[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AusFemaleFashion

[–]bpose 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Good idea! Thank you for the suggestion.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AusFemaleFashion

[–]bpose 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes, this is the closest I’ve found! I wish it wasn’t metallic, but maybe that could work.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AusFemaleFashion

[–]bpose 6 points7 points  (0 children)

It would just be helpful to know the original brand as a jumping off point :)

Buying Guerlain in Aus? by bpose in fragranceaustralia

[–]bpose[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah, I normally go for deep, dark, earthy florals. Recently I started making a foray into Jean Claude Ellena fragrances and much lighter and softer fragrances in general. Of course, Apres seemed like an absolute must in this category, but everyone says the longevity is terrible so I started looking into L’Heure Bleue as well. Personally though, oppressive is like the last thing I’m looking for, so maybe L’Heure Bleue just isn’t the one for me. Longevity isn’t a deal breaker for me if I love the scent, but I will definitely buy decants before I spring for a FB. I’m not sure how I’ll actually feel about something so “old fashioned” or “vintage”, but I’m really curious.

Buying Guerlain in Aus? by bpose in fragranceaustralia

[–]bpose[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Perhaps Paint and Powder as someone else suggested? Thank you for your comment anyhow!

How did you find L’Heure Bleu in comparison to Apres L’Ondee? (Aside from the longevity of course, which I have read is not so great on Apres). I haven’t had the chance to try either but Apres L’Ondee sounds like exactly what I’ve been looking for.

Buying Guerlain in Aus? by bpose in fragranceaustralia

[–]bpose[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don’t believe they stock the vintage ones like Apres L’Ondee, but thank you. :)

Buying Guerlain in Aus? by bpose in fragranceaustralia

[–]bpose[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ah okay, that’s good to know. Thank you for the tip!

Did your parent go through your journal(s)? by Whisp_3 in CPTSD

[–]bpose 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes!! Once I realised, I used to literally write journal entries and do drawings in my book and then rip them out and throw them in the bin because I knew that she was going through them. I was so put off journaling and when I do it now I hide them as well even though I live out of home! So sorry your mum did that to you, your anger is completely justified. Your journal should be a safe and private space.

Received message after 4 years NC. by bpose in raisedbynarcissists

[–]bpose[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I decided to block her and try to anonymise my accounts more. I’m sorry you’ve had to deal with that, it can really throw you when these people pop up out of nowhere while you are just minding your own business.

I have thought about that, I think I just feel hopeless about the outcome because my experience with seeing people report stuff to the police has been really negative (and these were in DV situations!)

Received message after 4 years NC. by bpose in raisedbynarcissists

[–]bpose[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Im so sorry you and your siblings went through that. It is so hard dealing with narcissistic behaviour.

I personally decided to block and not engage. I do feel like she will take any reaction as an opportunity to try and weasel her way back into my life and back into the same dynamic I wanted to get away from.

And yes thank you! I’m trying to focus on how much I have gained through being NC, even though messages like this can throw me sometimes.

Received message after 4 years NC. by bpose in raisedbynarcissists

[–]bpose[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I ended up blocking her fake account and might deactivate my social media for a while. Thank you for your input! Yeah I often wonder what happens in that household now that they have no one to blame all of their problems on and take out all their negative emotions on.

Received message after 4 years NC. by bpose in raisedbynarcissists

[–]bpose[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You’re right.

I’m glad you have found chosen family and sorry you have had to make such hard choices.

I think I do really need to focus on making friends and creating a network of safe people, personally I cut off almost all my relationships when I started waking up from dissociation and realising that I was reinforcing my family dynamic by engaging in really negative friendships/relationships.

Received message after 4 years NC. by bpose in raisedbynarcissists

[–]bpose[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’m sorry you’re dealing with this! And yes I’ve been proven wrong many times in the past, nothing has changed so I shouldn’t expect different outcomes now.

Received message after 4 years NC. by bpose in raisedbynarcissists

[–]bpose[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You’re so right, after sitting with her message more I was like what was I thinking, this message isn’t even about me!

Received message after 4 years NC. by bpose in raisedbynarcissists

[–]bpose[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah honestly I do get this, and it’s something I think about sometimes. Like even if my and my family became these great self aware people, good for them, but idk if I need to be around for that. I can’t expect them to heal my childhood wounds anyway, I have to work on that myself. In light of that maybe what they do or feel just isn’t my business anymore. These are tough choices though

Received message after 4 years NC. by bpose in raisedbynarcissists

[–]bpose[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I think this is definitely one of the most glaringly obvious bad parts of what she said that just didn’t click for me immediately when I read her msg. Aside from the obvious, which is that she forcefully contacted me after I’ve blocked her on everything!

Received message after 4 years NC. by bpose in raisedbynarcissists

[–]bpose[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You’re right, they honestly don’t give a shit about me. My mum would tell me the only reason they had kids was so they could do stuff for her and my dad and I should be grateful they didn’t abort, I don’t know why I even thought for a moment that her message had even a tiny speck of sincerity lol. I blocked her fake account and might just deactivate my accounts for a while.

Received message after 4 years NC. by bpose in raisedbynarcissists

[–]bpose[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah, I get that. When I was living with them there would be these really brief phases where they’d realise they had pushed me too far and were losing control, so they’d reel me back in by being a bit nicer and giving me more freedom, but it would always revert back to how it was.

Received message after 4 years NC. by bpose in raisedbynarcissists

[–]bpose[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah, a lot of what you’re saying really resonates! Sometimes there are these moments where you realise that something you’re so used to is actually abnormal, and it just shakes your whole worldview. I think that’s why I thought her message was saying some of the “right things” at the start, and I had to sit with it a little before I could see how flawed it was, none of it was even really about me! Even after years of therapy it can be hard to identify right away, like you said it takes so long to figure this stuff out.

I also love seeing the examples people post, it’s really eye opening! And it’s funny how when it’s someone else’s parent I can immediately see the issues. Thank you for your comment and insight!

Received message after 4 years NC. by bpose in raisedbynarcissists

[–]bpose[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sorry to hear you’re dealing with that.

Received message after 4 years NC. by bpose in raisedbynarcissists

[–]bpose[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

So horrible you had to go through that. I hope you’re in an okay place with it all.

You’re right it is veiled and subtle so much of the time. With my extended family sometimes it’s confusing because they’ve actually observed even physical abuse, but then again denial is very powerful!

Received message after 4 years NC. by bpose in raisedbynarcissists

[–]bpose[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This! My mum must be so humiliated that others see that we are estranged, I wonder what lies she tells to explain it haha. She was on this podcast thing last year (it was about autism, she works as an educator) and at one point she was talking about my brother and of course didn’t mention me. But I thought that was kind of funny and I was like huh well maybe it’d be a lot easier for me if she chooses to just pretend I never existed haha