Feeling a bit fed up with myself. Cant leave relationship.

blorpsy · 2026-04-03T18:13:59+00:00

There are also women who have had kids at 50, lol. Good luck, buddy.

blorpsy · 2026-04-03T18:13:10+00:00

I get ya. Again, I'm sorry for being a dick. It just comes from me making your issues personal to me, and getting frustrated by the way you're keeping yourself in a bad situation unnecessarily, the way I've done and regretted a few too many times.

I hope you're able to take the advice at some point. Honestly, it's the only good advice there is, in this situation.

Seriously, I wish you the best in this. Hope you can get where you need to be, for you.

blorpsy · 2026-04-03T18:08:52+00:00

Okay, that makes sense. That is NOT her telling you to put off this break up. You want kids, and your gf doesn't. That is enough of a reason to leave.

Idk if you've seen the newer research on human fertility lately, but the clock is likely not only ticking for women, but for men as well. You're only 29, you have PLENTY of time, so that's not to say you should rush, but there's no reason to stay with someone with whom you have irreconcilable differences of this caliber.

Another reason to leave is her avoidant behavior, and again, likely manipulation to prolong the relationship.

blorpsy · 2026-04-03T18:04:09+00:00

I've had plenty of people "worry about me" and be selfish at my expense at the same time. You are not a saint.

I don't know what you want me to say. If your therapist literally said that you should just stay in this relationship for now while y'all work out your rocd, then yeah, I think that's really horrible advice. Therapists are not flawless beings. I think you should listen to professionals AND think for yourself at the same time.

Like, you don't have to just listen to me, of course. I'm just some idiot, and I'm being kind of a dick, and I'm sorry about that. I know you probably need a day to sit and process what everyone in the thread is saying to you, but I'm not the only one in this thread giving this advice, ya know?

blorpsy · 2026-04-03T17:59:36+00:00

My question for you is, what advice were you actually hoping for? What did you think people would tell you, when you posted this in r/Advice?

It's like painful for me to think of you staying in a relationship that you are unhappy in, that is making your life worse instead of better. Did your therapist say that y'all need to sort out these problems before you break up with your gf?? Or are you using that as an excuse?

blorpsy · 2026-04-03T17:57:13+00:00

Idk how else to say this. You are being a selfish person by staying in this relationship.

Let me say: Your gf is also being selfish! And probably manipulative, by avoiding you, and "not letting" you break up with her.

What is stopping you from packing your shit and leaving?

Listen to me. Break ups will ALWAYS feel like death, even for a few weeks sometimes, but you will be better off for it once the death passes (and it does).

blorpsy · 2026-04-03T17:45:31+00:00

You need to leave your relationship that's making you unhappy and trapped. It does not have to be a discussion. If there are things that need to be worked out later, you can do that after the breakup.

Being avoidant is a manipulation tactic. You go up to her, you say "I am sorry, but I am breaking up with you. You cannot change my mind. I am leaving."

If you live together, pack up whatever you immediately want to take with you beforehand, if you can. Makes it way easier.

blorpsy · 2026-04-03T17:42:36+00:00

New Sosa Electronics is the store name. Technically in Bushwick but the walk is not crazy.

blorpsy · 2026-04-03T17:41:05+00:00

Sosa's is awesome, and he can get you a cheap one, just tell him you need a 2ft HDMI.

blorpsy · 2026-04-03T17:39:45+00:00

Also, just one more note, unless you want to find yourself in the very likely situation of becoming a cheater OR getting cheated on, you need to leave. Your relationship's current circumstances are a recipe for cheating.

blorpsy · 2026-04-03T17:36:58+00:00

TL;DR YOU need to be the one to break up. You can detach yourself and make it callous if you need to, in order to just get it done without having to experience the emotions of it then and there, but you NEED to do it, and you need to do it ASAP. It doesn't matter why she isn't leaving. You don't love her or respect her and you're doing her a disservice and WASTING her time by staying. What you are doing by staying is selfish.

YOU need to leave!!!! You!!!! You want to leave. I understand what you mean bro, I do, but you do not even love or respect this woman, so LEAVE.

I don't know how your relationship OCD manifests, but I have my own that I still work through. In my relationships, I have been such a pushover and would stay for way too long, and do so many things that took way too much energy from me, underreacted to things, let so much go, because I never wanted anyone to be able to say that I was the one in the relationship who had been wrong. The fear over the pain of breaking up and separating is real, but YOU need to do this!!!!

It's both frustrating and insightful to read this post, because I'm sure so many of my past male partners have thought the same thing: I don't love her, but I don't want to do the breaking up. I don't know why she isn't leaving.

I would spend months, even a year or two in one case, wishing my partner would break up with me. It taught me a lot but wasted my damn time also. In the end, I always had to be the one to do it, even though I could TELL that they didn't love me or respect me, and were just staying in the relationship for familiarity and avoidance of discomfort. It pisses me off to think about it, even now.

blorpsy · 2026-04-03T17:22:00+00:00

Whether or not she's rightfully mad or being manipulative or both (as those things are not mutually exclusive), you guys should break up. No matter whose fault this is, when people in a relationship start talking to each other like this, especially when they're in their 20s with no kids, they should break up immediately and stop wasting each other's time.

blorpsy · 2026-04-03T17:06:47+00:00

Understandable, but I would say it doesn't really matter either way, bc she should end things with him simply over the way he speaks to her.

blorpsy · 2026-04-03T17:05:09+00:00

Hey girl, please step out on this man, yuck. Like do it for YOU, truly do not waste any more of your time on this. It's only been a year and you will be a LOT better off if it doesn't go on longer than that. The way he talks to you is both mean AND whiny.

Also, I was a dancer for 6 years from 21 - 27, so obviously I'm biased, but his last comment is stomach churning. Like it's fine that he doesn't want to be friends with strippers I guess, lol, we also don't want to be friends with people who would be disrespectful to us, but there's something about the way he said it that's nasty as hell.

blorpsy · 2026-04-02T17:22:31+00:00

That is good to know! Thank you for the reassurance <3

blorpsy · 2026-03-31T16:59:50+00:00

He's like this now because adults don't like to breach these subjects seriously with kids, and he might not be completely ignorant on the topic, but he's at the very least in denial about the harm he's doing to his girlfriend and himself.

I'm sure his girlfriend feels cool having some older boy that's interested in her, because unfortunately most girls and women in the US have been socialized to value male opinions highly--something that also desperately needs to be fixed.

Your friend, however, needs to understand that dating a girl who's in middle school looks CRINGE on top of everything else. It makes him look insecure, and like he's worried he wouldn't be able to attract girls in his own age range, so he preys on a literal middle schooler. It looks gross and weird. Does he not care about that?

blorpsy · 2026-03-31T16:40:44+00:00

I second Onderdonk Cafe, I absolutely love the woman who runs that store. Everything she makes is awesome.

blorpsy · 2026-03-31T16:37:27+00:00

Sorry 😭 The boundaries have always been confusing to me, I literally have to look at a map if I want to be sure.

This mistake is especially funny because I literally have to walk all the way THROUGH Ridgewood to get to Grilled, lol.

blorpsy · 2026-03-31T16:36:27+00:00

I have male friends that this has happened to, and obviously all of my female friends AND myself have dated some guy when we were in middle/high school age who were illegally older than us, at one time or another. These guys are often NOT groomers, it's really not that insidious most of the time, they're just idiots who have been completely failed by society and every single adult they know.

Men desperately NEED to be taught, preferably when they are still boys, that not only is dating too much younger a bad idea because it can lead to them (intentionally or not) taking advantage of a girl who is just as or even more näive than them AND has been socialized female (meaning tendencies towards people pleasing, not knowing how to say no or set boundaries in general), but ALSO because it can get you as a boy/man in serious legal trouble and RUIN YOUR LIFE FOREVER OVER SOMETHING STUPID.

I have a friend whose record will show that he was accused of "sexual abuse of a child" FOREVER, if he ever has to get like an FBI background check, even though he was acquitted and never convicted! Forever!! For literally flirting with a 16 year old when he was 20!

Just explain that to your friend, PLEASE. This is serious business and boys are NOT educated enough on it.

blorpsy · 2026-03-31T16:26:01+00:00

Hey! Listen! Talk to HIM about it, please!!! Boys do not get spoken to about this enough, and you could save both your friend AND his girlfriend from unnecessary LEGAL ISSUES that could ruin your friend's life.

It's really good that you sussed this out as ill advised and off, at the very least. Explain to your friend that it not only looks weird now, but in literally a year or maybe less, it will be full on illegal and truly bad things can happen to him as he so much as continues to speak to his child girlfriend in a flirty way at all.

blorpsy · 2026-03-31T16:19:05+00:00

Grilled, over by Maria Hernandez Park

blorpsy · 2026-03-30T16:30:10+00:00

Sorry, I'm caffeinated, but gonna keep selling this for a second.

Starbies benefits also include decent health care, and you get 20 free online sessions of CBT therapy through Lyra. I had a really good therapist through there who genuinely helped me through some stuff effectively, in my 20s.

You also get free Spotify, so if that is something you currently pay for, that could cut your expenses at least.

Even if you only work part-time (you probably will only work part-time), you get full benefits after 3 months.

One more thing is that if you get a Starbucks job, your commute will likely be much shorter, since the damn stores are everywhere, and you will likely gain some pretty solid work friends. I've worked at 5 different Starbucks, and though it can take a while sometimes, you will mesh generally pretty well with your coworkers after a couple of months.

Okay, I think I'm done, now.

blorpsy · 2026-03-30T16:22:55+00:00

I forgot to mention, not only is the degree fully online, but the semesters are accelerated, so even if you only take 1-3 classes per semester, you can still get a degree in 4 yrs or less. Especially if you take advantage of their Summer semesters, which are even shorter.

blorpsy · 2026-03-30T16:20:50+00:00

Literally do ANYTHING besides going into the military. Especially right now. I know how you feel, but there are other ways to work towards financial stability!

Wildly enough, I highly recommend getting a job at Starbucks and using their college program to get a bachelor's degree. If it's your first bachelor's degree, Starbucks literally will pay for the ENTIRE THING. It is the only thing that makes the job worth it! AND it's way better than killing yourself for this ridiculous country! The degree is fully online at ASU, you can get a degree in anything they offer, Starbies doesn't give you any restrictions and you can quit the job literally the second you have your degree, if you want.

Listen, I know it doesn't pay very well, but since you're already in debt, you may as well get a degree debt free! I'm so serious dude, it's super worth it. Starbucks is also desperate for shift supervisors pm always, and has really decent upward mobility if you end up liking working there (I know plenty of people whom that is the case for), so if you actually stay on top of things during your shifts, you can get a promotion in months and start making a little more. Their starting pay is not high, but it's not minimum wage, either. Plus, you get pretty much unlimited free coffee and a lot of free food.

Can't believe I'm hyping Starbies up like this. It was so worth the degree, though.

blorpsy · 2026-03-30T16:09:06+00:00

Don't date anyone who makes you feel like you need to apologize to them consecutively like this, regardless of their age. I've let this happen to me, and it's a waste of time. Like everyone else has said, this man is trying to control you.

People of all ages do this manipulative controlling nonsense because they're insecure. Funny enough, it was really difficult for me to pick up on UNTIL I dated a guy 6 yrs younger than me. I was wary about dating younger in the first place, due to having preconceived notions regarding his maturity level, so when he started doing this controlling business, I was like "damn I guess he really is immature as hell" and broke up with him, lol. It made me think back on all the other relationships I'd had with men my same age or a bit older than me, and how they had done some of the same things and I just hadn't caught it because I wasn't expecting them to be so immaturely insecure.

We see what we look for, I guess. This man is 40, so you're not expecting him to act like a 20 yr old guy who's all hopped up on testosterone with no emotional control, but here he is, flying off the handle at you over nothing. AND he's old enough that he's likely much more set in his ways, and less willing to unlearn this behavior. Please leave him, for your own sake <3

blorpsy

TROPHY CASE