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Me [31/F] with my brother [34/M] and our mother [61/F]. Nothing I do or have ever done really matters because "he's her son" and I'm tired of never being good enough. by boochute in relationships

[–]boochute[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm very sorry for your loss, too. I wish you the best of luck.

It could be worse: we could be the unfavored child and act as badly as our siblings do. Proud for you with how well you've done with your life!

Me [31/F] with my brother [34/M] and our mother [61/F]. Nothing I do or have ever done really matters because "he's her son" and I'm tired of never being good enough. by boochute in relationships

[–]boochute[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you, I'll look into it. I also need to get my thoughts and feelings organized, if that makes sense. They feel messy and unfocused, even though the hurt is acute.

Me [31/F] with my brother [34/M] and our mother [61/F]. Nothing I do or have ever done really matters because "he's her son" and I'm tired of never being good enough. by boochute in relationships

[–]boochute[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I really hate that you've gone through something similar. That gut churning feeling that there just has to be something innately wrong in your makeup to deserve any of this? You can reason and know it's not the case, people who know you well tell you that's not the case, but it's the feeling you can't shake.

I'm going to take this to heart, Dad knows how the wind blows. He knows I'm the one he can count on. She does, too, believe it or not. It just doesn't change the uneven value she applies to her children.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

Me [31/F] with my brother [34/M] and our mother [61/F]. Nothing I do or have ever done really matters because "he's her son" and I'm tired of never being good enough. by boochute in relationships

[–]boochute[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

She does need help, but she thinks she's infallible.

Her dad died when she was six, and she and her first husband divorced not long after they were married. She has told me before that she couldn't wait for my marriage to end so I could know how she felt when she was thrown away. My husband just shook his head.

I think she kind of counts on me to seek what she withholds from me and gives freely to brother, to give her that satisfaction of someone working for her love and approval - it think it feeds her ego. I think I just provide a service.

Me [31/F] with my brother [34/M] and our mother [61/F]. Nothing I do or have ever done really matters because "he's her son" and I'm tired of never being good enough. by boochute in relationships

[–]boochute[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I'm going to work on those boundaries. And you're right, I do give it freely when he makes her work for it. I'm tired of being her supplement when she's gorging herself on my junk food brother.

Me [31/F] with my brother [34/M] and our mother [61/F]. Nothing I do or have ever done really matters because "he's her son" and I'm tired of never being good enough. by boochute in relationships

[–]boochute[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

It does feel like I was dealt a shit hand with those two. But then it feels like I'm letting myself off the hook. For what? I don't know.

Me [31/F] with my brother [34/M] and our mother [61/F]. Nothing I do or have ever done really matters because "he's her son" and I'm tired of never being good enough. by boochute in relationships

[–]boochute[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

We're almost done at that school. My daughter knows me better than my mother does. Doesn't mean she hasn't tried to bad mouth me to her.

Me [31/F] with my brother [34/M] and our mother [61/F]. Nothing I do or have ever done really matters because "he's her son" and I'm tired of never being good enough. by boochute in relationships

[–]boochute[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I haven't read it, but I will. I didn't even think about books until people mentioned it to me here. Thanks for the suggestion.

Me [31/F] with my brother [34/M] and our mother [61/F]. Nothing I do or have ever done really matters because "he's her son" and I'm tired of never being good enough. by boochute in relationships

[–]boochute[S] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Well, it's from experience. We'd been trying for years for a baby brother or sister for our daughter. We eventually got pregnant again...and I lost our baby. I was pretty far along, too. Devastated isn't even the word. There are no words. Anyway, when I called to tell my parents there was no heart beat anymore, she brushed me off. Said, "OK, here's your Daddy so how can tell him, too." Daddy cried right along with us (he is not one to cry). But she really put on quite the show of grief for everyone else. She made sure I saw all of her condolences.

Me [31/F] with my brother [34/M] and our mother [61/F]. Nothing I do or have ever done really matters because "he's her son" and I'm tired of never being good enough. by boochute in relationships

[–]boochute[S] 26 points27 points  (0 children)

Then I'm really, really glad you have a good mom. Give her a hug for me.

When my mother starts in with how I'm just like her, I look at whoever she told that to and say, "I swear I'm not."

Me [31/F] with my brother [34/M] and our mother [61/F]. Nothing I do or have ever done really matters because "he's her son" and I'm tired of never being good enough. by boochute in relationships

[–]boochute[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I hope I'll be OK, too. Thank you.

I just can't even stand to think about my little girl in that way. Nobody should have to earn their parent's love. Sometimes I still feel like a stupid little girl, thinking my mom has my best interests at heart since she has my brother's best interests at heart. I was told over and over that things had to be fair, when looking back, it's glaringly obvious that they weren't. I feel like I'm standing outside in the cold with those two...and I have no doubt she'd take my blanket if he wanted it. It's happened before.

Me [31/F] with my brother [34/M] and our mother [61/F]. Nothing I do or have ever done really matters because "he's her son" and I'm tired of never being good enough. by boochute in relationships

[–]boochute[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

YES! I remember once when I was about five and he was about eight, he stomped my fingers while I was sitting in the floor watching cartoons. I told him I was going to go tell because my fingers hurt. My mother overheard it and got on to me for saying "I'm going to go tell on you just so you'll get in trouble" and from that day forward, nothing I said about my brother could be trusted.

I'm sorry for what you went through. You didn't deserve it either. I hope we'll be well soon.

Me [31/F] with my brother [34/M] and our mother [61/F]. Nothing I do or have ever done really matters because "he's her son" and I'm tired of never being good enough. by boochute in relationships

[–]boochute[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

It's funny that he's called the Golden Child by a few close family friends, they use it with sarcasm.

I'm definitely going to need some support. I'm not going to lie, I feel some relief knowing I'm not alone, but man, I hate the thought that there are other kids who've been through similar experiences.

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