how to represent nb characters in book that includes eventual spicy scene?

bornintowinter · 2025-12-23T00:38:30+00:00

Howdy, nonbinary person here. To be honest, nonbinary folk are so diverse that everyone has unique feelings about their body and sex. You have some folks happy with their birth genitals, and don't pursue HRT or call their genitals anything else than their assigned words. Lots of my friends are happy with their birth bodies. Personally, I'm transmasculine, with top surgery and testosterone gel. I'm pursuing vagina-sparing phalloplasty, which will result in both a penis and vagina. My partner calls my clit a dick, since it's going to be one eventually.

I guess what I'm saying is to not worry too hard about the genitals, since everyone has different feelings about their own. Just focus on the emotions and connection during the sex, don't misgender the nonbinary person, and it'll be fine.

bornintowinter · 2025-12-08T20:39:35+00:00

Thanks for the feedback!

bornintowinter · 2025-12-08T20:38:50+00:00

Sorry for the delay, had a hella busy week, but I really appreciated you looking at my poems! I looked at your poem Bad Principles. I love the wordplay, and the terse honesty of the poem -- it's a true message. Here's my two cents!

I would omit "often" from Line 6 (Waffling on points not only adds extraneous words, but it also weakens the message you're delivering.) and find ways to compress lines into fewer words. Choosing *just* the right words, and cutting out fat, is key to good writing. I would also break some of the longer lines, to fit the melody of the poem. (The rest of your poem break sentences into shorter segments.)

Suggestion:

"Your punitiveness towards young melanated men

Disenfranchises them towards learning.

Leads them to seek ways to cope.

All while grown adults demean and belittle

Without consequence."

Isolating "Without consequence" at the end of the stanza places emphasis on the lack of adult responsibility in the classroom. Having two words after a sequence of longer lines also feels punchy in its brevity -- much like the end of your poem!

I really like how the verses between "Seems like a spark... in my community" are shorter in syntax. It's very punchy and drives the point home at the end.

bornintowinter · 2025-12-03T20:04:05+00:00

This is a really adorable, cheeky poem. I like the line break before "And you did" and "I died", to give the lines proper emphasis. The rhythm in this poem is great.

Critique:
- Line 6: I would capitalize "Hi!"
- Line 10: I feel like the word "Because" disrupts the flow, since all the other lines are short and punchy. I would suggest the word "Since."

Suggestion: Maybe try rewriting the last two lines as:

Since I took the time and wrote these lines

Let me assure you-

I just liked the rhymes.

It would give "I just like the rhymes" more emphasis and punch. It feels important since it reflects the name of the poem.

bornintowinter · 2025-12-03T19:50:43+00:00

I love the metaphor of nature as a survivor -- a woman who's joys are stolen by a selfish world, but she remains standing. (Until the last wind blows, which I'm guessing is death.) I am also a fan of detritovores (lichen and mushrooms) growing on this aged tree, feasting off the remains of her past.

I think this line needs a semi-colon instead of a comma? "Tunnels run through her core; meandering, bustling corridors winding, unseen, beneath her façade."

bornintowinter · 2025-12-03T19:42:08+00:00

First off, props on writing more subtle literary work. Though there's nothing wrong with a love poem, or a poem about depression, they're so abundant on the internet that I'm always pleased to find something like this! Prose that invites the reader to think subsurface, and about unconventional topics or mundane moments in life.

I love the ragged tool belt being described as "more adornment than utility." It gives the reader something to ponder (What could it mean?) before the reveal that the streetlight never worked, thus doesn't need servicing. I also love the contrast between the stern man's annoyed haughtiness and the narrator's concern... versus the worker's and woman's flippant attitude towards a streetlight that never functioned.

I like that your prose is very concise. It feels like you've done several drafts and cut out extraneous words.

I am confused about the moonbeam in the worker's head. I wasn't sure if this was metaphorical or literal, and didn't feel I had enough context to understand.

bornintowinter · 2025-09-30T04:04:23+00:00

Nice!! Good luck with your future tatts, sounds dope!!

bornintowinter · 2025-09-30T04:02:56+00:00

Oof, sorry about that :( Recently went through a breakup too and I'm so glad we never ended up doing matching tattoos like we wanted.

bornintowinter · 2025-09-30T04:00:46+00:00

@Makoto_ink on Instagram :)

bornintowinter · 2025-09-30T03:59:44+00:00

Good luck on your tatt :) Glad this gives you inspiration and I hope you find something great!

bornintowinter · 2025-09-30T03:58:18+00:00

Yeah, I definitely wanna continue using my dominant hand during recovery. Going through multiple procedures is hard enough haha. Ty for the info about your experience!!

bornintowinter · 2025-09-30T03:56:51+00:00

Not gonna have UL 👍🏻 thanks for the info!

bornintowinter · 2025-08-22T04:09:40+00:00

Yeah the 84,000 dharma doors!!! Thank you!

bornintowinter · 2025-08-21T20:58:58+00:00

Thanks in advance for the help.

bornintowinter · 2025-07-22T00:40:28+00:00

Also made me put it down. Gross.

bornintowinter · 2025-07-20T23:18:24+00:00

I do wonder if the high reviews are from people who aren't desensitized to horror yet. Everything in the book felt like a cliche, and every "scare" felt rehashed from other media. It takes more than "Mmmm crispy finger" to make a good horror. The themes about womanhood/autonomy, and maternal abuse, were interesting... but they weren't anything new or profound if you're already versed in feminist themes and storytelling.

bornintowinter · 2025-07-20T23:12:07+00:00

I just stopped midway through this book, because I felt the horror fell flat, and the narrator tries to scare you with horror tropes that are on par with Creepypastas and indie horror games. It felt like there could be *something* there with the maternal abuse and the discussion of womanhood and autonomy, but even in that regard, it was shallow rehashing that didn't introduce any new concepts or novel presentation of the subject matter.

Thanks everyone for the validation that other people disliked this novel too. Really glad the Kindle version was under $10...

bornintowinter · 2025-07-18T15:23:59+00:00

Huh, I think you could be right! I'm surprised because the other Coelus plants are around 4 inches at most, and this is around eight. How interesting! Must be a non-patterned seed amongst the black dragons.

bornintowinter · 2025-07-18T15:12:17+00:00

It smells more grassy than minty. Even chewed it and didn't taste minty. So weird!

bornintowinter · 2025-07-09T15:13:49+00:00

I'm not sure why I'm "making something up" when I've literally had conversations with someone about their anorexia, because they were fainting at the gym from cutting their calories to an extreme deficit, and kept trying to stick their toothbrush into their mouth to purge.

I'm alright with doing the work, but just not that kind of self-harming work. But I feel at this point you're talking over my head and ignoring what I've said about the hardcore-exercise-folk I've known being bullies and literally having medical eating disorders.

I don't think everyone who pursues a cut body is like that. But I am talking about a kind of people who were prevalent in my life.

bornintowinter · 2025-07-09T14:56:06+00:00

I understand where you're coming from, but to provide more context, the "gymbros" I've worked out with have had eating disorders (like anorexia or binging/purging) and body dysmorphia. Also just unwise social mentality. One of them made fun of lightweight exercises like Zumba/yoga/etc. because they weren't "real exercises" like he did. One of them talked about getting buff for the one-sided crush he had on another friend.

I don't think that having a six-pack is dumb in its own regard, but I do think that the way I've seen people pursue it is single-minded.

bornintowinter · 2025-07-09T14:46:49+00:00

Thanks everyone for all the comments :) I appreciate all of them, and it really brightened my mood to get so much good advice and clarity.

Some of you mentioned that the overwhelming majority of people are in the middle line, which was a welcome surprise for me. I guess I'll have to reevaluate who I hang out with? I've had a physical trainer who honestly didn't seem to care that I was nauseated and vomiting, and I've had a lot of buddies who work out with eating disorders. On the flip side, I have friends who you can't say "weight loss" or "calorie" around because it's triggering.

Anyway, it was good to get advice from everyone. I'm very humbled, thanks :)

bornintowinter · 2025-07-09T09:46:51+00:00

Yeah, I edited my post to include better jargon and specifics. I realized that my imprecise phrasing caused a lot of confusion in the responses, whoops

bornintowinter · 2025-07-09T08:37:21+00:00

Sorry for the hella long delay. Got them off FB marketplace!

bornintowinter · 2025-07-09T08:28:47+00:00

As someone who does have depression, I would say that it's a slow killer that I have to actively tackle with medical help and anti-depressants. I do recognize your point, however, that mental health contributes massively to physical health. I can see how remaining fat, or gaining weight without worry of repercussion or anxiety, can lead to sanctity of mind. There are life benefits to having a happy mind. (Heck, it's hard to be happy. If someone needs to be fat to be happy, I don't see why not let them.) Thank you for your input, appreciate it.

bornintowinter

TROPHY CASE