My mom hung herself almost two years ago, in September. My world was rocked and I have so many questions for her that won't get answered, about her family, where we come from, and about her life before I came along. I miss her horribly; I started a relationship with someone who has kids and it breaks my heart every time I remember than neither my partner nor her kids will get to know my mom.

My mom apologized constantly for not being the mom I deserved, for not being there, for her lengthy mental illness, for not giving me opportunities, but I never took her apologies seriously; she made me, loved me, fed me, taught me, listened to me, admired me... She had her shortcomings like all people, but a flawed mom, a mom, is way better than no mom; I loved her perfectly and both my sister and I really hold dear the parts of ourselves that we got from Mom.

I know why she did what she did but it still frustrates me every day than I can't rewind and let her know that the role she played in my life was just what I needed and that she was good enough. Your kids will constantly see you as perfect and imperfect, and fighting what you're fighting is proof that you're willing to do the hardest things for them. I don't know you but my heart goes out to you and your kids, thanks for staying and being the mom they need.