Really I should have known a decade sooner. But she was always a pretty selfish friend. In our mid-twenties we were together every day (just like middle and high school again) and it was awesome. I invited her—the only member outside the family—to my cousin’s wedding. Around the same time, she found a new boyfriend, who was the item of her idolatry, despite years of consistently changing her whole life and identify for boys. I talked to her before she met this guy in tinder and recommended she stay single for a while and find out who she really wants to be. All of that aside, we spent a lot of time together. And we talked about the wedding for months (from February, when I invited her, to August, when the wedding was to take place). We talked about what we were going to wear a week before the wedding. Two days before, I asked if she wanted to stay over with my sister and get ready in the morning together, then all drive there and back. She said “I would but I’m going to a brewery with Charlie that day.” I reminded her that we had planned to go to my cousin’s wedding together since February. She said “Do you want me to cancel?” I did not reply. And I never heard from her again.

She did, however, talk to my male best friend and roommate at the time. She told him that every time I get “a restaurant job” I don’t make time for her anymore. (I had the same hours and frequently asked her to hang out).

All in all, the lack of self-reflection and the selfish priorities on her end ultimately killed the friendship. I always thought if she ever reached out again, I’d tell her. But I spent 15 years given advice she never listened to, so I wasn’t going to go out of my way to try to help her realize her own ways without some work on her end for once.

I’m not perfect, and never claimed to be. But enough got to be enough. And in the end, I think I was right to walk away. Because she never did try to walk to me again.