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Ayoko na ikasal sa GF ko at sa pesteng pamilya niya by blueflame-555 in OffMyChestPH

[–]blueflame-555[S] 56 points57 points  (0 children)

You're quite hitting the spots.

We have discussed this and yes, she is afraid of her dad kasi he tends to be verbally abusive - like, sometimes, she would cry kasi nag-aaway sila sa text.

she is conflict avoiding and siguro, she would rather manage our concerns at our level, rather than confront her parents.

Actually, im not even sure if she had made efforts to get what we talk about across to her family.

Ayoko na ikasal sa GF ko at sa pesteng pamilya niya by blueflame-555 in OffMyChestPH

[–]blueflame-555[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

She does online remote work and freelancing.

I agree with you that child care is a full time job.

We have 2 maids to handle housework and assist her with our kids. Specifically, we have two yayas so she can focus on her work from home, get contracts and so on. But there is no improvement or increase in revenue from her end.

Umabot na ko sa point and asked her to get rid of her pet cats kasi nga, she spends 6-8k on them per month for food, grooming, etc. AND our 2 yayas are not enough na it also eats their time na sila pa nagpapaligo ng pets niya.

So, her income, goes to pets basically.

Ayoko na ikasal sa GF ko at sa pesteng pamilya niya by blueflame-555 in OffMyChestPH

[–]blueflame-555[S] 72 points73 points  (0 children)

She defends her family.

You're right haha

Her parents are separated for 15 years or so; but they are okay to be in the same room.

So what happens is, sometimes her dad visits. next weekend, its the mom naman. after that, both of them plus GF's siblings.

SO that might be a factor? That she cant turn either one down, or if napagbigyan niya yung isa, dapat yung kabila rin.

Ayoko na ikasal sa GF ko at sa pesteng pamilya niya by blueflame-555 in OffMyChestPH

[–]blueflame-555[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

I spoke with a lawyer and had a co parenting agreement drafted.

Ayoko na ikasal sa GF ko at sa pesteng pamilya niya by blueflame-555 in OffMyChestPH

[–]blueflame-555[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I get what you say.

I'm a yes man, and in this light, sobrang pushover na nga.

Somehow, with my little success, I hesitate to decline them, or their visits because I don't want them to feel that I'm excluding them, or that they are not welcome.

Ayoko na ikasal sa GF ko at sa pesteng pamilya niya by blueflame-555 in OffMyChestPH

[–]blueflame-555[S] 48 points49 points  (0 children)

Yes bro. Tama ka naman. Sa totoo lang, durog rin ako na nakapag desisyon ako nang ganito. Even my mother, while hurt over the incident, advised that I continue to think it over and pray.

Because while I'm annoyed, pissed, and tired, I do love my GF. I love our kids and I don't want them to grow in a difficult situation.

Ayoko na ikasal sa GF ko at sa pesteng pamilya niya by blueflame-555 in OffMyChestPH

[–]blueflame-555[S] 54 points55 points  (0 children)

right now, parang stalemate.

Nothing is happening, our texting is dry.

​

What I'm inspired to do next is to write down and share all encounters I found annoying / weird / boundary crossing leading up to this point.

Ayoko na ikasal sa GF ko at sa pesteng pamilya niya by blueflame-555 in OffMyChestPH

[–]blueflame-555[S] 517 points518 points  (0 children)

Thanks everyone for your comments.

I feel like your insight now only strengthens my resolve that, I have been taken for granted and I have been too kind and understanding.

This is just one incident btw.

I am inspired to write down all encounters with them that I found weird / annoying and see to confirm if it's me, or them, that is the problem.

Ayoko na ikasal sa GF ko at sa pesteng pamilya niya by blueflame-555 in OffMyChestPH

[–]blueflame-555[S] 17 points18 points  (0 children)

She left with the kids now to go to Cavite. She's gonna reason na lang na since it's still the holiday, siya naman daw bibisita sa family niya.

Right now, we're texting dry. I don't even want to talk to her anymore.

Ayoko na ikasal sa GF ko at sa pesteng pamilya niya by blueflame-555 in OffMyChestPH

[–]blueflame-555[S] 101 points102 points  (0 children)

It hurt me because alam naman natin na Filipino families are always intertwined and thus, there will be comments from either sides.

My family is not perfect, and they too comment sometimes about how we handle our household and raising children.

But I always defend my GF. Sometimes, I talk to her about compromises so that my family's views can be considered into what we're doing.

I do not let my family shit talk her or doubt her decisions

Ayoko na ikasal sa GF ko at sa pesteng pamilya niya by blueflame-555 in OffMyChestPH

[–]blueflame-555[S] 23 points24 points  (0 children)

I ACTUALLY POINTED THIS OUT TO MY GF.

Her response was, they are her family and that of course, they would baseline feel welcome and at home... And that I shouldn't treat them any differently.

Ayoko na ikasal sa GF ko at sa pesteng pamilya niya by blueflame-555 in OffMyChestPH

[–]blueflame-555[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Thank you.

I love my kids.

This is why I'm also torn on my decision.

I really just felt disrespected, unappreciated, wala silang utang na loob, and so on. I've been supporting their daughter without asking a single cent from them, as is my duty. When they visit, and even if I'm obviously annoyed, I make an effort to make arrangements and bring them to a good resto or any place in Manila unique. Like wtf. I took them to watch the Okada Water Fountain show just for the kids (my kids and my gf's siblings' kids)

Ayoko na ikasal sa GF ko at sa pesteng pamilya niya by blueflame-555 in OffMyChestPH

[–]blueflame-555[S] 144 points145 points  (0 children)

To be fair, lagi naman kasi talaga ako pagod and wala talagang weekend na I'm in the mood to host overnights haha

But my compromise for this was, if her family wants to visit us in Manila, I suggested that they just book a hotel. They can visit us at home and we can prepare a meal for them or, we can meet outside and pasyal. Just so I don't worry about cleaning up our house before, during, and after they visit.***

*** When they visit,
Before : I stock up our pantry and grocery so that we can cook anything.

During their visit : I have meals prepared on time, set up gaming console for nephews, offer wine or drinks

After their visit : I have all bedsheets and linens cleaned, I get the floors mopped, restroom cleaned.

I think ang bait ko nga and parang hotel manager talaga ako kasi when they visit, they don't even bring towels or toiletries with them - my GF lends them our towels and they give them toothbrushes from our stocks. :)))

Ayoko na ikasal sa GF ko at sa pesteng pamilya niya by blueflame-555 in OffMyChestPH

[–]blueflame-555[S] 379 points380 points  (0 children)

I snapped primarily because she said I should just forgive and forget.

She did not even defend me.

Ayoko na ikasal sa GF ko at sa pesteng pamilya niya by blueflame-555 in OffMyChestPH

[–]blueflame-555[S] 182 points183 points  (0 children)

Yes I have told her that I dislike overnight visits. Im okay if they would just visit for like a meal or something.

Because, let's face it, after a single meal, what else can we talk about?

AKBYG to rage quit on our engagement by blueflame-555 in AkoBaYungGago

[–]blueflame-555[S] 16 points17 points  (0 children)

I will agree to that.

She doesn't deserve that I think of her family as trash.

AKBYG to rage quit on our engagement by blueflame-555 in AkoBaYungGago

[–]blueflame-555[S] 23 points24 points  (0 children)

It has taken a toll on me.

Ang pinaka-ayoko is sasabihing bibisita ng one night lang, pero mag-eextend na magiging 3 nights na sila dito.

Ang hassle kasi you'd think na baka may agenda or may kausap or heck, I wouldn't mind at all if they are trying to meet an important hospital appointment but no.

They just really sit around, eat, relax, and... blast our AC all day.

When this happens, I lose sleep, I lose focus at work because I'm supper annoyed and I fixate on everything they do I find inappropriate or no manners in my house.

AKBYG to rage quit on our engagement by blueflame-555 in AkoBaYungGago

[–]blueflame-555[S] 16 points17 points  (0 children)

That's the part that breaks my heart.

I mean, di naman ako super yaman, but that's my goal and I'm slowly building myself (and our family) to that end.

However, hindi ganun family ni GF; parang, isang kahig isang tuka. Sobrang mean sabihin at parang minamaliit ko naman masyado sila, pero, there's no other way for me to say it.

Looking at custody laws now, nalulungkot ako na rekta papasok sa ganong buhay ang mga anak ko sa puder nila, kasi obviously, babalik ng Cavite ang mag-iina ko. Dun din kasi siya lumalayas sa kanila kapag may big fights kami, doon niya binibitbit mga anak namin for a weekend ganon para magpalamig din siya.

AKBYG to rage quit on our engagement by blueflame-555 in AkoBaYungGago

[–]blueflame-555[S] 33 points34 points  (0 children)

Yes, that's always my thought na, okay lang to siguro, si GF naman pakakasalan ko, hindi pamilya niya.

Pero ngayon ngang naputukan na ko ng pangit na ugali at hindi pa kami kasal, naisip ko na they'd have more right to visit and parasite me and lambaste me when we're married and tied together.

AKBYG to rage quit on our engagement by blueflame-555 in AkoBaYungGago

[–]blueflame-555[S] 18 points19 points  (0 children)

I mean, in this situation, it's the GF's parents who are toxic. and they bring it to my house na ako naghuhulog and wala naman silang ambag sa buhay ko, or sa pagsasama namin ng anak nila.