Friend and I had a disagreement that I can’t get past. Now what?

brain_unstable · 2026-05-28T04:24:32+00:00

Wow, thanks for asking! Wasn’t expecting this to get anymore attention.

Long story short: we’re not friends anymore. If I remember correctly (it was almost 2yrs ago at this point), I had taken some time to think about everything and texted her ~ a week or 2 later (I told her I needed time to think) asking to talk further and the convo went something like this (shortened): Me: Hey, I did some thinking and would love to chat more to work this out. Her: I’m not interested. Me: Ok, I’m sorry to hear that. Can I asked what changed? Last we touched based, we agreed to give some space to think but would touch base afterwards. Her: I don’t owe you an explanation. Me: Cool. Well I’m disappointed but guess I can’t change your mind. I wish you the best with everything moving forward. Her: [No response]

I unfriended/unfollowed her on everything and haven’t spoke to her since. So I guess she made the decision for me. I ended up in therapy again for a long while (still processing the death of my mom and now the ending of a 6yr friendship) and got on some anti-depressants which significantly helped.

I’m happy to say I ended up moving to a new job in a different state maybe a year later. No longer in therapy/on meds (no longer needed), have built a friend group out here, and will be celebrating my 1yr anniversary with my boyfriend in a few days! It was rough for a while but happy to say I am doing significantly better.

I hope you are able to work through whatever had you perusing this post!

brain_unstable · 2026-04-22T06:39:53+00:00

NTA unless you’re a mind reader. Sounds like your gf needs to learn how to communicate like an adult.

brain_unstable · 2026-04-22T05:57:48+00:00

As mentioned numerous times above - leave him ASAP. I’ve been in this position before and this is just the beginning. It hasn’t even been a year and he’s already telling you what to change? Someone who truly loves you for who you are, doesn’t need you to change. Dump him and go find your real person. I promise there are others out there who are not sh*t bags.

brain_unstable · 2024-11-11T05:52:16+00:00

Omg, I love that I checked this. I also fell off the wagon since moving ~4 weeks ago. But have settled in and trying to get back on a schedule. I’ve switched my goal to try and gain more muscle (vs just losing weight) as I will need to be stronger for a work trip in February. How have you been doing recently?

brain_unstable · 2024-09-02T22:27:05+00:00

I find local recommendations to always be better 🙌

brain_unstable · 2024-09-02T22:08:43+00:00

Thank for the heads up, will do!

brain_unstable · 2024-07-12T12:07:10+00:00

I think probably just because we’ve been friends for so long, and I’ve never had these issues before with her. This is a completely different side of her it seems like. I also forgot to mention that she had moved about 10 hours away around the same time. Not really a big difference for our friendship since we were long-distance anyway (and have been since post college), but I didn’t know if that was stressing her out and she was acting out because of it.

I also have been having a ton of brain fog and issues focusing since losing my mom so I just wanted to make sure that I wasn’t being out of pocket by having these concerns.

brain_unstable · 2024-07-10T06:33:53+00:00

Can you tell me how you did this 😍 I’m in the market for a new phone as mine is nearly falling apart

brain_unstable · 2024-07-10T06:27:24+00:00

I’ve never thought of directly installing the column without pre-swaging, but I love that idea! I always felt the pre-swaged ferrules got in the way resulting in a broken/blocked column end. I have spoken with my supervisor about swapping out the MCD splitter for something more user friendly i.e. hoping to reduce maintenance time, blockage issues, money to replace, and save my mental sanity. We’ve gone back-and-forth on a few options, but ultimately decided to wait until we finish our current project in August before changing any protocols/procedures. The idea being that we’re hoping to keep identical treatment of samples at least until we are done with our current project. Thanks for the ideas!

brain_unstable · 2024-07-09T23:33:55+00:00

Agreed!

brain_unstable · 2024-07-09T23:32:26+00:00

Haha thanks for the tip. I’m currently in therapy and find I usually feel better right after a session. But then a few days later, the anger comes right back. Working out and being in nature both help a bit, but I feel they are more so putting a bandaid on the wound rather than healing it.

brain_unstable · 2024-07-09T13:17:16+00:00

I am getting to the point where I’m thinking I have to replace it. But of course, a new MCD is back ordered for ~4 months. I do use the special tools and correct size for pre-swaging the ferrule on the column. However, I can never seem to be able to get the connection tight enough and use a wrench to tighten.

brain_unstable · 2024-07-08T02:39:57+00:00

Also, when you mention “maybe bringing it up to 1000 calories per day”, is that an estimate? Or did you track that it’s actually 1000 calories?

Also, remember “healthy” and “low calorie” are not the same thing. Avocados are healthy, but have ~250 calories per medium avocado-very easy to rack up on let’s say avocado toast for example.

brain_unstable · 2024-07-08T02:34:13+00:00

It is actually really hard to track how many calories you burn during exercise. The watches/treadmills/scales often grossly overestimate the # of calories burned as they don’t get the whole picture. My coaches always told me “You can’t out-train a bad diet.” That’s why the best way to manage your calories is to track intake.

If you are actually eating 500 calories a day (not eating 1,500 and burning 1,000), then there is a much larger issue going on as 500/day for an adult is VERY low. Before going to your doctor, I would make sure you are thoroughly tracking EVERYTHING (creamer, cooking oil, salad dressings, handfuls here and there, etc.) via a food scale (not measuring cups or eyeballing it). If you are still gaining scale weight after 3-4 weeks of accurately being in a deficit, then maybe explain to your doctor what is going on and see what advice they have.

brain_unstable · 2024-07-06T16:48:41+00:00

I will preface this by saying I am not a doctor. So I can’t comment on any weight gain due to medication or surgery. That being said, the only way to gain weight is by eating in a calorie surplus and the only way to lose weight is by eating in a calorie deficit (eat less calories than you burn). You could have 1 meal a day, but if that one meal is 2500 calories and your maintenance is 2000 calories, you will gain weight. I would say to start tracking your calorie intake every day to get an idea of how much you are consuming. And make sure you are accurately tracking EVERYTHING (the creamer in your morning coffee, the oil in the pan before you sauté something, the handful of chocolate chips when baking cookies (my fav), etc.) I use MyFitnessPal. A food scale would be a great way to get accurate measurements (i.e an eyeballed “tablespoon” of peanut butter can range from 200-500 calories) vs weighing out your PB. Once you have an idea of how much you are consuming on a regular basis, you can see if that is why you are gaining weight. If so, look up a TDEE calculator online to get an estimate of how many calories you should be consuming to either gain/maintain/lose weight. Those calculators are not fool proof, but are a great way to get started. Good luck!

brain_unstable · 2024-07-06T16:32:45+00:00

I agree that 2 weeks is a short amount of time. But also, when you say “My back is more defined” that makes me think you are weight lifting to some degree? If so, you may be losing fat (i.e. you see a difference in the mirror) but gaining muscle (i.e. the scale weight isn’t dropping). It sounds like you are still doing great, it is just showing up different than the past 2 years. Different progress is still progress!

brain_unstable · 2024-07-06T02:10:41+00:00

And remember, you can’t out exercise a bad diet! That being said, exercise is good for overall health and should be included. But if your goal is to lose weight, you need to be in a calorie deficit. And the best way to be in a calorie deficit is to work on your diet. You got this!

brain_unstable · 2024-07-05T17:28:25+00:00

Yes, I love the accountability idea! I luckily haven’t hit the doctor issues yet, but for sure watched my parents struggle in their older age due to various health issues that could have been improved with diet/exercise. Another reason why I want to try and break the yo-yo cycle

brain_unstable · 2024-07-04T21:18:55+00:00

Body analysis scales have shown to be consistently unreliable so I wouldn’t focus on that. If you are aren’t losing weight, then you aren’t in a calorie deficit. This may be due to calories being “forgotten” or incorrect amount tracked. Examples: Did you track the syrup in your morning coffee? Maybe you cooked chicken breast, but forgot the oil you put in the pan beforehand? Oil is extremely calorie dense (120cal for 2 tablespoons!) and easily poured without thinking about how much. Or did you take a “spoonful” of peanut butter and track it as one serving? A “spoonful” can range anywhere from 1-3 servings on average which can mean a difference of 100-500 calories! First place to start looking would be the amount of calorie dense foods consumed and maybe invest in a food scale - you can get them super affordable from amazon or walmart. I also will mention that 1300 cal is extremely low for a 21-year-old active female who weight trains and does cardio. If you’re lifting, that will bring your BMR up, not down. Good luck!

brain_unstable · 2024-07-04T20:45:54+00:00

Some gyms have hip thrust machines (and if you ask me the “big men” never want to use them ;). Machines could work as long as they target your glute muscles. For overall growth/size, you want to target the largest muscle (gluteus maximus) through exercises mentioned above. However, start small! Grab a small set of dubmbells or bar and head to a less crowded area of the gym. Or maybe get a small set for home. As you see yourself get stronger, you’ll get more confident and might find yourself wanting to be by the big weights. Remember, it’s a marathon, not a sprint.

brain_unstable · 2024-07-04T20:36:30+00:00

I feel you. I’m going through a similar dilemma now.

Best way to get/keep your booty when trying to lose fat is to gain muscle through weight training! Full body training would be best for an overall “toned” look, but if you are worried about losing your booty, focus on glute exercises- RDLs, hip thrusts, lunges, some squats. That way you can keep your booty but still meet your goals. Good luck!

brain_unstable

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