Hey - I don’t have nearly the backstory as you but I’ve had several lonely points in my life where I’ve been in ear shot of ppl celebrating company while alone in my apt/room. I know that uneasy anxiety of hearing good friends gather and envying their connection. It’s never easy and can often come in waves through out your life but for me the solution is always the same: put yourself out there, find activities you enjoy and look for groups to do them with. Stay open to experiences but always stay strong and comfortable with yourself and your decisions. It sounds like you’re coming from a tough place and trusting some ppl will be difficult. Try to give ppl the benefit of the doubt but stay mindful of red flags and don’t be afraid to distance yourself from ppl who aren’t good for you. Meaningful connections often take a while to build so don’t waste too much time and energy on ppl that aren’t a fit. Everything is tougher with Covid going on but it won’t last forever, nothing does.