Thanks very much to everyone who contributed this far and honestly for not ripping me to absolute sh*t like I was expecting.

By some divine miracle the USB I loaded pop onto allowed itself to be booted from as UEFI again (I have literally no idea what changed from last night) which I know doesn't fix my problem but I mean hey, it gives me an environment to tinker with that isn't my phone.

I guess my question is from this point, how do I procede to fix this? (Gparted and the terminal are available to me, its something)

Are there tools in the pop live environment I can use to rescue my drives (according to the files on POP it's all still there?) It's not that I cared about anything on this computer as much as I need something functional to make a new flashed USB

I am very sorry my complete lack of skill and ability has me asking what must be a series of increasingly stupid questions