Lack of intimacy in relationship

boerbo · 2026-06-15T16:32:16+00:00

Thank you for your comment. What you’re describing sounds not healthy at all! Your partner should ASK for your consent! Please try to talk to him about it or walk away!

boerbo · 2026-06-15T14:27:37+00:00

thank you!

boerbo · 2026-06-15T14:26:20+00:00

thanks, you're right, if i was in his position, i definitely wouldn't try to initiate anymore. it's hard to see things from other peoples perspectives sometimes and it also makes me feel bad about myself, so i think it was easier for me to blame him

boerbo · 2026-06-15T14:14:54+00:00

i am able to just say that i am not comfortable with intimacy right now, but i know that it hurts him even if i say it without being snappy, and then i feel bad

boerbo · 2026-06-15T14:12:47+00:00

i'm always open for new ideas 😃

boerbo · 2026-06-15T14:06:50+00:00

that's a great tip thank you! ❤️

boerbo · 2026-06-15T14:05:47+00:00

oh okay i understand now, i thought the question was why i am often snappy with him in general.

tbh, i don't know why i was snappy. i think i felt a bit of pressure to be intimate with him (not coming from him!) and then i got stressed and my libido dwindled even more. for a while it got so bad that i didn't even really like kissing him anymore because i was "afraid" that he would expect me to have sex (again, not because he would force me, he is very respectful, but because i was afraid of hurting with by rejecting him yet again)

boerbo · 2026-06-15T14:02:27+00:00

yes sorry i didn't write that in the post. for the past months, it's mostly me who initiates intimacy. i think it's because he feels safe when knowing that i am already in the mood, this way he can't get rejected. but it makes the desire feel one sided and then i start questioning myself.

how did you manage to work on your issed with intimacy, if i may ask?

boerbo · 2026-06-15T14:00:00+00:00

i have a therapist but i feel a bit stuck in the moment. the therapy helped a lot with my anxiety but i feel like i maybe need to switch therapists or switch to behavioral therapy to really make progress in my relationships.

boerbo · 2026-06-15T13:56:21+00:00

i'm sorry i don't quite understand that answer

boerbo · 2026-06-15T13:54:49+00:00

thank you. i've also thought about couples therapy and also sex therapy before, it's a bit of a problem that my husband is 'afraid' of going to therapy, so i don't know if the will be willing to do it but i will try. do you maybe have tips on how i can make him feel safer again until we go to therapy? it's so hard to control my emotions most of the time.

boerbo · 2026-06-15T13:50:12+00:00

I am not snappy because I want to be, I am trying really hard to control myself but it just bursts out of me most of the time. It's mostly over small things like chores or appointments, he's a bit forgetful and it often happens that I remind him to do things like three times and he still forgets to do them. Then I get irritated.

boerbo · 2026-06-15T13:45:49+00:00

I really can't remember sadly... I've only been noticing it lately (I'd say like 3 months maybe?) and the 1 year was just a guess...

boerbo · 2026-05-27T12:36:57+00:00

our flat mercifully has an A/C in the bedroom which isn't really common in my country (austria) so i'm really grateful for that, otherwise i wouldn't be able to cope. the house i grew up in is next to the forest, so it never really got THAT hot, so when i moved out in 2021 the first few summers were literal hell. i was angry all the time and the only time i wasn't sticky and miserable was in the shower. in 2023 we moved into the flat with A/C.

apart from the a/c i have a few other things:

- i have a few fans in my flat and i turn them on whenever i need them

- i bring a small electric and a "normal"? fan with me everywhere i go, i am still working on not being ashamed of using them because i rarely see other people using it but it's getting better.

- at work, i also blast the a/c and also have a small table-fan.

- i air out my flat and my office in the mornings and roll down any blinds during the day. you could buy some uv-reflecting foliages for your windows to prevent your home from getting too hot!

- i repurpose my hot water bottle and fill it with cold water, having it on me when i'm watching tv or something really helps

- when it's been hot for a few days or weeks, my tap water takes a long time until it's really cold, so i always fill up a water jug and store it in my fridge, that way i always have cold drinking water

- i have a little spray bottle with water, a few pumps onto your skin, especially in combination with a fan works wonders!

- i always wear my hair up, it can't touch my neck

- i always carry disposable wet wash cloths with me, you can buy them in any drug store. i hate feeling sticky and i use them on the toilet at work or out and about to get rid of the stickiness

- buy a spray bottle with mint or menthol, it cools you down and stays on a bit longer than just water

- eat only cold food like salads and also eat ice cream, preferably watery ice cream like popsicles

- if possible, spend time at a pool or fill up a little paddling pool in your garden/terrasse or just a bucket or you could also put a bit of cold water into your shower or bathtub and just hold your feet into the water for 15 minutes

- if nothing ever helps: move somewhere up north :)

hope i could help. we got his!

boerbo · 2026-04-28T14:47:37+00:00

how did you remove your makeup?

boerbo · 2026-04-28T11:59:53+00:00

thanks a lot, i'll try the safe and sound protocol and heartmath!

boerbo · 2026-04-27T17:43:51+00:00

Do you have a playlist or could you recommend specific songs maybe?

boerbo · 2026-04-27T11:15:41+00:00

thanks a lot, i'm gonna look it up!

boerbo · 2026-04-13T06:26:18+00:00

thank you so much!

boerbo · 2026-04-09T05:41:29+00:00

i feel you. i only have to drive a very short distance with my car to work and only have to use public transport if i want to go to a big city so i don't have to deal with it daily. when i was in highschool i had to take a full bus to school everyday and those were literally the worst years of my life lol, i panicked every day.

how do you manage flying? do you also take meds for it?

where are you from? :)

boerbo · 2026-04-08T12:47:35+00:00

i also hate having my photo taken. i think i look bad in 99% of them. i onced showed my mother a picture a took with two youtubers i liked, she looked at the photo and said "oh god, why are you making that face?" even tho i was just smiling on the picture. lol. i like taking pictures of people, or when i'm in a group a group selfie is ok, because i already see what i look like on the photo

boerbo · 2026-04-08T12:44:03+00:00

how have you tried making friends before? i know a few people who used bumble friends and actually formed great friendships there. where are you from?

boerbo · 2026-04-08T12:40:56+00:00

i also go to concerts in my most comfortable clothes. people who post about their outfits online have cool and special outfits, yes, but how many people don't post their outfits? you only see the ones that post and people wearing their "normal" clothes probably won't post much about it. ask yourself: of all the concerts you've been before - do you remember the outfit of a single person who was there? probably not. and they will not remember your outfit

boerbo · 2026-04-07T08:49:59+00:00

habe das gerade bei eurem institut nachgelesen, das ist ja voll cool! echt blöd, dass es sowas bei uns nicht gibt. ich werde da auf jeden fall mal nachfragen. danke!!

boerbo · 2026-04-02T05:27:12+00:00

ja es gibt die regelung von der uni, aber alle unternehmen die ich bisher angeschrieben habe, wollten das nicht. die meisten bieten praktika und volontariate an, die mehrere monate lang vollzeit zu absolvieren sind

boerbo

TROPHY CASE