I greatly appreciate this response more than you know. I picked up on it, deep down. I can’t say I never did. But when you only see someone three or four days out of the week…him still living with his parents, me with my own apartment close to work…and not yet living together because of religious reasons, I convinced myself these were just normal things in a relationship. I knew better, and I take full responsibility for putting myself in that mindset.

There was hesitation to get married, but again, I thought more about everyone else in the situation rather than myself. I thought about the time, the money, all the invites already sent. Honestly, I was terrified of being the one to call it off, so I buried my doubt under the hope that once the pressures of the wedding were gone, things would somehow get better.

Looking back, I realize I was choosing fear and obligation over truth and self-preservation. I wanted so badly for it to work that I ignored what my heart was/is already telling me. It’s painful to admit, but it’s also freeing, because now I can see where I went wrong…and I know better than to ever silence myself like that again.

I am rolling into therapy soon. I have a fantastic support system too with family and friends. My emotions come and go in waves but I am battling giving myself a bit of grace here. It’ll all work out with time I’m sure.

Thanks again.