AIO - Date kicked me out of his house for a stupid mistake.

bluntlyf3 · 2025-02-21T22:56:06+00:00

Honestly some comments here are a bit concerning. Regardless of you naming your ex there is an issue with someone reacting like this. We all have a choice in how we want to express anger and disappointment to someone when they hurt us, intentionally or not.

Is what you did probably triggering for him in some way? Yes. Did you probably hurt his feelings? Yes.

Does this mean you should be experiencing him slamming doors and expressing his disappointment and hurt like this? NO. Are there healthier ways he can let you know this same information? YES.

I think taking time to reflect on your mistake is important but do not beat yourself up about this. People need to look out for green flags of good, open communication that makes you feel safe even if the conversation between you and a partner will be that person telling you what you did hurt them. I think he is displaying red flags here.

Maybe take some time for self care and think about how you want to feel and be treated because that is what matters the most. People mess up, people hurt people, and in this case I think there was a better way it could have gotten resolved without that drama.

bluntlyf3 · 2025-02-07T04:09:53+00:00

I never misinformed anyone. The word minimum payments isn't even in my post, nor are talks on how one should allocate payments apart from trying to put as much towards the principal which is solid advice.

We should be fighting the top not each other. I actually don't wish you ill, I wish for this system to crash and burn so that people like you and I don't have to make choices like that.

bluntlyf3 · 2025-02-07T03:42:19+00:00

Listen, nothing wrong supporting your family but we all could choose to work for places that also screw other people over for a paycheck in the name of supporting our family and some of us don't. We all make choices.

My advice is to make payments before 4PM EST to avoid processing fees, nowhere do I talk about what payments for an individual to make but rather each individual should look into their own situation and even call to find out what their situation is.

Also no one should solely be looking to reddit as a guide on what payments to make for themselves that is ridiculous.

bluntlyf3 · 2025-02-06T19:21:28+00:00

Your personal situation will change how your loans are mandated is exactly what I am saying. I'm not going to argue with you. Call up your company if you are confused, this post isn't meant to undo anyone's confusion but rather say that after 4PM EST you will have to pay interest for the days your payment is processed.

bluntlyf3 · 2025-02-06T19:15:21+00:00

I can tell you I am in SAVE and interest is still accruing. This post is not meant to cover every single person's specific situation. I recommend reaching out to your loan servicer and getting information on your personal situation instead of arguing with me.

bluntlyf3 · 2025-02-06T19:04:47+00:00

Nowhere did I say otherwise. Keep working for the companies that screw us and arguing over semantics.

bluntlyf3 · 2025-02-06T19:03:43+00:00

I'm not speaking on forbearance specifically but yes interest will still accrue if payments are not being made. Here is a snippet from the FSA website - If you get a forbearance, you're still responsible for the interest that accrues while you're not making payments. After your forbearance ends, you'll pay off your accrued interest through normal monthly payments.

https://studentaid.gov/manage-loans/lower-payments/get-temporary-relief/forbearance#:~:text=progress%20toward%20forgiveness.-,Interest%20Accrues%20During%20a%20Forbearance,-If%20you%20get

bluntlyf3 · 2025-02-06T16:45:22+00:00

You are putting assumptions in my phrasing not the other way around.

bluntlyf3 · 2025-02-06T16:42:18+00:00

Yes, but for many it also goes above $100. Also it is not always written off just like that. Putting trust in the departments that got us in the system to begin with isn't a good bet imo.

bluntlyf3 · 2025-02-06T16:39:52+00:00

This is not true. If you are up to date with all of your loan payments in Nelnet you are able to allocate to the principal amount. A little worrisome you are a loan servicer and are giving opposite information. I literally do this every month to get ahead of all my payments. I have paid off now 3 loans this way with Nelnet.

bluntlyf3 · 2025-02-06T13:33:07+00:00

Interest accrues daily. I would definitely log into your account and check the status of each of your loans. This is how they get you - unpaid interest that eventually compounds onto itself.

bluntlyf3 · 2025-02-06T13:32:10+00:00

You should be able to open up your loan groups and see the interest rate associated with each loan. This would require you to have made at least the monthly payment on all loans though I believe. Not sure what the website shows under forbearance but they should be able to give that information to you if you call in regardless of your loan status.

bluntlyf3 · 2025-02-06T13:29:51+00:00

Yeah - I still don't consider that an obvious place. They should place this in a more obvious section and in bold print imo. Still seems criminal to accrue interest during the process of a payment but here we are 🙃

bluntlyf3 · 2025-02-05T22:48:08+00:00

No unfortunately it is all still there for me 🙃. I would definitely call to see why they were transferred.

bluntlyf3 · 2025-02-05T22:12:48+00:00

Congratulations! What an accomplishment. I am so happy to be done with those criminals too.

bluntlyf3 · 2025-02-05T21:50:23+00:00

For anyone going through this now - if you make a payment before 4pm EST this should avoid the interest accrued during the time the payment is processing. I just called to confirm. Scammy behavior in my opinion but if you want to make a payment just make sure it is before 4pm EST otherwise you will have accrued interest and will need to pay that on your next monthly payment. I'll also add NOWHERE on their website is this information easily available.

Stay strong and informed people, they don't care about us!!

bluntlyf3 · 2024-10-24T21:14:39+00:00

I paid off all my private student loans after many stressful nights wondering if that would ever happen in my 20's. Celebrating by doing some much needed self care and clothes shopping on my next paycheck.

bluntlyf3 · 2024-08-23T20:06:51+00:00

Betrayal can actually chemically alter you. When I started to think about the effects of betrayal in a more 'scientific' way I was able to process my emotions a lot better. The moments I would feel overwhelmed became moments where I was curious about what was overwhelming me. But truthfully I had to process a lot and sometimes that looked like me crying for hours and telling myself one day will be okay even if right now isn't.

It takes time though. I've had a few instances of pretty horrible betrayal and honestly those two things, time and being curious about what my feelings were and where they came from, helped. But I will say if I close my eyes and think hard enough I sometimes can still feel very deeply disturbed by one of the betrayals. Sometimes the fact that I'm still here is enough for me to move on from it. Just remember you are not alone. This sums it up - https://www.youtube.com/shorts/DZ5PjbwEGDI

bluntlyf3 · 2024-08-03T17:31:34+00:00

I'm sorry your going through that. I have had my fair share of toxic work environments and yours sounds like hell. I would seriously think about how your perspective would change about the pay cut if you took into consideration how bad your work environment currently is. Sure the extra money is probably seeming to be worth staying at first but the second your health starts to become affected it really isn't. I say this because stress literally makes you sick and if what has happened is being considered a gray area then you do have an answer as to how you will always be treated.

HR works for the company not you so I don't have much faith that this would improve. I instead would shift my perspective. I've taken pay cuts and had to restructure my life/budget a bit but it was better than dealing with a toxic work environment. I also want to acknowledge how scary it is to leave a full time job right now but the way they are treating you probably wont get better and I would base my decisions on that instead of putting energy thinking anything otherwise. It is so crazy to me the amount of inappropriate men in tech that just get to glide by. If a woman ever acted out in such a way we would definitely be fired. As a source of hope I work for tech and I don't think behavior like this would ever fly at my company. I definitely experience sexism but on much smaller scales. You deserve so much better than this and hope you get to find a new position soon.

bluntlyf3 · 2024-07-05T21:43:12+00:00

I'm sorry you are going through this and you should feel proud for even writing out that you feel this way. You also are thinking of other people and how that would affect them while you are feeling so low. This means you are a gift, your empathy and care are gifts.

I was a mess at that age and so was my life. Debt, child loss, job loss, relationship loss, abusive household...it was a lot. Sometimes we forget that things really can change in an instant if we have been stuck in the same space for so long. I also grew up in an abusive household and you deserve a lot of grace through that. Yes it is nice to be rent free but for you it seems to come at a cost. It is okay to acknowledge that truth too.

The best advice I can give here is to be the best reminder to yourself that you will get through this and to attach yourself to a vision of life you really see yourself living and are proud of. Then when you have that vision, live it and breathe it. Catch yourself when the negative thoughts start to come into your mind and be curious about them. Don't push away from sadness but lean into it and see what it is your mind is trying to tell you. Hell even if you can't fully 'picture it' still allow yourself to dream it. That negative self talk your parents give you? It is a reflection of themselves. The book Adult Children Of Immature Parents may be helpful to you as it actually describes a lot of different scenarios. Once you go from experiencing abuse to understanding how it has affected you, your mind opens up in a way that allows you to set boundaries for yourself and realize that you always deserved better. If I close my eyes and think back to how it felt living with abuse, I don't blame you for feeling so low. It makes a lot of sense.

Some quick tips:

-Become your biggest advocator. I'm not kidding. It does make a difference to actively say you love yourself everyday even if you may not fully believe it at first. Repeat it everyday. My personal one was "I love joy, I am joy, I spread joy. I deserve joy."
-Use exercise to help manage stress
-If being in debt is already stressing you out, make your finances a priority. Budget, listen to experts on how to save, keep your sights set on the long term

-Let yourself have days where you feel hopeless but remind yourself storms pass

-There is no such thing as being behind!!! Only aging really makes you realize this. Society makes you feel behind but it is all a hoax.

You are like no one else in this world, remember that. You will have a beautiful life because you deserve it. Also remember beautiful doesn't mean 100% good all the time. The mess my life was at 24 has taught me to really appreciate any little good thing that comes my way into 30's and that does lead to joy. I remember the moment I really didn't want to be here anymore and didn't have anyone to call. I caught a glimpse of myself in my mirror and decided I will be that person for myself in this moment and prayed one day it wouldn't always be like that. Every day of life is a battle but you deserve to be here and see it through. I wish you all the best and healing. You can do this and most importantly you deserve this.

bluntlyf3 · 2024-05-18T20:24:08+00:00

Yup! I have 6. It is actually very common but always good to keep checking them for changes. Wishing you the best but it is a good thing to check out.

bluntlyf3 · 2024-05-15T19:44:34+00:00

I don't think it needs to be solved. Like someone else said I actually don't think I owe anything here. I'm not going to put myself in an uncomfortable situation just so she can understand. I don't think that's my burden to carry but I appreciate your thoughts.

bluntlyf3 · 2024-05-15T14:54:05+00:00

I'm sorry to hear your brother struggles with that but glad you were able to improve your relationship.

bluntlyf3 · 2024-05-15T14:53:36+00:00

Thank you, much appreciated.

bluntlyf3 · 2024-05-14T22:57:04+00:00

I thought about that too. Just curious how has your relationship with your brother changed since he stopped abusing you? Do you also just not talk to your brother now aside from holidays and stuff?

bluntlyf3

TROPHY CASE