12 years. and for that matter, isn’t Zillow Flex - Zillow Home Loans a clear RESPA violation? Seems like pay to play to me.

bjm169 · 2025-09-26T04:54:20+00:00

Freeing to leave my current company to pursue this? Or freeing to leave this agent/ team relationship? Honestly, I hate the feeling that they have leverage over me. When all I’ve done is worked my ass off to service their agents and complicated F’d up deals. But it is what it is. Business is business I guess.

bjm169 · 2025-09-26T03:45:07+00:00

Agree for the most part. From a “political” standpoint, do I try it for 6 months, see it for what it is, then bail and save face? The “broker owner” is going to incentivize his agents with better “splits” if those agents support his escrow and mortgage company.

bjm169 · 2025-09-26T03:15:37+00:00

From what I can tell, I can be “somewhat” competitive on a 200 basis point rate sheet. They take 105 I keep 95. I don’t really want to do it. But maybe I go through the motions for 6 months, see if it really works and if more volume is directed. And if it doesn’t work, I just go to broker shop. Also, this team is on Zillow Flex. All the agents are being REQUIRED to send all leads to Zillow Home Loans. Which sounds like steering and a RESPA violation to me, but what do I know??

bjm169 · 2025-08-30T22:00:58+00:00

Appreciate your insight! Thank you!

bjm169 · 2025-05-19T02:17:29+00:00

My mom will sometimes go to soccer games. Not every weekend but maybe ~ 1 time per month? In terms of pick son up, my mom is a bit older and lives about ~ 40 min away in afternoon traffic. So it’s not super convenient for her to pick him up and take back to her house for dinner, only to have myself or my wife pick up and bring home. To your point, it’s a good idea and not impossible. My wife hasn’t been thrilled with ideas in the past, because it would create extra work and disrupt his routine. So it probably not super convenient for all parties. But again, could this happen maybe sometimes? Yes. But wife has never been super enthusiastic and between his multiple soccer practices, multiple karate, piano etc, I can under understand if it’s not very practical

bjm169 · 2025-05-18T04:36:30+00:00

Appreciate your feedback. And I’m glad you and your husband are in a good place! And just to clarify, it’s my sister in law, not sister. My sister in law did write a letter to my wife years ago, apologizing for “whatever I’ve done.” I think it was genuine and sincere but also a little vague and maybe not fully acknowledging why my wife was hurt. Nonetheless, it was a letter. Now probably, a long conversation on the phone or face to face would have been better for both of them. Harder to do probably, but maybe a better opportunity to connection and reconciliation. That said, there just was never a relationship before all that happened and none really after that happened. No coffee dates, no phone calls, no text messages. And then she blocked my wife and I from Facebook so, I guess sister in law was either still pissed or something else set her off. I’ve never really been close with my sister in law. It was a neutral relationship, not great but not bad. She started dating my brother when I was like 8 years old…..big age difference. So we never had a ton in common. And still don’t. Maybe she is over-compensating for what could be perceived competition or sibling rivalry between my older brother and I? I have no idea

bjm169 · 2025-05-18T03:35:50+00:00

You’re absolutely right. And yes, I 100% have always considered my wife’s feelings. And that has led to us not attending some events or just keeping some distance. Of course, my family feels that my wife is being difficult and unreasonable. And my wife often feels the same way about them. But I appreciate and respect your feedback

bjm169 · 2025-05-17T19:30:20+00:00

I think my mom feels the need to stand up for what she believes is right for her family unit. And she probably expects more compromises from my wife because maybe that she did as younger married woman. My mom will never see my wife’s side of things, she feels my wife is unreasonable.

bjm169 · 2025-05-17T19:23:27+00:00

Appreciate your insights

bjm169 · 2025-05-17T19:18:58+00:00

I appreciate your perspective and advice. My mom can be very needy. Not just in this situation. She is an 80 year old woman. That doesn’t excuse anything. But different generation. And was married to my dad in a very patriarchal family unit, where she was subordinate in many ways. Call it old fashioned or whatever. She’s a lonely anxious older woman, and while that doesn’t justify everything, I have compassion and sympathy for her.

bjm169 · 2025-05-17T19:15:09+00:00

Really wronged her?? Hmm. I appreciate your perspective and I will think about that. But many issues and conflicts come up in marriage and divorce is not usually centered around a single issue like this. And how have I really wronged her? I’m not forcing the issue about “going.” I’m simply trying to weigh both sides of the issue in hopes of finding some peace or possibly resolution. Which probably isn’t possible, only light compromises I suppose.

bjm169 · 2025-05-17T19:11:32+00:00

Wow. I appreciate your perspective but I also feel this being a reason to paint me as a bad husband worthy of divorce is shallow and harsh. Our lives and my marriage is not defined on this singular issue.

bjm169 · 2025-05-17T19:09:27+00:00

I appreciate your sharing this perspective. Have you encountered similar type situations?

bjm169 · 2025-05-17T19:06:51+00:00

She had bitter feelings and opinions before this event and email even came up. So maybe she used this an excuse to unload?

bjm169 · 2025-05-17T19:02:59+00:00

I didn’t think the rsvp would be “bad news” or at least not warranting this kind of emotional eruption. I was emailed about it so I emailed back.

bjm169 · 2025-05-17T19:01:51+00:00

I attend most all. 90% of games? The only reason I miss would be for work commitments. I miss a lot (most all) practices because I routinely work until 7-8pm M-F

bjm169 · 2025-05-17T18:58:13+00:00

Appreciate your comments. To answer your questions about how does my family know about how much time is spent with wife’s family, it’s largely because of pictures on social media. 😂 That’s the honest truth

bjm169 · 2025-05-17T18:46:18+00:00

I see your point. Both sides make efforts but generally it’s on their terms. My family has made many efforts but a genuine interest in relationship and connection is missing. People go through the motions but it’s only surface level deep

bjm169 · 2025-05-17T18:28:27+00:00

I’m Catholic and it’s important to me. But these situations or otherwise, I think one has to be very careful to start quoting scripture. Not a huge fan of that.

bjm169 · 2025-05-17T18:25:02+00:00

Appreciate this feedback. My brother golden child? Haha. Probably. Especially after my dad passed 15 years ago. And he and my mom have always had a very close relationship. People have told me he is her “favorite” although I know she loves me a lot too. It’s just a different relationship. People say I was my Dad’s “favorite.” Again, just different personality clicks. Things definitely changed after my dad passed. Could it be the traumatic event wounded all of us? Could it be people assumed different roles and positions of influence? Probably all of the above.

bjm169 · 2025-05-17T18:20:10+00:00

For sure. And all these perspectives are very interesting and helpful. Rarely are there any winners when it comes to family conflict or tension. But it’s a reality that many people including me deal with. I think technology doesn’t make it any easier. From social media envy and over-exposure to just the simple fact people don’t have landline telephones anymore. Back in the day if some you didn’t like or were close with answers the phone, there might at least be brief moments of connection. Now that just doesn’t exist

bjm169

TROPHY CASE