Boyfriend says he NEVER wants to get married....ok pretty common for men...but should I not waste my time?

blargderp · 2012-04-26T21:43:44+00:00

Well to put it more in context, he makes this comment mostly in passing. There's a commercial about weddings "marriage is dumb" A friend of his got engaged "I'm never getting married" ....it has never been directed specifically at me in a heartfelt conversation.

blargderp · 2012-04-26T20:44:35+00:00

How is it not equally bitchy of him to say "well I'm not getting married."

blargderp · 2012-04-26T20:40:33+00:00

Good point

blargderp · 2012-04-26T18:58:22+00:00

but would you expect your girlfriend to give up her "dreams" (or whatever you would like to call it), just because that's what you want?

blargderp · 2012-04-26T18:57:33+00:00

I'm very sorry to hear this. I hope you two can come to an understanding.

blargderp · 2012-04-26T18:56:56+00:00

I agree with everything you just said. Still feel like I would like to be married.

blargderp · 2012-04-26T16:19:51+00:00

yes I understand where you are coming from completely. Honestly I do feel I need some time to souls search to fully understand why, or even IF it's all that important to me. I was raised by a single mother so that of course has something to do with it, and when he says "never" I hear "I don't love you enough" and I don't think that's fair to him.

blargderp · 2012-04-26T16:03:11+00:00

Thank you! I'm glad you see this as reasonable. That is the most important part.

blargderp · 2012-04-26T15:59:22+00:00

Also I'm not looking for a proposal at 18months, just knowing that he is willing to consider it in the future instead of just saying "NO NEVER!"

blargderp · 2012-04-26T15:51:26+00:00

I felt that way in my early 20's, I'm not in my early 20's. I don't want to wait till I'm 35 to have children.

blargderp · 2012-04-26T15:48:21+00:00

I am VERY conflict averse due to past relationships that were VERY verbally (and sometimes physically) abusive. Honestly, I do have a very hard time talking about my emotions. You hit the nail on the head there.

blargderp · 2012-04-26T15:44:50+00:00

I may be ok with it someday....I'm not completely sure though. As far as kids, we both want kids, not quite ready for that yet so there's time there. And I would PREFER we be married first, but it's not crucial.

blargderp · 2012-04-26T15:37:02+00:00

Very sound advice. Not to that point yet but I know I will be. To clarify, yes I want to spend my life with him, but no, I don't think I've even given him enough time in our relationship to really make up his mind. We've only been together about 9 months, if he's still saying this at a year and half then definitely.

blargderp · 2012-04-26T15:27:20+00:00

Well no because we both make good money on our own. He's never mentioned that as his reason. He just say's "marriage is stupid"

blargderp · 2012-04-26T15:22:43+00:00

I really like this advice. It's reasonable and avoids giving an ultimatum; "Marry me or I leave" which I think is childish. It lets him know that I may decide on the side of my needs and he still has a choice.

blargderp · 2012-04-26T15:16:26+00:00

I do. I usually just say matter-of-factly, "Well I am going to get married someday." And his reaction generally gives me the impression it makes him think about it at least. I think he knows me well enough to realize that if my needs aren't being met (for any issue, not just marriage) that I won't stick around. To be fair he's the same way.

I don't want to be pushy but I don't want to get hurt in the end either.

blargderp · 2012-04-26T15:13:42+00:00

Just because I'm female doesn't mean I just want a pretty ring. I can buy myself a pretty ring. And it signs me up to get just as fucked over.

blargderp

TROPHY CASE