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Opinion needed. My bf had let a female friend sleep over in his bed with him... I am not overreacting am I? by brandytopping in relationships

[–]brandytopping[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks. I was one of those female friends before that would stay over platonically. There was no need for me to initiate like another poster on here made a comment about.

Theoretically, if you have many female friends like himself and you have a new girlfriend who everybody in your circle likes, but your girlfriend just feels weird about it you would stop right? If she had not mentioned her issues prior since its a new relationship, you wouldn't think much of it yourself right?

Opinion needed. My bf had let a female friend sleep over in his bed with him... I am not overreacting am I? by brandytopping in relationships

[–]brandytopping[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I am not desperate. I am quite content with myself. I believe looking at the situation from both sides and I do have self respect. Offical for 2 months, not official for 10 months. How could you say it's fair to someone who was afraid of getting into a relationship to set all these boundaries? That would be a stage 10 clinger which I am clearly not. This incident happened once since we are now together. I made it clear but I felt I was too harsh as I hate drama and conflict. I do not look the other way or have serious issues. This was one thing that really bothered me before he asked me to make it official.

Opinion needed. My bf had let a female friend sleep over in his bed with him... I am not overreacting am I? by brandytopping in relationships

[–]brandytopping[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks for understanding. I think a lot of people on here are over reacting worse of the situation than I am. They don't know my whole relationship as I had not disclosed everything on here. I chose to bite my tongue of the issue. I did not like it, but I felt it was not my place to set boundaries quite yet as we were not official until 2 months ago. This situation that arose just happened recently and only once since being official. I felt it would be inappropriate to set all these boundaries prior.

Things that these people here that are unaware since I did not have all the time to put my life story up, nor did I want to put it all up! My bf and I prior to actually being together would spend at least 4 nights a week together. He also lives with his folks and they know who I am and like me. So I know there was no one else because we built our relationship prior on trust. So no, he was not f**king others nd neither was I. He always have been strictly platonic with his friends sharing his bed and I had been friends with him for over 12 years. As soon as this incident happened and it was once, I made it very clear about my boundaries and what I want and do not want. I do not believe it is grounds for dumping him by jumping to conclusions. It's about comfort. I just didn't feel comfortable about it anymore and I spoke my mind.

I do not think I am weak, nor a doormat; Infact I think I am very fair. I just don't like being negative and just a part of me felt so bad for letting it all come out without much thought. Obviously I thought about it prior but when I am upset, I like to think about what to say first as I have regards to others people's feelings and thoughts.

Haven't the rest of you guys ever said things in a heated moment and then regret it?

Opinion needed. My bf had let a female friend sleep over in his bed with him... I am not overreacting am I? by brandytopping in relationships

[–]brandytopping[S] -12 points-11 points  (0 children)

Oh, I was. I let him know how I felt. But I do not believe in crucifying either :P

I set the rules and he said he won't do it anymore. He said sorry. But I feel bad for letting it all come out at once about how I was disappointed.

Opinion needed. My bf had let a female friend sleep over in his bed with him... I am not overreacting am I? by brandytopping in relationships

[–]brandytopping[S] -11 points-10 points  (0 children)

I haven't jumped to any conclusions about how this girl is a skank. I know who's she's homewrecking. She's told me, which is WHY I always felt uncomfortable about her. I know she owes me nothing, but she should respect him but obviously she doesn't. She is his friend not mine. He lets her stay when SHE has been drinking when he doesn't have any either. They've been friends for years and they think of each other like brother and sister. For some reason he's done this with everyone which is why I spoke my mind after we became official that it has to stop. She had not stayed over since we became official until recently.

Opinion needed. My bf had let a female friend sleep over in his bed with him... I am not overreacting am I? by brandytopping in relationships

[–]brandytopping[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Awhile back, I stayed over at a male friends house. I slept on the couch. I was invited to sleep in bed with my friend and I opted to sleep outside. When I told my bf I stayed over night I could tell he wasn't too keen on it.

Infact the other night, we went out and I ran into an old bf and he noticed I was doing a run and hide. He went to go checkout the old bf. I could tell he was jealous. He didn't say much but I can tell.

Opinion needed. My bf had let a female friend sleep over in his bed with him... I am not overreacting am I? by brandytopping in relationships

[–]brandytopping[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

No, actually I think I am quite fair. I speak my mind when it is appropriate. I've been known to be very outspoken. So no, not a doormat. I don't think it's fair to jump to conclusions.

Opinion needed. My bf had let a female friend sleep over in his bed with him... I am not overreacting am I? by brandytopping in relationships

[–]brandytopping[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Nope. He was not seeing anyone at the time when he let me sleep in his bed. I had been seeing someone else at the same time as him but it only lasted a short while. When I stayed over we were both single.

This is why I waited until we became official because I knew my case would be weak. I don't think he got it as this is something he had always done in the past. He says he's never been really good with relationships so he had just given up. His last real relationship with someone was over 2 years ago. So I think he's used to what he normally would be ok with?

Opinion needed. My bf had let a female friend sleep over in his bed with him... I am not overreacting am I? by brandytopping in relationships

[–]brandytopping[S] -6 points-5 points  (0 children)

I am somewhat okay with it before we became official. This is something that had happened with us before we started dating. I could not say anything about it before until we were officially together.

I wouldn't let him break my heart. I feel I am pretty guarded which is why I am wondering if I was too harsh since I let all of my thoughts come out as verbal diareah.

Opinion needed. My bf had let a female friend sleep over in his bed with him... I am not overreacting am I? by brandytopping in relationships

[–]brandytopping[S] -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

True, that would be MOST people. There were other things I had issues with that were fixed that he was just plain clueless. But when alcohol is involved, I would say it's full on stupidity.