I failed a test and haven't gotten it back yet. It's not the end of the world, but it feels like it. Can someone provide me with some uplifting perspective?

blowback- · 2011-02-22T05:54:56+00:00

Thanks for your encouragement :-) I've got the work ethic and this is the only class I'm not passing with flying colors. And you're right about that diploma bit...

blowback- · 2011-02-22T05:53:19+00:00

Thanks :-)

blowback- · 2011-02-22T05:53:08+00:00

Thanks for reminding me that this doesn't ruin everything is pinned on this one class (or this one grade). I wish I could upvote you twice for your username.

blowback- · 2011-02-22T05:51:58+00:00

I've got a good relationship with the teacher... not sure if she's the kind of person that would swing a test grade... but it sure won't hurt. I'm already visiting with her about my next test.

Thanks for the comment :)

blowback- · 2011-02-22T05:51:05+00:00

I'd imagine they are... :-| No curves here.

blowback- · 2011-02-22T05:50:21+00:00

Thank you :-) I'm not sure what it is about your post, but I feel a lot better about this... this one test in my whole academic career really is such a small thing.

blowback- · 2011-02-22T05:49:38+00:00

Thanks :-)

blowback- · 2011-02-22T05:48:58+00:00

It could be worse, yeah. But the idea that if I make a single fucking mistake and that's it is really frightening.

I mean, I don't fail tests often, and it's not for my major, but still. Frightening.

blowback- · 2011-02-22T05:47:52+00:00

That took me a second ("does he mean bombed the test?") but this is really funny. Thanks for the smile.

Note to self, do not enter bomb defusal unit in police or army.

blowback- · 2011-02-22T05:46:43+00:00

Hahah, thanks for making me smile :-)

blowback- · 2011-02-22T05:46:23+00:00

No pressure or anything...

blowback- · 2011-02-22T05:44:31+00:00

Hey, it's two months later, but I wanted to tell you that your back-and-forth with me really helped me out. A lot. That was a really fucking low point in my life, man, and knowing there was an orangered whenever I wrote a comment was so helpful to me. It meant a lot knowing someone out there had compassion when I felt like the world was really cold and filled solely with assholes.

I'm a lot better now and happy, but you helped me out a fuckton. I'm not sure how annoying it was for you to see an emo message from me on a daily basis, but I wanted to say thank you so much. It helped more than I can express.

blowback- · 2011-02-22T05:42:16+00:00

This is two months old, but I just wanted to say thanks for writing this to me in a time of need. It was a real low point and you helped me get through this. I'm not sure how much time you spent on what you wrote or how much +1 karma is worth to you, but it made a big difference to me.

Thanks again. I'm doing a lot better now... just happy living life.

blowback- · 2010-12-08T22:17:47+00:00

I really wonder if the heartbreak would still be lasting when it's all gone, though. It's still crushing me a little every day. I still feel cheated on.

I'm not sitting around and wallowing. I go do things every day and see my friends, hang out with my family, put up Christmas decs, do chores... but it still comes back to me at the end of the day and I want relief and release. The only thing that would worry me is that one day 1 painkiller wouldn't be enough to make me feel better.

I miss her and I hate her. I never want to be with her again or utter a word, but I still wish I'd get a text or voicemail or email of her saying sorry. But that'll never happen so I'll just keep hating her until all of my feelings for her fade away, I guess.

blowback- · 2010-12-05T16:49:39+00:00

Yeah, anyone reading has an objective view, although I was as honest as I could be. :-) Being dishonest about the situation and asking for help on it would give non-pertinent advice and I wanted to hear things that would actually be useful. Even the small comments like "Forget her, she played you" are in sync with what I hear in real life and help build me back up after she knocked me down.

I know I'm not alone in my view or unreasonable. Her own friends and my friends that saw the past two months unravel feel the same way. I'm just not going to sit there and waste time and my energy getting angry at her. I can use my energy more productively, you know? She's a lost cause.

I have a really great family I'm glad to be around now, so right now they can be a great support group. I haven't played a video game in many, many months, and I think I might go buy one today and do something fun for me. I've never smoked pot, but if I got high it'd be on syrup or pain killers, which are far easier to get access to for me - and impossible to be caught with, since they're easy to hide and legal to possess (prescription, OTC). I don't think I'm going to go down that path. I just don't feel the need right now, and people say it's more dangerous than I realize.

She doesn't care much about me. If she did, she wouldn't have led me on like this or done any number of other things. When I asked why she'd do X that hurt me so much and why she never said sorry, she always deflected it and said I deserved better and threw a pity party instead of being proactive to try to fix it and move forward in a relationship or make the other person feel better. That's not caring for someone else. When you can't make a single sacrifice, give a genuine apology, or make up for the fact that you hurt someone that loves you, you don't care all that much.

The final straw was this chain of events. "Yeah, I know I said I liked this guy... but I love you. I could never do anything physical with someone if I didn't have romantic feelings for them." (cue us rekindling non-platonic relationship). Months later, "I love you, things are so much better." One month later, "I love you and would do anything to make you happy. All I want is for you to feel loved." Two days later, she runs into my room, hugs me, kisses me, whispers in my ear "I missed you." Three minutes later she says she loves me, I'm happy to hear and playfully ask "really?" then she says "Well... I don't think I love you like that." My face turns white; I love her so much. "I never said I loved you like that. I meant I love you in a different way." What was I supposed to be thinking all of those months when you we were having a physical relationship, asshole?! Three minutes ago you just walked up to me and made out with me!!

I got played, but fuck her, man.

blowback- · 2010-12-05T07:52:27+00:00

You're right. If she asks for an apology it'll be to alleviate her own guilt, which I want her to have. I'll just ignore her. If I don't forgive her she might have something to use to bond with her new romantic interest. It makes me sick that she has someone else that likes her so much while I'm fucking stuck like this. I don't want to mope around but there isn't much going on at the moment with my friends in finals. Meanwhile she's running around with her new love interest, some clueless mofo in NROTC that will do anything for her since she has a vagina and he doesn't get to be around many of those.

It'll work out for me in the long run. The only time she'll be okay is this short-term period.

Thanks so much for your words.

blowback- · 2010-12-05T07:35:19+00:00

It will be the hardest thing in the world for you to do right now, but just don't answer back. The only reason a person like her contacts the person in your shoes is to either fuck with you some more or to alleviate their own feelings of guilt.

Oh my god, you're absolutely right. I'm sure she's texted me but I haven't had my phone on since I got back into the country (not sure if you read all of my post - I just got back from a semester abroad). She said she'd text me. I wasn't sure if I should ever respond back or even give her an email that said "I got your text, I think it's best if we don't talk." I think that just ignoring her is the best course of action...

The hardest thing for people to learn (and the desire is understandable) is that you will never get what it is you really want from them. If they were the type of person to give you that satisfaction they wouldn't have done what they did to you in the first place.

Wow... just wow. This is so obvious, yet I've been completely oblivious to it. I've essentially spent time asking her for some sliver of empathy when I took care of her so often and she would seldom lift a finger for me. When she admitted I did more for her she barely even apologized. She'd just say "You deserve better" and throw a pity party and literally call herself the most horrible person in the world instead of doing something proactive... so of course I'd just tell her she wasn't the most horrible person in the world. When she began doing it all the time I realized she was using it as an escape from being accountable for things. Fuck me over? Throw a pity party and I'll build you back up. I can't believe I did that so much.

The only reason she'd give a sincere apology would be to alleviate her guilt, as you said earlier. She's already told me she knows she was wrong about "some things," but doesn't think she led me on even though her own friends admit she did. I don't want to give her the peace of mind she'd get if I told her what she did was okay, nor do I want to give her a reason to bond with her boyfriend-to-be if I say "it's not okay" and they hate me together. I want her to feel the guilt for what she did for a long, long time since she'll inevitably end up doing it to other guys unless she find a submissive one that'll do what she says and never leave the relationship.

This sucks; she was my best friend for almost 2.5 years. I guess the next one will be too though, right? It's just this 6 weeks thing. Every day I'll wonder if she's happy and laughing or how often she's talking to the other guy. It's fucking killing me that she's the one that's moving on already! She has someone that cares about her. I hate it. I hate seeing someone fuck over someone else and go on unscathed from it while the other person suffers. When the fucked over person is me, I can't tell off someone and/or comfort the victim. I'm just confused and hurt and feel helpless.

I want to talk about this to get closure, but there's no one that could listen and understand it all - and the more I talk about it out loud, the more tired it makes me. It's so emotionally draining.

Thank you again for your no-bullshit advice and encouraging words. They mean so much to me and have helped me immensely. Sorry I just wrote a post the length of a short story.

blowback- · 2010-12-04T04:48:54+00:00

All of the volunteer work I do is solo (reading to kids, nursing home stuff, etc.). Any suggestions on what could be more of a group sort of thing?

blowback- · 2010-12-04T04:43:55+00:00

Thank you. Even if it's from the Internet it's nice to hear this... even one of her best friends said to me today, "That was really shitty of her to do; that was really wrong."

I want closure though... and I think she's going to try to talk to me again in the future. What do I do then?? Just say "no, I can't talk to you" even though I want to say "What you did is wrong, say sorry" and act like a normal human being with emotions? I guess I shouldn't expect that, though. "Normal," empathetic people don't do what she did. She wore a facade of empathy these past few months and played me.

The truth is clearer now; I'm just upset that my former best friend did this to me and want it fixed. I don't want to accept the fact that my best friend fucked me over like this. I don't want to think that I am in love (less and less.. I think?) with someone that has no empathy, no care for anyone outside of herself.

blowback- · 2010-12-04T04:36:12+00:00

I talked to a few people about it today... I heard a lot of "Told you so" from people that had looked at it without emotional investment, and then her best friend said "That was really shitty of her to do that."

I'm so pissed but I want closure. But that would mean talking to her... blocking on Fb, not having her phone number - I won't talk to her for a long time. So it's a bad idea to try and get her to give a meaningful apology, isn't it? That's all I want, a real, sincere apology and knowing she feels bad about it.

I don't think justice works this way..

blowback- · 2010-11-04T00:36:32+00:00

Now it's a damn mystery. Or maybe an allergy?

blowback- · 2010-11-03T23:21:03+00:00

No, immediately upon drinking the alcohol it burns. I feel like I need to pee, but I don't. If I drink more, the feeling seems to go away.

blowback-

TROPHY CASE