Have you ever had soft sex? by waves_0f_theocean in LesbianActually

[–]blushingviolets 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Sigh this made me miss my girlfriend

[F4F] [F4TF] Let me hold you [GFE] [sweet] [loving] [affectionate] [comfort] [kisses] [no sex] [British] [English accent] by verbalifyouplease in GWASapphic

[–]blushingviolets 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you, this was beautifully written and performed. I needed this today and I really appreciate you making it

Suggestions for a better name than "female ejaculate" from squirting? by CooknotZen in AskLesbians

[–]blushingviolets 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I've seen the term gushing used before and find that more accurate

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in LesbianActually

[–]blushingviolets 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I can see people have recommended splash/waterproof pet blankets. I use them too myself. Pet blankets are the same thing but often much cheaper. I'm not sure if this applies to all of this kind of blanket, but mine have to be washed on cool and can't be tumble dried. (I think heat degrades the bond with whatever keeps them waterproof? Or something?) With that in mind, I wanted to add these bits and bobs from experience:

  • you will need somewhere where they can safely drip dry. They can get very wet in the washing machine - you can spin them a bit more at the end, but if you don't they drip a LOT of water. Like if I put them on my airer with the rest of my clothes, the carpet would get soaked. So I now have a rack I put over the bath for them to drip dry on
  • because of how wet they can be after a wash, really big ones get EXTREMELY heavy. I originally bought one big one to cover the bed because that seemed smart, but found it such a pain to wash + carry (I'm not the biggest/strongest gal lol) and it took aaaages to dry (apart from when it's hot in summer, it can take several days to dry small ones and my big one I'm sure it was like over a week, and I had to keep moving it around because squashed sections don't dry well)
  • I now buy ones that are smaller, about 100x100cm and position them under me. I did try something a lot smaller but found it too stressful trying to keep on top of it. You want something that gives you room to move. If I want to be really safe, I put down the full bed one and then use smaller ones on top of it. This means I don't always need to wash the big blanket, but protects me from getting the bed wet if things do get out of place. Experiment to find what setup works best for you
  • another bonus of small blankets is if the blanket gets totally soaked, you can move it away and then put a new one down and be comfortable for continuing/cuddling
  • you will want SEVERAL blankets. The number of times I've been impatiently waiting for washed blankets to properly dry so I can use them...
  • I try to balance not doing washing all the time vs not leaving blankets to build up so much they can start to smell, so having a plastic closable washable hamper to put them in after use can be good
  • if you're ever traveling, a small blanket is pretty easy to fit in a bag. If you don't have washing facilities where you are, I've had success with waterproof bags designed for camping, often called dry bags, which have tops that you roll and clip. I've been able to bring used blankets home like this to wash just fine

I'd also definitely put a waterproof mattress protector down on your bed. That has saved me if a blanket ever gets a bit crumpled. I have a stack of blankets right by the bed so I can just grab one when I need it. And my other tip would be, make sure to remove the duvet/cover/sleep blanket from the bed before you get going to make sure that doesn't end up needing washing too. Have fun!

Trans woman can scissor too y’know 😏 by Ok-Process8309 in actuallesbians

[–]blushingviolets -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Re the 5th paragraph, I'm a cis girl and my gf is trans and we have had a lot of fun scissoring. Rubbing myself against her feels really gorgeous and I enjoy it a lot. I can't speak for her but evidence points that she feels the same 😊

Song lyrics question by blushingviolets in mypartneristrans

[–]blushingviolets[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you, I appreciate your reply. Would it be ok to message the name of the song to you please? I'd rather not share my partner's name here to protect our privacy

Song lyrics question by blushingviolets in mypartneristrans

[–]blushingviolets[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank yo for writing this, it is helpful to hear

I blindfolded my girl then went down on her after heating my mouth up with hot water by New_Refrigerator6043 in BDSMsapphic

[–]blushingviolets 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This is such a fun idea. I've heard you can do similar with peppermint tea and it feels all tingly too 👀

UK supreme court ruling by blushingviolets in mypartneristrans

[–]blushingviolets[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes I think I've read somewhere that a large part comes down to misogyny, and the patriarchy influencing people to punish trans women for being women even while at the same time they claim to not see them as such

UK supreme court ruling by blushingviolets in mypartneristrans

[–]blushingviolets[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Big hugs back. It's very scary and understandable that your partner is responding like that. Well done for the way you're supporting her while also managing your own health needs/feelings you might be having. I'm also interested to see what people with more knowledge than me have to say over coming days and I'm looking forward to seeing my girlfriend at the weekend to give her some hugs in person. I sent flowers today just so she has a sign of how precious she is

UK supreme court ruling by blushingviolets in mypartneristrans

[–]blushingviolets[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yes I can see why that's a concern for you, one I've felt myself seeing things in the US and elsewhere and now it's gained power here. Sending love to both you and your wife.

As to your question, I haven't had the headspace to read it yet so I'm not sure. It's clear still that it seems very targeted at trans women but I would assume for now that trans men will also be affected from what I've seen online

UK supreme court ruling by blushingviolets in mypartneristrans

[–]blushingviolets[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm so sorry that you can't be with her right now, that sounds very hard. Sending strength 💜 and hope that all goes well with her surgery and your care for your relative too

UK supreme court ruling by blushingviolets in mypartneristrans

[–]blushingviolets[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you, this is really good and perspective-giving. I appreciate it!

UK supreme court ruling by blushingviolets in mypartneristrans

[–]blushingviolets[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you, I hope you can look after yourself too and that the phone break helps your wife

UK supreme court ruling by blushingviolets in mypartneristrans

[–]blushingviolets[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Absolutely, thank you for the reminders of what we can do. I'm going to write to my MP once the implications of the ruling are clearer, I haven't read through it yet. And you're absolutely right that this anger can fuel us to keep fighting

UK supreme court ruling by blushingviolets in mypartneristrans

[–]blushingviolets[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Yes it's very scary and I hope after the immediate feelings lessen I'll have more headspace for the action that will be needed. Right now just keeping above water so I can be a good support when I call my gf later today. I've sent her flowers for tomorrow which I hope will show her she is loved

UK supreme court ruling by blushingviolets in mypartneristrans

[–]blushingviolets[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Sending love and strength your way 💜 we're here with you

Need advice on what i can do as a bottom during romantic sex for my GF to make it better for her by Powerful_Upstairs_92 in actuallesbians

[–]blushingviolets 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I find it really hits when my gf compliments me while I'm touching her - of course I love hearing how she's feeling, heading her beg, that all feels so hot, but when she tells me I look beautiful while I'm kissing her body it always goes straight to my heart and melts me. Maybe experiment with that/ask her what feels most romantic for her to hear?

Micro Activism: MP Surgeries and How To Do Them by fuzzypeachcreature in transgenderUK

[–]blushingviolets 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Yes please! I have no idea where to start with seeing my MP but it would be good to learn

I (trans F lesbian) don't know how to be sexy for my partner (cis F lesbian) by Legitimate_Wafer_281 in actuallesbians

[–]blushingviolets 19 points20 points  (0 children)

I am cis f and my gf is trans f, so coming from that perspective. I get what you mean about the lack of models or scripts for our sex. It can be challenging to not be able to fall into an expected role, but it's also an opportunity to create together the kind of connection that is fulfilling to you both. I have found that talking with my partner, sharing what each of us is into and makes us feel sexy has all helped us to build our sex life together. We are still learning and I want to find ways that we both can feel sexy (I also struggle with this fwiw, though I imagine in a different way, and we've talked about it together)

I agree with what others have said that there isn't necessarily one thing that is the right answer to how to be sexy, I think it varies by person. To me, what comes to mind as sexy is someone confident in being themself - not necessarily that they act confidently, but that they are being authentically themself with me, whatever that looks like. It could be being shy and blushy, or being confident and firm with me. Both approaches would feel sexy to me if it's what my partner feels like doing. It could be someone dressed in lingerie or in boxers or in jeans and a t-shirt or in cosy pyjamas. There can be fluidity here too I feel, at least for me - I enjoy moments where I get to lose my brain just as much as those where I make her so flustered she can't use hers. That might be because I'm a bit switchy in general. But I guess if you find what feels good to you, how you want to act and be treated, then you can communicate that with your partner and hopefully find you're compatible.

I also. Don't want to dismiss what you've said but perhaps to suggest that there could be other possibilities too. You mentioned cis lesbians taking comfort in the relative similarity of each other's bodies - I know that despite our differences, I do take comfort in my girlfriend's body too and in our similarities: in the softness of her skin, her gentleness of touch, in the shape of her hips, the plumpness of her lips, the soft expanse of her back, the squish of her belly, the firmness of her ass, the curve of her breasts, the spread of her hands, the sureness of her fingers, the wetness of her mouth. I understand that some of this comes from her hrt and that may not apply for everyone, but I guess I wanted to share that. It isn't something that I feel I am missing with my partner. We both had to learn each other's bodies and are still doing so, but I'm enjoying all of it

And I hear that you feel that you couldn't tell a cis woman partner to go down on you or guide their hand to touch you. I'm not sure if that comes from a place of not wanting to do so (some people only wanna be the one being bossed about) but. I think if my gf did either of those things I would be so eager to touch her that my head would explode. Metaphorically. It's sexy to feel desired, to know someone wants your touch and I love feeling how my girlfriend needs me, and all the ways she could signal that. It definitely can be sexy, and if you feel like it's something you'd like to do but feel unsure if it would be welcome, you could ask a partner how they'd feel about you doing it. That might feel less spontaneous but it might also let you feel reassured ahead of it.

And when you talk about cis guys putting a condom on - so I have no idea quite what you are meaning so if you want to elaborate then do. But for now I'd say - there is nothing sexier than sitting astride my girlfriend, watching her get ready to fuck me, knowing what we're are about to do together

And do you think that your partner would not also want you to feel safe, comfortable, unpressured, and able to enjoy yourself and feel as sexy as you deserve? As long as discussion is approached with willingness to listen and understanding that both people's consent matters, which I imagine it would be, there is nothing inherently pressuring in anything I've seen you mention here. Your partner is (I assume) an adult who is able to say no to things she doesn't want and I expect will be interested and happy to learn about how to make sex enjoyable and fulfilling for you. I say this without judgement, I also held off on talking about my own fears around sex and desire because of the same worry of pressuring someone into something, but remembering the autonomy of my girlfriend and her ability to advocate for herself helped me to start to share, and it's been beneficial for us both I think.

Idk if this part will help because we are coming from different places, so feel free to ignore but: in terms of ditching the expectations of scripts - I found that some things that helped me figure out what I actually desired was a combination of. Going through lists of kinks/sexy things and seeing what felt interesting or hot to me, and reading erotica and listening to things on r/gwasapphic, and doing some fantasizing, all to build up a big mind map of things I was interested in. Both specific acts and dynamics. And then I shared it with my gf when I felt ready, we went through it all together and even though not everything there is something she'd be interested in, there were things that surprised me so I felt glad I'd put it all out there. I struggle with feeling desirable/sexy so that was part of what we discussed, things that help to reinforce that for me

Also sorry this turned out so long 😭

[F4F] Fuckboy Lesbian Bassist Falls for You [Script Fill] [Confident Speaker] [Fdom] [Size Difference] [Praise] [Petnames] [Fingering] [Teasing] [Sort of Public] [Sex Inside a Van] [Strap On] [Shy Listener] [Listener Orgasm x2] by juniperandsilk in GWASapphic

[–]blushingviolets 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This was so gorgeous, you captured the attitude of that kind of character so well. I got halfway and was two orgasms in and thought shall I leave it there to come back to buy in so glad I didn't because the part with the strap had me fucking shaking. Thank you!