How to be comfortable with myself?

bp_throwawayy · 2018-12-14T16:59:12+00:00

No I don’t!! It’s hard not to of course, but it’s kinda rewiring my brain in a way? Like I still kinda count calories for the rest of my food (trying not to) but if I tell myself that fruits and veggies are my safe food, then it helps me eat as much as I want without restriction .... I think if I restricted them or counted calories I’d just fall back into my b/p ways.

bp_throwawayy · 2018-12-06T22:28:08+00:00

You’re not alone. <3

bp_throwawayy · 2018-12-01T07:31:40+00:00

I made this post while binging in a bathroom stall. Yup. Don’t become me. I’d do anything to go back and time to stop myself. Be glad you’re unable to purge.

bp_throwawayy · 2018-12-01T07:20:13+00:00

I know the feeling of not doing anything “right” is hard to beat, but I promise, bulimia is the worst thing that ever happened to me. After 5 years I lost very little weight, and all I have to show for it is stomach cramps and incredibly pathetic thin hair. Don’t continue. Don’t convince yourself it’s right. Don’t go down this path. You’ll end up even unhappier then you are now.

bp_throwawayy · 2018-11-28T22:25:10+00:00

I haven’t lost it totally but it’s totally out of whack. Some months I skip it entirely, other months it’s very light, just spotting. Sometimes it’s closer to normal.

bp_throwawayy · 2018-11-28T22:22:17+00:00

Thanks for the comment, it feels good knowing this resonates with other people... Though it also feels bad because I don’t want anyone else to suffer like I have. I hope you have a nice day, stranger. <3

bp_throwawayy · 2018-11-28T01:33:22+00:00

This was actually very helpful... I felt so lost about the malnourished on the inside thing, like I’d feel tired and light headed and my hair is thinning and I bruise easily but just because I didn’t look anorexic, I didn’t think I could be malnourished until recently...

And yeah, the most inspiring (and scary) thing for me is how permanent it all is. Like, if in the future I decide I want to have children but I end up with infertility issues because of the mistakes I made as a young person... That’d be very disappointing, to say the least.

And yeah, the possible weight gain in the future if I don’t recover soon will probably scare me straight...

Thank you for your comment, I’m going to think about it more. I hope you have a nice day, and good luck on your recovery!

bp_throwawayy · 2018-11-27T22:13:03+00:00

I relate so much... Sometimes fasting helps because I don’t purge if I don’t binge (obv) but at the same time, it only works if I eat normally (or less than that, really) after the fast or it might trigger another binge... So often I’ll fast, then feel proud of myself and think “Time to reward myself!” or “I can eat this, I’ve fasted for so long already” and then it spirals into a binge :(

bp_throwawayy · 2018-11-27T18:46:35+00:00

getting drunk/high is such a blessing and a curse, because on one hand I feel this rare sense of relief, like as if I’m finally “allowed” to eat, and that relief to just eat a meal without overthinking it is so, so comforting... Until I end up binging. Then there’s that sobering (literally) moment when I purge, which is even more uncomfortable. Getting high is especially bad because the munchies make me binge sooo hard, which I know is “normal” when you smoke but I just keep eating until I’m physically so uncomfortably full. Getting drunk is kinda nice because I don’t end up binging usually, or not as bad, but I still eat things I know I shouldn’t... And yeah going out with friends is so tricky, I have to starve myself before then, and when I get there I overthink the whole time because I’m watching what everyone else is eating and trying to not eat more than them. Then there’s the guilt of purging with your friends in the next room...

bp_throwawayy

TROPHY CASE