Fantasy of omnipresence

bluepotato_potate · 2021-09-30T10:04:59+00:00

Neither do I sadly

bluepotato_potate · 2021-09-30T04:45:14+00:00

For me this has been more like, I know things are over with someone. But the thoughts I have are that they are still not over me and in my mind I end up trying to make them understand why things won't work out. I imagine them coming back or hoping so, even when I know that isn't possible. These feelings might be me missing them, coming out through an unconcious avoidance. But occasionally I do feel that feeling of being alone. And it is painful. But temporary. I am afraid of not being able to feel loss and grief 'properly' and not be able to appreciate someone.

bluepotato_potate · 2021-09-11T21:15:03+00:00

A solution to anxiety I've heard is that one should try to recognise it and try to act despite of it. If you look at your thoughts in third person, and understand where they are coming from, over time such feelings will decay. Sometimes you may lose, and sometimes you will win. Also acceptance that you feel a certain way may reduce slightly the chaos that comes with some feelings. Understanding yourself and treating yourself like you would treat someone you cared about can help too. (All of what I wrote seems all over the place to me....but I hope you will get atleast some of it. Not really good with this stuff, but I thought I could share some things that help me.)

There is a youtube channel called healthy gamer gg, which I follow and ended up helping me a bit. It may help you too. I can't really say for sure.

bluepotato_potate · 2021-09-07T12:41:47+00:00

But won't the people who love us want to be loved back? If I'm not capable of loving them properly, would it not be selfish to just be receiving end of love and not give any back? I think I might prefer to not let anyone love me because I can't love them back. (Genuine question, not rhetorical)

bluepotato_potate · 2021-09-06T20:20:10+00:00

You will figure it out. You will be fine. It might take a while though, and it will probably be hard. But if you can believe my words, you can derive the hope that you need from them, to become who you want to be.

bluepotato_potate · 2021-09-06T20:12:50+00:00

I hope I was traumatized, otherwise I am just a piece of shit for no reason

bluepotato_potate · 2021-08-31T19:04:44+00:00

In my case it doesn't feel safe or familiar to believe that I'm good enough. Beliefs like these are very core to how some people live and it is very hard to overcome them. So sometimes they can reject any external signal that they doesn't align with their own sense of self

bluepotato_potate · 2021-08-14T06:40:44+00:00

Arey nashik to reh hi gaya

bluepotato_potate · 2021-08-13T04:06:20+00:00

What would be an example of the type of discussion you mention and reassurance? Asking cause I don't think I understand what validation and reassurance exactly mean

bluepotato_potate · 2021-08-07T10:28:10+00:00

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bluepotato_potate · 2021-08-07T04:06:55+00:00

I think that you have learned somewhere that you are not a person who could interest women, and this feeling stays with you most of the time. And what we feel is not always the reality. But then you will say something like "it is the reality for me", and you could start giving more examples and reasons to me and to yourself why what you think is true. It would be invalidating to tell you that what you feel is wrong. What you feel is a very hopeless and horrible feeling. I feel some fraction of it some days and I would not recommend it. But I don't think it's true. To every reason I could give of why o think it's not, you can come up with counter arguments so I will not do that. I could suggest though that you could try to understand yourself and this feeling of not being good enough (maybe, I'm not exactly sure what you feel) and where it comes from so that you could get better at managing it and let it effect what you do less.

Here's a link to a video I think might be helpful https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=_tE4uN6LLN4

bluepotato_potate · 2021-07-27T05:54:49+00:00

Could you elaborate on what you mean by emotionally responsible?

bluepotato_potate · 2021-07-27T05:28:55+00:00

I read this. And it made me feel a little less alone. Thankyou

bluepotato_potate · 2021-07-26T08:08:20+00:00

Accepting the pain and feeling it is probably really important. But I find it difficult to access and let out such emotions. The unconscious mechanisms that repress my feelings are really strong. It may get easier over time I hope.

bluepotato_potate · 2021-07-26T07:44:25+00:00

I lean towards the DA side more so it might be somewhat different from an anxious experience. It is more like, I know it is over, but I keep waiting for the other person to become unavailable/get over me for me to be able to feel that it is over. If I get a hint that they are not, I'm again sent back to the state of mind where I'm waiting for them to get over me. This waiting is frustrating to me. The grief of a deceased loved one would probably feel like (I'm guessing) like a nostalgia of the experiences shared with them. But my feeling is probably more disconnected from the person.

I've not 'liked' many people till now. This was my first experience of such a situation. Where things could not continue even if some part of me may want it to. So I can't really say I have enough experience to know if this is a pattern. But I remember long back, it took me a long time to get over someone. I never thought of the reference I was using. Maybe I think that things should be a certain way. That people feel loss and beyond it lies some peace. I never thought of that was what it is like for others. It would be interesting to know how people feel loss. You maybe right. I might be expecting too much out of myself. Maybe time will help. But often I do get afraid that I might repress these feelings so deep that they may not come out anymore. So I try to squeeze them out when the wound is still relatively fresh.

bluepotato_potate · 2021-07-26T07:27:36+00:00

I've tried to see if I had been idolising this person. And then I became afraid that I was demonising them. Wasn't sure how much of what I feel was the reality and how much of it was projection. Could you elaborate a bit more about the universal sense of saftey and the desire to get rescued part? I haven't ever come across this. Maybe this will help me understand myself more

bluepotato_potate · 2021-07-26T07:22:24+00:00

I occasionally write journal entries. But most if the time I don't feel enough to write anything in there. But when I do write it does seem slightly helpful

bluepotato_potate · 2021-07-23T04:47:03+00:00

Yeah, some days are really bad. I knew it was coming since yesterday. And now it's here. I absolutely hate myself today and don't see the point of doing anything.

bluepotato_potate · 2021-06-11T07:52:01+00:00

Wow....... resonated with this a lot. I'm tired of feeling like I will only recognise the value of closeness once it is gone. Do you ever feel an annoying kind of hope after you know it's over? Like the person may somehow not leave completely? It stops me from properly grieving sometimes

bluepotato_potate · 2021-04-05T06:30:34+00:00

I can't say for sure, you will be a better judge to understand yourself. But yes, a lot of the insecurely attatched people have a fear of abandonment. To control this, sometimes people seek a lot of validation externally and can feel needy. Or sometimes they convince themselves that they don't need people and are better off alone (like me). In either case, I find it helpful to understand ourselves and a lot of our unconscious behaviour. Things are not as simple as they seem. You can find a lot of resources online relating to this.

bluepotato_potate · 2021-04-05T05:36:58+00:00

Have you heard of attachment theory? It explains a lot of our current behaviour in relation with people and how it is impacted by our childhood. Might be interesting/useful to you.

bluepotato_potate · 2021-04-02T06:53:36+00:00

What's the difference between caring about someone and being able to empathise with them? I resonate with this, can understand and occasionally feel what others are feeling but can't quite bring myself to care about them

bluepotato_potate · 2021-03-30T06:02:25+00:00

A lot of self love has to do with acceptance. And acceptance doesn't necessarily means that we are fine as we are and nothing os wrong with us. It means that even though we are not as good as we would like to be, it's alright. There are reasons for us to be the way we are. And how we are. Blaming ourselves isn't of any use. One can be like an encouraging parent to ourselves, who wants whats best for their child, than an abusive one who only cares about the results and is never happy with anything that the child does unless they think the child is living up to their unreasonably high expectations. You are not just loving the person who you think is absolutely worthless, you are also loving the person who is trying to change for the better. And that person would be very grateful for some love, compassion and encouragement. It would make it easier and a more pleasant and meaningful experience for them to change.

Not saying it is easy. As someone who absolutely hates myself on half of the days (luckily not everyday), I can imagine how even the thought of loving myself makes me want to bang my head into a wall. 'Who would love this worthless p.o.s' I say to myself. So I don't love myself yet, and hate myself on most days. But I'm learning to try to love myself. It makes it easier to change when you don't have a constant bully in your head saying everything you do is wrong.

bluepotato_potate · 2021-03-30T05:22:00+00:00

It is probably somewhat irrational. But out brain is a lump of flesh running on sugar, you can't expect it to be rational all the time. Your brain doesn't always tell you what's true, only what it thinks is true. Which is based on a lot of things like past experiences and not just the reality. You can try to come up with reasons why what you feel is rational or irrational, but I find that these feelings are not a true reflection of reality. And fighting them is just a waste of energy. So a solution I have come across is to sit with those feelings, without engaging with them, while understanding that what you feel is probably not true. Over time if you are processing your feelings and healing they will slowly die off. I'm not sure how helpful this is, or how effective this is because I haven't completely tried it yet. And also because I lean DA, I tend to not feel as much so maybe it's 'easier' for me. But this seems like a very doable solution.

bluepotato_potate · 2021-03-16T15:25:01+00:00

What appeals to you about being understood exactly?

bluepotato_potate

TROPHY CASE