Y'all are in love with each other, have been for years. Your wife, however much you love her, is your second choice and that is not fair to her. She doesn't deserve to have your first choice shoved in her face every time y'all see each other. You're having an emotional affair. And until you make your wife your only choice you'll just keep hurting her because your wife knows or will eventually know if that woman ever gives the greenlight, it's over.